Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Ah Well Death Soon

So I finally went to the dentist to take care of my issues. Actually the guy I found seems like a really nice guy. Very friendly and made me feel relaxed. I told him I had not been to the doctor for a while so he took my blood pressure and it came out as 170/130.

Now some of this could be because I was in pain and had an infection and hate dentists but it is kinda bad. So now I have to go to the doctor. Probably die of a stroke before that though. So been nice knowing you all. If you see no more posts you will know why.

** LOL. I love Doctors Offices.

Me: Hi, I had 170/130 reading.
Her: Ok maybe you can come in a month from now?
Me: ...

** Second Update

Online Site: If you can't eliminate all of your stressors, you can at least cope with them in a healthier way. Take breaks for deep-breathing exercises. Get a massage or take up yoga or meditation, or have sex with Josie.

I swear it said it! You have to save me Josie!!!

** I have an appointment for tomorrow now. Apparently the office talked to someone who was not an idiot and so I am going to see a Nurse Practitioner tomorrow... you know, so they do not get fucking sued or something. Hopefully this bitch knows what she is doing.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Fuck You Mayors

You know this Chick-A-Fila place has gotten itself into a major uproar. I totally support that. It is awesome that the public is mad at some stupid prick who hates gay people. I think we go past the line of propriety though when our esteemed Mayor Mumbles bans Chick-A-Fila's from Boston. Fuck now I wan't to eat at that place just to say fuck you to that stupid cocksucking Mayor of ours.

I mean why does he even have to get involved? Why say they can not build restaurants in our city? Fuck that. You have no right. You know who has the right to make sure they never sell a holier than thou chicken ever again? The people. We have the right to boycott them. Fuck you Mayor Fuckwad. Keep your fucking idiotic hands out of peoples business. You have no fucking right to tell someone they can not open a business in your city because their owner is a toolbag. We have the right to boycott them. Not you fuckwad.

What's next though? No strip clubs because Mayor Dickwad thinks naked women are sacrileges? No book stores who sell the bible? I mean it is against gay marriage too. Where does this government interference stop?

I actually have been very amused by the fake Facebook comments the company tried to pull as damage control. These guys are so dumb they shoot themselves in the foot.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Stupid Stuff

Blah. I hate everything. Except lightning he is sexy.

I still can't get a shrink to call me back. I want to talk to one because I want to make sure my thinking is straight before I do anything drastic. I am probably not trying hard enough because I am in a kind of depressed quitting mental state but you would think someone would want my money.

I feel like I can not accomplish anything in this situation and need to take the drastic steps. I have stopped a lot of the positive things I started beginning this year with. It's just kind of like why the fuck bother.

I talked to the kid on the way to camp today. I wanted to get a feel for what he thought about the whole situation. I asked how he would feel about moving. He said he did not want to move at all!!!!! I asked if he could stay in his school would he mind. He was alright with that. Since I finally got the nerve up to talk to him about things I asked if he thought the current situation was bad. With mom calling the cops and all the fights and stuff. He said he was fine with how it was. He basically said "Man up, she only called them once'. ug. Fucking kid.

I sort of expected him to say the situation sucked. Since all you assholes said he would say that. No but seriously I was kind of surprised that he said it was better to have both of us living together than to split up. It really kind of shocked me a little. I do not really know how to respond to that. Not that kids know anything about anything but just adds another burden to the situation.

On a better note the boy is playin' all the little girls at his camp. He told me he is kissing this one girl so that the girl he liked would and I quote "Come crawling back to me begging". erm. Actually to his credit it appears to be working as her last few texts have been along the lines of "Oh maybe I would go out with you", and "So do you like the other girl, some other girl in camp wants to know"? I told him to be non-committal in his response and say "I do not know her well enough yet". Last night the girl who is asking about the kissing said she was getting her makeup on to look pretty and my son replies, "You do not have to make yourself pretty, you are pretty". He says he is going to teach me all about girls. He could be right.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I Luvs The Oatmeal

Check out the whole thing at The Oatmeal.

