The waiting is killing.
I dunno. Some days everything seems alright and then other days I am like "What am I old lonely dude?".
I keep busy but do things mostly alone. Come home to my alone apartment. It's weird. While I would segregate myself downstairs a lot before there were always people "there".. the kids would be upstairs.. we would interact or something. Sometimes it would be too much. Other times alright. Now it is just me.
Wife is playing so dirty it's not even cool. Like signing an agreement to have me see the kids the next four Saturdays when she knows that she is going away the next Saturday. Switching dates and times at the last minute. Hell I do not even know if I am going to see the kids this weekend.
I have been exercising. Taking better care of myself. Court date is coming up. I do not know what to expect then either. Like does the judge make all the decisions? What do I need to prepare. I have a few things I am going to prepare even though my lawyer is not telling me to. I want to have a signed note by a CPA saying how much exactly my taxes every month is. Wife thought those were "optional" and I do not want the judge saying "yeah you gross that much pay extra".. I also do not want to get in trouble with taxes since I have finally cooled all that down.
I also need to work a plan for selling the house. If we just sell it or let it go then the feds will take their cut and there will be nothing left. If we can work together then we could probably walk away with some cash in our pockets.
I was nice and agreed to pay most of the bills until the court date.. but I get the feeling she is not paying the bills and just gonna run off with the money or something. Perhaps I am getting paranoid. It's all a fricken joke. I really do not care how it comes out but I want it over with so I can take stock and start my life again.
Anyways I should know more in like 20 days. Hopefully it turns out well. I am sure I will get back into doing things. I have in some ways. Drawing. Watching Anime. Exercising. Need to get out with people some more... but also been trying to save some money in case I need it for legal fees and what not. I feel like in a year things will be so much better. I will be in control. For now it's all turmoil and it is annoying.
People say "Don't be nice" "Screw her over".. and I see the point. I really do think every dollar that goes to me will benefit the kids more... but also in the short term if I don't at least help somewhat then they will have a hard time. So stuck in the middle. Things will get better. Someday.