Tuesday, February 22, 2011


WHEEE. I like playing Josie.

Very Josie Results Game One

Josie: nooooooo
Josie: i was being easy cuz ur a noob
Josie: thats the only reason

Victory is mine!

Surprising Stupidity

Let's see.. Hoyazo wrote the teams are unfair in Donkey Island. Let's assume that he is right and they are unfair. Is it any surprise? I mean you paid money to play and then you let someone on one of the teams split the people up. HELLO?!?! Do you not fucking deserve what you get for being that stupid? I mean seriously. What ever happened to picking names out of a hat or having two captains pick teams... BLAHAHAHAHA No let's use the totally fair method of one of the people on a team forming the teams.. I mean like that sounds sensible right? Stupid people deserve what they get. 'Nuff said. Peace. Did I mention I love Donkey Island?

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Slightly Different

I actually got Chess for the first time in my entire life. To me chess has always been a game where you lose miserably. You just kind of make random moves and die. No fun at all. A guy in my work has been playing people. I listened to him. He said things like this.

You must control the middle four squares. Those are the most important.
You need to form pawn lines
You should leave the 3 pawns and king rook so you can have protection and castle
Chess is about having control and making your opponent react instead of act
You need to keep your lines open across the board and cut your opponents lines down

I am so sure I am going to get slaughtered but I make the first move to start the battle. I jump my middle pawn out and then start forming a pawn line from the middle. I move my horses around. I free space for my queen and both bishops to move. I form pawn lines and I have freedom of movement. I keep pressing my moves and I see him clear out a pawn from over at his kings side where he has already castled. It then forms around me I make my moves. I get my queen out. I put him 1 move from check mate. He starts sweating. He can not think of what to do. He figures all he can do is sacrifice his queen and delay the inevitable. Finally after a long time he notices that he can move a pawn up and foil my plans.

After that I kept a strong momentum but it shifted to him for a while. I traded queens with him because I figured he knew how to play them better than I did. We fought hard and in the end I accidentally stale mated him. He had 1 king left. I had a king, a bishop, and a pawn. I was trying to score with my pawn but I started moving one turn too late and could not get down. I ended up protecting my pawn with the bishop and then brought my king down but inexperience cause me to stale mate him instead of winning.

It was the most enjoyable game I have played in a LONG time. Totally awesome fun. I think I like chess now.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Survivor: Donkey Island.

Holy crap. I thought Survivor: Donkey Island would be the biggest piece of shit ever. Was I ever wrong. We have Numblowme doing the "I am the best player ever" Hoyazo imitation. Not to mention the original Hoyazo making one of the most arrogant fucking posts he has ever done and that is a goddamn hard thing to do.

We have JammyHawk posting a fucking rant against muhctim. He took down the post but thanks to GoogleReader you can NEVER take anything back. I will give you the short version: Wah wah someone voted against me wah wah how could that fucking happen wah wah it must have been Muhctim wah wah wah wah well I will get him back and cast an evil vote against him wah wah wah wah how can anyone ever vote against me? I am a special flower. Shit I am glad he took down the post my version is much better.

Holy fucking shit it has only been one voting period too. I for one owe Goat a HUGE apology. If this continues the way it started then I am a full supporter! Viva Le Donkeys!!!!

Monday, February 14, 2011


I know I have shared this story before but since I am writing a piece on technology for the Tao of Fear I figured I would write it again. It is possible some of you have never heard this story also. This is republished from the original 2004 posting describing many of the things that made me the crazy person I am today.

:::: flashback sound effects ::::

The second reason I loved school was my arch enemy. We both were really good students and enjoyed hacking the schools DEC. He was a night school student and I ruled the day. One evening he noticed my tampering and changed my password on the DEC. I could not stand for that! The nice thing about the DEC is the operating system was all interpreted. I.E. You could rewrite it! Bahahaha! So of course I had several back doors at that time and quickly got in and kicked him out. After a few weeks of messing with each other the sysadmin (I.E. My Teacher) kicks both of us out and restores the OS from tape. Thus is formed the Triad of Evil! We joined forces with another friend of mine and spent a whole night hacking the teachers password. What could it be? School name. Girlfriend. Machine name. Nope. It was hot blondes. We caught that one last because we remembered he liked blondes and were getting desperate. We are now hyped on caffeine and pissed as hell that he would lock us out of OUR system. So we patch the OS again and kicked our teacher out of the system. It was our greatest triumph!

I came in the next day and the principle of the school is asking me why nobody can get into the system. It turns out that one of the triad decided it would be fun to lock everyone out instead of just out teacher. I put on my best Poker face, which is not very good, and say “I am not sure what happened but I could probably help you out”. He gets very angry and threatening and accusatory and I repeat my denial. He finally asks me nicely if I could help him out. I give everyone back access to the system and all is well. Now this principal is very smart. Instead of trying to blame us or expel people he decided if you cannot beat them you have to join them. The Triad of Evil goes legit and become the new sysadmins.

