Today I got to meet with my daughters shrink. Apparently the school felt it might be useful for her because she is having socialization issues. I am actually glad I went because it brought a lot of things up.
I told her about my depression and the marital situation so she would have some better insight. She said my daughter thinks I am dating VeryJosie. I corrected that situation and let her know my wife was dating a guy, had him over to see the kids, and that I would never bring a woman home unless we were engaged or something serious. The shrink had no idea the wife had a boyfriend. Good lying there woman!
The "VeryJosie" incident came up too. I explained that while it is slightly improper to send silhouettes of naked chicks to young children.. that it was not graphic and I mentioned to Josie to never do it again.
I told the shrink that my daughter still slept with my wife. That I felt this was psychologically damaging and probably some of the root of issues. She asked why she still slept with her and I said I thought it was more my wife's hangups and shit than my daughter but that I was not sure.
I told her that I felt like I was doing some good things to come out of my depression, most of which I have listed here, and it was going well. That I was trying to take the high road with the wife. I was trying to ignore her negativity and try and do what was right anyways. She reminded me that I was depressed for a long time and if the wife was to see the positive changes it would take a long while for it to register through all the past history.
The shrink was talking about my daughter having socialization skills and I said I thought it had to do with her being a little different. She likes to dress in boys clothes and do her own thing and be her own woman. She is kind of geeky and weird I suppose. I am so proud of her for being her own person. I would never try and change that. Unfortunately different does not always play well in school.
My daughter wrote a story about catching a fish and how blood squirted out of it's body and scared her. She was very frightened apparently. I never noticed her being scared. She wrote this really, graphic, horror story about it I suppose. The school was "shocked" by it apparently. Now I have not read the story or anything but to me it seems she is getting dinged for being more intelligent for her age than her peers. I asked the shrink what the issue was and also if she had read the story. She confirmed she had not but my daughter told her about it. She did not provide a "why" it was a bad thing. Just "too graphic".. which sort of goes over my engineering brain.
The worst thing I heard is she is terrified of my son. He has ADHD and impulse control issues so he yells a lot and gets up in her face. I never thought she was scared of him because to be frank she beats the shit out of him and gives it back to him all the time. He has also on occasion hit her. Everytime we see this behavior we yell at him and send him to his room for punishment. We tell him it is unacceptable and he is not to pick on his sister. I am not sure what else to do. The shrink suggested maybe getting him a punching bag to take out some of his energy on. I will probably do that.
I am thinking about showing him some pictures of really battered women and asking him if he wants his sister to turn out that way and explaining to him that his behavior is a risk to have his sister get into an abusive relationship. I am not sure if he is too young for that or if it would even help. I can not think of any other ideas though. Any suggestions? Think this would be effective? Helpful? Too much for a 13yr old?
I also took out of the situation that I need to spend more time with my daughter. She seems like the reasonable, well mannered, normal one so I think she gets the shaft sometimes. Need to stop that.
We ended the chat and she suggested that I should go to a shrink for my depression. I am feeling better right now and I am on the fence about shrinks and medication but I said I would consider it. Peace.