P.S. Josie may want to skip this one.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

It Has Begun

My son is getting text messages like the following from 13 year old camp girls.
"Hey I am not going to break up with my boyfriend but we could fool around and stuff".

I do not think he wants to fool around with girls yet. Not positive about this. The wife is going batshit insane which is a nice side effect. Honestly if he fooled around with a chick and either used safe sex or just stayed on the bases I would not be too concerned. If it was my daughter it's another story!!

Wife is going crazy though. She is like "I don't want him fooling around with 13yr olds.. why does she not have any self respect?". She took his phone away when he went out to work this morning too. He has been doing lawn work with a buddy who is industrious and has a web site and flyers so does a bunch of work around several towns. He is making good money for a kid.

Going to work today. Latah.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Was Fun

Nacho's and beer for dinner among other things. Good times.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Exciting Things

Happening today.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Fuck Shaving

I hate it so much. Electric razors do nothing. Quadruple blade razors just leave more room for hair to get stuck in. I then end up with 3 gallons of blood pouring down the front of my face from my sensitive skin bleeding out. I swear there is no good option when it comes to shaving. I hate looking link grizzly adams.. especially with my multi-color beard. It is pretty amazing. Brown. White. Black. Red. I dunno how all those colors could possibly have formed. Am I the only one who hates shaving? Josie and Lightning can pipe in about shaving their muff's if they want to.

Current Status: Why the fuck even get up.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Guys Only

Every sex scene from Game of Throne's! Your welcome!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Shrinks Suck Balls

The problem with shrinks and I think in part why I hate them so much is they are such hypocrites. In all their literature it's all like "We want to help you", "No we really care".. and then you try and get an appointment with any of them and forget about it.

I still remember the time I called one and said "I am feeling suicidal could you call me back and/or fit me in for an appointment" and never heard a thing.... crickets... *chirp*.

Same thing right now. Have called and emailed several. Nothing. I realize the whole world hate me but this is ridiculous.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Waffles Responds To Comments

jamescorbin13 said...
Some ideas: go live in your car for awhile under a bridge. In jail giant dudes with tatoos will just try and make you their bitch.

Join a biker gang.

Go to church. Meet nice women with money who will take care of you.

Volunteer at an animal shelter, burn ward or pediatric cancer center and find out how fucked up someone's life can really be, crybaby.
Blogger SirFWALGMan said...
yeah, that sounds less fucked up, I will go to a burn center and say "HA! HA! You suck! MY life is so much better because you can't even move without being in massive pain! HA! HA! HA!".. that sounds like a great idea you fucking sadist motherfucking moron. Why don't you light yourself on fire and tell me how it works out. Fuck you!

Stupid Mac

I was afraid that when I started using the Mac it would cause issues. Now at work I try to use the command key on my PC to cut and paste things. Ug.

Monday, July 09, 2012


I am frustrated with shit. It seems like trying to do things the way I have is not going to work.

Last night my son was not listening to anything I was saying. I told him to go to his room several times and he just basically said "fuck you no". I got frustrated with him. So finally I get up and push him towards his room and give him a little punch in the back shoulder. Not hard in my opinion. He does not cry. Does not flinch. It was really just a friendly tap to me. He thought nothing of it and finally gets the point I am fed up with his behavior and goes to his room.

So long story short the wife calls the cops on me. They come to the house. I am obviously angry and say "what the fuck" going to the door which they overhear. So they give me the hard ass routine. I doubt they had any intention of ever arresting me. Fuck at this point it probably be relaxing to go to jail.

So the cop is talking to me and he is like "do you want your son to hate you?", you can't live your life yelling at people, swearing at your wife, punching your kid when he does not listen. Somewhat I think this is bullshit but who knows. Maybe I am a fucking asshole and just do not realize it. I mean I feel like I have done nothing really bad. I feel guilty about my kids because I have pulled back from doing things with them as I got depressed... so it's really difficult for me and them.

He also said my son is all sad that the cops came and thinks it is his fault for not listening. I told him it was not his fault. Which I totally believe. Not sure if it is my fault or my wife's or what.