:::: end flashback sound effects ::::


Everything is proceeding in a pretty undramatic fashion right now. Nothing really exciting going on. Took the Au Pair the the train station this weekend so she could go in town and fuck someone who is not me. Damn she has big tits for a 5"10 blonde chick. I am liking our choice so far.

I am probably going to play some poker tonight. I am planning on a 100+9 PLO or PLO8 SNG. Swing for the fences baby! Only way to knock Bayne down and win the bet.

Toe is feeling much better. I never went to the doctor. The bruising and swelling just went wayyyyy down on the third day. It is still black and blue and somewhat bloody and a little tender but I am pretty sure it is not broken. Just to be safe I am taping my toes still.

I did make a foul shot in Basketball this weekend so the toe can not be that bad. We were at my son's game and my daughter was trying to shoot baskets. All 4 foot nothing of her. I think she is 4 feet. So she was getting frustrated and said "Ok, show me how it's done dad". So I take the ball. No warmup. Nothing. Go to the foul line. Perfect form. SWOOOOOSH! Nothing but net baby! Waffles can shoot. Waffles can score. Ahh yeah.

Been playing a bunch of Warcraft lately. Getting my kitty some Arena points and working up my guild achievements. I am so anti-social that all of the members of my guild are my alts. I am in a guild of just me. It is a level two guild too. Think about that. It is almost level three. Now if I can only find someone who is willing to farm critters for me. I was offering 100 gold per 1000 kills. A tunnel in the Western Plaguelands gives like 300 gold per pass.. so 30 gold for like 3 minutes of wasted time... 10K gold for the full 100,000 kill achievement. Seems like a good deal to me.

Currently reading the second book in the Coldfire trillogy:When True Night Falls. It is a pretty interesting series that mixes a modern technological society that gets stranded on a planet where you very dreams are turned into nightmares that can kill you. It takes a very different approach to sorcery and is interesting in the way it deals with things like that. I think it is well worth a read. It is my first C.S. Friedman series but he is a very popular writer who I think mostly wrote in the olden days like Heinlein or something. Alright I just looked it up and it's the 90's so not THAT old.

Saw an episode of Old Lady with a Stick Up Her Ass Yells at Stupid High School Dropouts also known as Tabatha's Salon Takeover. That show cracked me up. I mean the fat fuck high school drop out is like "I am a hair stylist it is not my job to pick up the place". The fuck it isn't you lazy piece of shit! I actually yelled that at the screen. Damn these idiots were taking advantage of their boss. Peace.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Commend Bodog

I have to say I am surprised and kind of pleased that Bodog decided to put it's foot down and suspend all data mining aids from it's client. I think this is a controversial move for a poker site but I like a lot of what they are saying in the "why" part of the article. I am sure they will lose some regulars because of this.

One other thing. Since I began writing the Waffles Report at Tao of Fear I need to look for the powers behind the scene. Is this possibly a precursor to Bodog going legit with some land based American casino? Would this hint at regulators banning these types of aids in the US? It seems logical to me. I have no proof or facts to back up any of these claims but if it happens you heard it here first.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011


Do I never learn. Nice. Bad. Mean. Good. I decide to be nice and play tag with the kids.. 20 minutes later we are wrapping up and I hit a turn too hard and my bare foot goes right into the wall post, down I go onto my knee.. I am waiting to see what is broken. Ug. FML.

Communication is Necessary

I have been taking peoples advice about the new Au Pair and trying to make her feel welcome by actually talking to her. I consider this to be bad advice but what do I know about people.

Me: So you just got out of the shower huh?
Her: um yes.
Me: mmm. Your hair smells so good.
Her: erm... thanks.

ok. Ok. I did NOT say that. I did think it however. Except it was kind of confusing because I am not sure if the fat Mongloid took the shower or the cute Scottish girl. I tend to think it was the Scottish girl because she always smells good. I did actually have some conversations with her too.. not sure I am good at that kind of thing without a few beers in me.

I took the kid over my friend Marks house for the Super Bowl. I know. Being social again. What the hell. It almost went bad. I was driving over and the kid had me looking at his mirror and for some reason we both thought the light changed green.. um, not so much.. I came inches from getting creamed. Not fun getting old.

The game itself was good. I played how many beers can I shove down my face before halftime.. I wanted to give myself enough time to get sober before I drove home. If you guess 3 then you win. The game itself was pretty decent. It was kind of boring at the beginning. I actually kind of started dozing off... yeah, yeah, maybe it was the beer.. anyway.. the last quarter was really good. I made it back in one piece too. I was actually fine by the time the game was over.

One thing that sucked was I missed Christina flubbing the National Anthem. The wife held me up too long. Personally I think she was totally drunk and fucked up. Do I think she should be burned at the stake though? nah. People fuck up. So what. What was up with that half time show too? I mean it was HORRIBLE. It seemed like the whole sound system was out of sync or something. The only part I enjoyed a little (even if it was a HUGE sell out) was Slash making love to Fergie with his guitar. Either that or I am wayy too horny.

