|Fuck Mrs. Bush, THIS is your brain on Drugs!|
Since I last left you I asked my Doctor (the ones with official degrees from da man) if she thought that Adderral would be a good option for me. She said maybe.. and then she gave me 3 pages of tests. A quick office one where I answered 6 questions.. I think I answered them all with "Fuck, ya, that is so me!"..
I then have a take home quiz with 12 symptoms of ADHD. I scored 12 of 12. I actually felt bad checking 12.. so I kinda like chose 10... then I asked my wife to read over the questions and add her comments and she checked the other two. She kinda pissed me off with her comments on the form but if it gets me meth I am game!
Today I took another of the kids pills. This is experiment #3. I have been spacing them out on my Doctors suggestion. Oh, and the real doctor did not like my experimentation. Fuck her. I really needed a pill today because I am car-less. I turned my lease in and figured I would just get another stinking lease. However because of some issues I was declined a new lease. So I was left scrambling for a car. Luckily a friend from work could lend me one for 2-3 weeks. So this weekend I HAD to be focused on getting a new car.
I vegged out for some of the morning then took my pill and started going. It is 9:15 and I am bone tired. It is a good tired though. Not the soul sucking tired that my entire life has been... but the tired of a good days work. I am pretty sunburned and mosquito bitten.
The day started and I let my wife know I was doing the meth and why. I think she has some medical background because as soon as the effects started kicking in she drops the sentence "It would be great if you could clean up the back yard". Luckily I had plans already made to do car stuff. So I took off. Scored a nice 104 in Words with Enemies. I will tell you about that fucking game soon. I surfed Craigs list. Saw a nice Lexus for 4k. Sent emails. Took a drive to a used car dealer. Saw another Lexus. It is a 1997 with 125K miles for 4K also. The used lot will of course finance me. Ug. I may try and pay in cash. So I got a few leads and also a possibility for a brand new lease with the old Honda place. I just need to send them some information. Car stuff done. I also grabbed some old toys sitting in the back yard and tried to sell them to a kids place. I need to go back AFTER I remove the spiders. What kinda fucking rule is it that they do not take shit with spiders? What is this fucking Texas?
I get home and I am roaring to go on the back yard. My wife's subliminal suggestion while I was in my meth daze kicked in. I go into tornado mode and clean everything in the back stairs. I rake. I clear debris. I clean the fucking spiders out. I rake. I move leaves. I hook our hose up to the whirly hose thing. I am on fiyah! It is fucking 100 degrees out and I am working my ass off.. drinking my Vitamin water... watching the dogs, watering the dogs 100 times... just fucking doing shit. I finally removed the old backboard from the post in the ground and covered up the hole again. I did all kinds of shit.
Like I said I just stopped now. Mosquitoes were fucking killing me! I swear that Mosquitoes love meth! I had 2 applications of bug spray all over my body and STILL they attacked me! I worked on! Sweat. Sunburn. Nothing stops me. Exhaustion? I just ignore it. All the kids toys are put away. The back stair area looks good and is ready for some planting or something.
"Meth lesson number one, DO NOT GO OUTSIDE AFTER DARK! Mosquitoes LOVE METH!"
I really feel like the drugs maybe have worn off by now but the euphoria of not procrastinating and accomplishing things and not being so fucking angry all day is just amazing. The results are different this time. I have less of the happy-happy feeling and just more of a low grade drive and ability to function with a little OCD thrown in perhaps. It is just what I need.
I finished up with a nice hot bath. I am now ready to write a blog post, and fix a door inside the house and keep rocking my day out.
Meth lesson number two, DO NOT take your phone into your bath! I will send you the pictures later Josie."
I may be fucked up or totally wrong or some fucking shit like that but I really see this as the salvation of my life. It has helped me in 3 doses more than 6 months of anti-depressant medication. All the anti-depression meds do is make me less angry somewhat. The medicines do not help me tackle the number one need in my life: To take back control of my life and stop being an observer.
Feel free to make any comments. I really appreciate Lightning coming by and voicing his concerns and advice. I know I fucking piss him off sometimes but I do really like him and appreciate everything he has done for me. Of course shout outs to my Doctors Pauly and Don. Peace bro's!
** The picture of the work I did really does not do it justice. I can not really describe the mess that was there and how much better it looks now.