So the cop is all like this is all on you. You are the man in the family. It all starts and ends with you. He says my wife is afraid of me. I have never hit or touched her. I have yelled at her. I do have a lot of anger for the bullshit she pulls. I think you need to actually do something to be a criminal? I dunno.

The cop was telling me how he needed counseling for his family and was pretty nice overall even though he was trying to be a tough guy. I agreed to go see a shrink to talk about shit. I feel like I can handle things better but I do not feel like I abuse my kids or my wife at all.

So I cried a bit and was not really talkative with my son after that. I was a little because I did not want him to feel it was his fault.

Now I am really sad because I can not go on like this. It is ridiculous. So basically my options are to, in my opinion, really abuse my children and force them to leave their friends, go to a new town, try and make new friends which is very hard at the Jr. High level.. cause them endless pain... fucking blow this whole situation up. I obviously put my own experiences on this and it may be that they just fit in with the new kids.

I am not dealing with having cops come to my house. I am sick of being treated like a criminal because of shit my wife does. She stops paying bills and I find out years later she has not paid taxes, some bills are in court and I have a warrant for my arrest because I missed a court case in debt court or something.

I think I should just turn myself in and go to nice jail. Relax. Snooze on the pillows. No work. No kids. No wife. Sounds like heaven at least for a little while. I just can not fix anything. I do not know what to do. I am not such a huge dick that I could run away. Something extreme has to happen I think because I am not dealing with this shit anymore.

I think being depressed is the proper state of mind for my current life.

I think I have issues

I have ruled out women from my search criteria because women are bat shit crazy. 

These people like scare me.

Like this guy. First off he is smiling and I think he wants to rape me. I do not really know why I think this but I am a really good judge of character. Fat ass faggot shrink. On the positive side he does have anger management. Check this shit out though.

TMS is an adjunct to traditional therapy in my office because it is safe, reliable, and most importantly, effective. It is an FDA approved medical procedure for the treatment of depression, which is both non-invasive and non-systemic.

Soo.. you want to tie me up to a magnet and shoot magnetic waves through my brain and I am the crazy one? Can we get this straight please. I never fucking told anyone I wanted to use some fucking crazy ass alien magnetic brain device on them. I mean seriously? Next you will have me rubbing cats against my naked body for some CST - Cat Static Therapy. See I told you he wanted to rape me! Rape me with magnets and horny cats!

This guy is too far away. However he has the same smiling problem as the first person. Never trust anyone who smiles. Also look at his bald headed smugness? It just comes through the screen. I bet he was on the football team and stuffed kids like me into the locker. I am really just supposed to forget he shoved me in a locker and left me there all day and tell him my secrets? Really? Cmon now. Fucking New York times best seller and writes for Good Housekeeping? Hello? Rapist with a broom.

Who the fuck does not accept insurance? Oh wait I know. This guy! Isn't Dr. Katz some short, bald fuck, that reviews movies or something? Oh no that is another guy. I knew this dude was a cartoon character though! Stupid motherfucker! I can't even find the stupid motherfucker that reviews the movies. What was his name? I know someone knows this.

This dude might work. He is a little far away from me. Note: Not Smiling. Ok. He is smirking. However that is like "Fuck, I am supposed to smile, but what kind of faggot ass moron smiles? How about a smirk instead?". See I can respect that.

Are you fucking kidding me? How could I see someone who looks like PokerGrump. This dude has to have more fucking problems than I ever will.

Who the fuck is this guy? Samadhi Integral Life Practice Center? Sounds like some fucking terrorist cult. If he is wearing a Krishna robe I am running for the hills! Besides the fact I would have to fight the urge to say "Whatchu talkin about willis" ever five seconds. I do not think that would be conducive to therapy. Not to mention the fact that he will be putting pills into my system.. do not piss off the dude putting pills into you.