The kid had a great time. He suckered Marks kid into playing some basketball on a nerf hoop. He is going to want to go to every Super Bowl party now.

Nothing else really going on. The house is leaking bad from ice dams. The fucking T was like an hour late for no goddamn good reason this morning. I mean seriously you can not run because it gets a little cold? Fuck you all. Peace.

Friday, February 04, 2011

Did she do it?

I think someone at the tanning salon messed up and made Josie a little orange oompah loompah goombah. The little princess got angry and stomped her mighty healed stiletto and broke their water main. The end. ;)

Thursday, February 03, 2011


Is such a small number. Flights of stairs. Yeah. Easy right? I was going to march up all 31 flights today.. except like around 10.. I kinda was um dying.. oh well.. At least I started exercising again. I even got something done off my to-do list too. Now to finish these Fritos.

THIS is why I love the Internet

Does Doctor Who REALLY only have 13 lives????
I heard from a friend that he only has 13 lives. Is this true!?!?!
I though he had an infinite number of lives.

From many episodes of the 1963-1989 series of Doctor Who, it has been made clear that any Time Lord can only regenerate 12 times - i.e. the thirteenth body would be the last. As David Tennant is playing Doctor #10, there should only be three more to come.

HOWEVER...this is sci-fi. There are ways out. In "The Keeper of Traken", the Master (who was the Doctor's arch-enemy for many years) reached the end of his 13th life. He managed to survive by using a highly powerful energy Source to merge with another person's body. He did something similar 15 years later in the 1996 TV movie. Also, Rassilon, the founder of Time Lord society, survived for thousands of years. He achieved immortality, but at the cost of having to hang about in his tomb forever. Omega, his old buddy turned to evil, did something similar by hanging out in a black hole.

So, there are options. Add to all of this the destruction of the Time Lords in the war with the Daleks, plus the fact that thanks to this all the laws previously governing time seem to be falling apart (e.g. see Father's Day), and I'm sure they will find a way to keep him going past his 13th life.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Would It Be?

I was reading this article and thinking about it.

Before Dr. Ronald E. McNair was an astronaut, he was a little boy who lived in Lake City, South Carolina. And the Lake City library did not allow African Americans to borrow books. Nine-year-old McNair refused to leave the library and the police were called.

Now the library is being renamed after him.

McNair was the second African American astronaut in space. He held a Ph.D. in physics from MIT and was a specialist in laser physics. What a loss it would have been if he had never been allowed to borrow those books.

Now I agree this was a bad thing to happen. However can we really say "What a loss it would have been if he had never been allowed to borrow those books"? I mean what loss would it be? He was not even the FIRST African American in space. I mean he was a mediocre second. Also are you really telling me that like there are not hundreds of people who can do that same job? I mean it is not like this motherfucker cured cancer right? He just like sat in a spaceship and got slung into space. Perhaps he like did an experiment or two. I mean shit he did not even blow up like those other Astronauts. Now they went they extra mile.

I am all for honoring the guys commitment to reading. I am totally against racism. I believe you should equally hate everyone. However I just do not see where the loss would be. One guy would be working at McDonalds instead of flying into space, and a library would save a few bucks on changing it's name. Hardly world changing.


I may have made a mistake in wanting a hot chick for an Au Pair. I mean take this morning for instance. She comes out of her room with her hair in a pony tail and wearing a sweat shirt and pants. It felt like I was MiamiDon during his college days. I swear I am going to have an eternal case of blue balls for the next couple of years.

Chicks have always been a confusing thing to me. As a kid I always thought they were these Angelic creatures placed upon a pedestal and worshiped from afar. They glowed in a heavenly radiance and made you feel all tingly inside. If only I could have a girlfriend then my life would be complete.

Flash forward 20 years and I got what I wished for. Never wish. The universe is WAITING for you to wish for something so it can stomp on you and crush you even more. If you stop wishing for things then the universe can not crush your dreams because you no longer have any. It was pretty good in the beginning but turned bad pretty fast.

Now I dream about divorce and the universe is confused on how to make me suffer the most. We are in a holding pattern. Staring each other down. Waiting to see who will flinch first. Cursed universe!

I have dated more women since the wife and I decided to split than I did all of my youth. I have slept with many more than all of that time. Living the dream right? Except the more I get involved with women the more I think they are fricken crazy.

I can see how the stories of the bible might be true. Picture it. Eve comes by one day. She has a new fig leaf. Adam is busy watching the beetle races. He has seven figs on the Red Rover beetle team. Eve walks by a few more time then she is "Oh no he didn't! I put on a new fucking fig leaf and he did not even notice! Well fuck him! I am gonna make him eat that apple and see how he likes me then!".

I really think I should take the path of the celibate monk. Spend my remaining days sequestered in a monastery not thinking about chicks. It sounds like a perfect plan. Then I watch Skinamax After Dark and I am hooked again. FML.