Tuesday, February 01, 2011


I may have made a mistake in wanting a hot chick for an Au Pair. I mean take this morning for instance. She comes out of her room with her hair in a pony tail and wearing a sweat shirt and pants. It felt like I was MiamiDon during his college days. I swear I am going to have an eternal case of blue balls for the next couple of years.

Chicks have always been a confusing thing to me. As a kid I always thought they were these Angelic creatures placed upon a pedestal and worshiped from afar. They glowed in a heavenly radiance and made you feel all tingly inside. If only I could have a girlfriend then my life would be complete.

Flash forward 20 years and I got what I wished for. Never wish. The universe is WAITING for you to wish for something so it can stomp on you and crush you even more. If you stop wishing for things then the universe can not crush your dreams because you no longer have any. It was pretty good in the beginning but turned bad pretty fast.

Now I dream about divorce and the universe is confused on how to make me suffer the most. We are in a holding pattern. Staring each other down. Waiting to see who will flinch first. Cursed universe!

I have dated more women since the wife and I decided to split than I did all of my youth. I have slept with many more than all of that time. Living the dream right? Except the more I get involved with women the more I think they are fricken crazy.

I can see how the stories of the bible might be true. Picture it. Eve comes by one day. She has a new fig leaf. Adam is busy watching the beetle races. He has seven figs on the Red Rover beetle team. Eve walks by a few more time then she is "Oh no he didn't! I put on a new fucking fig leaf and he did not even notice! Well fuck him! I am gonna make him eat that apple and see how he likes me then!".

I really think I should take the path of the celibate monk. Spend my remaining days sequestered in a monastery not thinking about chicks. It sounds like a perfect plan. Then I watch Skinamax After Dark and I am hooked again. FML.


Blogger Buffalo66 said...

"If you stop wishing for things then the universe can not crush your dreams because you no longer have any."

This is the realist version of "the secret", or perhaps the anti-secret?

You need to write a book on this and Oprah would be pimping it in no time.

Word verification: unsingleo

8:33 AM

Blogger Josie said...

Celibate? But that would be such a waste...

9:43 AM

Blogger lightning36 said...

Waiting for your "coming out of the closet" post ...

10:31 AM

Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

I would but Anal seems painful... and messy...

11:04 AM

Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

P.S. It kind of scares me that Lightning is waiting for me to go Gay.

11:19 AM


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