Why does this guy not have a picture? I suppose as a technicality this removes the objection I have to smiling. No picture. No smile. However how fucking ugly do you have to be to not even put a picture up? Let's see if I can find him on Facebook. OMFG! I found him. I think. No wonder he does not post a picture he looks like a fucking zombie! If that dude is not on some major fucking heroine or something then I am perfectly fine. Holy shit. Too bad because I sort of liked his description.

It does bring up the very real question though. Do you go for someone nearer your age so they can understand you more or a zombie. 

This fucker is bald but I got nothing else bad. Sort of further away than I want to go. Sounds good. Accepts insurance. Possible. No smile. Definite plus. Also not 1000 years old zombie who wants to eat my brains.

Gawd I can not decide if I should do a Gomer Pyle imitation or that other faggot ass on that show with the old guy who used to be on Mary Tyler Moore. Has a smile. I mean big, dick eating, smile, which is a negative, but sounds alright. I dunno. The smile could be a deal breaker for me. The goddamn herpes around his mouth too. Fucking get that checked bro.

Dude, don't you know you are supposed to be a fucking lawyer? Fucking sounds like a lawyer. "uses a biologically-based approach". What the fuck? Isn't everything biological? I mean this is like fucking living psychiatry unless your a fucking zombie like the other doctor.

Hey dude, I know you are gay. No, really, this one is. However do you really need to wear a stylish hoodie for your picture? Are you trying to be the hipster therapist? I mean this could be me but you look like a scrub in a hoodie that needs his mommy to tell him to keep his pants up. I am not really into the whole dressing good thing but at least pretend to try in your picture, ya?

This one is just to prove women are bat shit crazy. Go eat a granola bar you fucking kook.

Well this process is kind of exhausting so I am going to end it here for now. Probably need to do some work anyways. Comments welcome. I also have a more fun post for you later so tune back in. Lightning will love it because he is so sensitive and nice.


Learning Is Fun

Been learning iPhone Development. Good for the brain. Takes a lot of time.

Also have decided I like how Sheldon knocks on doors. So I have been doing it everywhere. Especially fun this morning with the wife.

Sunday, July 08, 2012

On Shrinks

Would anyone in their right mind want to be like Lightning? Seriously if the shrinks are fucked up as bad as you are then why would you trust them to be any help? If LoveElf wanted to do some one on one counseling that is a different story. Yeahhhh baby!

Thinking about this insane course of action anyways. Peace.


I have impregnated Josie (probably from that 3-some with Grouchie) and she is now having my love child. According to my daughters school. Who told her shrink that. This is all because some parent overheard my daughter saying that. Which happened because Josie sent me a card and had the incredible lack of discretion of putting XOXO on it. Everyone knows XOXO means love child. Least that happened a while ago even if I am just hearing about it now. It also made me burst out laughing. I know I am a terrible dad. More on that later. Peace.

** Nobody was impregnated in the making of this post.

Saturday, July 07, 2012

I dunno

I dunno what to do. This is not working. Something drastic is going to happen soon.

Friday, July 06, 2012

Just Wondering..

After reading today's post I was wondering what Josie and Tony's babies would look like. XD.

Still blah. Peace.

Monday, July 02, 2012

Why The Fuck Not

National Josie Has A Vag Day courtesy of Grouchie the less of a fat ass than before.

I am still in a fucking bad mood. Sending all my best wishes to Carmel because human beings really should be shot. This shall be my presidential campaign platform.

Motivation levels fluctuating between none and why don't I fucking shoot myself in the head. Some days I wonder why I even bother to get up and other days I look around and say what the fuck are you whining about you Vag. Who the fuck do you think you are Lightning? Josie on National Josie Has A Vag Day? You have it pretty good compared to some starving stupid fuck in Ethiopia. Fucking serves them right anyways not being born in a good country like America. Jesus fucking Christ. Fuck you all. See I am in a good mood. Is Ethiopia even starving anymore? I am old and remember they were a long time ago. Like in 1997. Do you old fucks remember this? Did someone feed them or something? I dunno. Fuck off! Love Waffles.

** P.S. No Ethiopians were harmed in the making of this blog post.