Sorry. Not been writing as much as I hoped to be. Life is insanity right now. I dislike uncertainty and that is all I have at the moment. We go days in between that are better. Low stress. I run. I work out. I sprain my goddamn back. I work on my attitude. I try and figure out what is next. I am sort of like the walking dead. The cure is ahead but for now all I can do is walk in the lands of bleakness and grey.
The spider legs of the system have drawn me back in. I could live as a hobo. Those first few days I was ready to just cut and run. I felt like nobody was there for me. I felt the kids hated me. I started to buy the fake koolaide the wicked witch was selling. I then went out on a Saturday. Caught some fish with some smiling kids. They were fighting and annoying me the whole time. The oldest brought his friend. It was good though. Fish were caught. I was caught. So now the lease is signed. Utilities come next. Back into the grid at least tentatively.
It was a good experience living out of the car. Sort of a cleanse for the soul. It got me thinking about what I want my life to be about. It got me thinking about homeless people. I say hi to them now instead of staying in my shell. I don't know what the fuck I am doing. Why talk to homeless people? Is that me? I dunno. Not really a people person. Couple of court dates come. Nothing is decided. Payments are made to keep the status quo. I think the witch has figured out her spell has backfired. Life is going to change for me for sure... but unfortunately for her too.
I am sure she is stressing at least as much as I am. I feel bad. I feel guilty. Everything is going to change. It's a good thing but with all birth and life and change there is pain. So I walk. I try and figure things out. I want this to end. Everything is setting up well though. I have a place till Jan. Most of the court issues should clear up by then. I think the picture will come in and I can react to that. Until then I keep walking dead. Waiting for the cure.