I have a plan. I always need a plan. If I do not have a plan my OCD goes insane and cripples me. At least that is what it seems like to me.
The objective is to be out of my house by September at the latest, and more likely around the end of the school year. Possibly June or July is more likely.
The plan so far is as follows. I have ordered two books from Amazon.com, actually I ordered like 10, but I ordered 2 copies of Divorce for Dummies. Key book points are:
- Understand the divorce process — review the key issues and decisions, get your finances in order, and file the petition
- Decide whether divorce is the best option — weigh the pros and cons of separation, consider marriage counseling, and learn about annulments
- Put things in motion — initiate the proceedings, break the news to your spouse and children, and deal with your emotions
- Make important and difficult decisions — divide your assets and debts, make a case for spousal support, and get the best custody arrangement for your children
- Protect yourself — plan for life after divorce, safeguard your money, and take action if things turn unfriendly or dangerous
- Avoid a divorce trial — negotiate your own divorce, seek help from an attorney, and work with a mediator
- Handle postdivorce challenges — meet your financial obligations, deal with visitation and child support problems, and get your personal life back on track
Most of the decisions are easy. The kids want to live with her. I am not going to fight against that. I will make sure they get to make the decision themselves if they decide to change it later. Custody visits should probably be easy to figure out. Debt should be split equitably. House proceeds should be split 50/50 either in cash as a buffer or possibly to pay down the debts. I do not really want anything from the insides of the house except my clothes, books, computer, and couple of old bows my dad left me. So should work out fine.
We can plan on selling anything we are not keeping and splitting any of that money. There are not really any other assets. We each keep our own cars and call it a day.
Hopefully this will work out. We can finalize the contract details with our own lawyers but if we just bring them the terms we want and ask them to read them over and make it happen I think we should keep the costs down on the divorce while also utilizing a lawyer to make sure neither one of us gets screwed over.
I am probably going to be paying at least 30% of my salary. Well worth it. I figure that is 70% more than I see now. "Why is divorce so expensive?" "It's worth it!".
If Plan A does not work then Plan B is operation scorched earth. I am immediately going to see a lawyer and taking however much of a down payment she needs out. We will run up tons of bills. It will be horrible. I will fight her on everything. I will leave the house, get advice from the lawyer on how to do it right, and just use all missile silos on full nuclear attack mode.
Hopefully Plan A works because Plan B is not going to be nice for anyone. Plan A is going to be really painful, and I feel really guilty, but we both need to move on in order to be there for our kids. I have like 3-4 years with the boy and like 8 years with the girl. I need to be healthy mentally and physically to repair our relationships and I need to start now.
Hopefully this will work out quickly. I plan on documenting the recovery of my life on the Rambling blog. Including my first pictures of my empty new apartment which should lead into full rebuild mode and some awesome shit in the future.