Friday, October 29, 2010

Have You Seen

Have you ever seen the movie "Where the Wild Things Are". What the fuck is up with that? I mean does it even have a remote resemblance to the fucking book? I mean shit why don't I write a fucking movie called "The Tale of Peter Rabbit" and have it be about motherfucking space hippos that come to earth and eat goddamn vegetation and then shoot poison farts at people and kill off the human race. What the fuck?


I am more mad than I have ever been. Anyways here are my picks in the double or nothing. Much tougher week to pick for most games.

Packers Jets Jets 13
Bills Chiefs Chiefs 12
Dolphins Bengals Dolphins 11
Redskins Lions Redskins 10
Texans Colts Colts 9
Jaguars Cowboys Cowboys 8
Vikings Patriots Patriots 7
Panthers Rams Rams 6
Steelers Saints Steelers 5
Broncos 49ers Broncos 4
Buccaneers Cardinals Buccaneers 3
Seahawks Raiders Seahawks 2
Titants Chargers Titans 1

Thursday, October 28, 2010


Happy Birthday JMAN! Your a great kid. Even though you make me realize what hell I must have put my parents through. We are so alike in some ways.

Today some dude was like "Hey don't park on my street".. and I am like "Fuck you bitch". He was like "It is a residential street".. and I am like "Where is the no parking sign you cocksucker?". So I parked there. I figure if he keys my car I can burn his fucking house down. That is how Waffles rolls.

Another dude who knows how to treat people right is Office Ninja. He is a fucking maniac. He tortures those that he works with. I need him here some days. Make sure you read all his back posts and join his Face Book Page. I think my favorite attack was when he screwed with the PPC and made them pay out hundreds of dollars worth of gift certificates that they were not supposed to. Go read that bitch!

Oh and one other thing. Do not tell me to fucking Vote. Like it really makes a difference? I mean fucking grow up and stop believing in fucking faeries and rainbows you stupid fucks. Whoever you vote for is going to stick a burning hot metal poker up your ass and make you bleed. I am Waffles and I support this message. Brought to you by the campaign for stopping the stupid.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


I have decided to join the MoVember activities and shave my beard and grow a porn stash. I already have hired an assistant to follow me around singing "boom chickaaa wahhh wahh" all day long.

Ran another three miles last night. In the dark. It was pretty nice out. Got winded after like a mile then caught my second wind around two miles but my muscles are still exhausted by then. So still not up to my old shape. Still down at 172 as a weight. Mostly lost a little muscle. Going to start up the pushups again. Very hard to get motivated to do those unlike the running.

Not much else going on. Here is a typical wifeism. I come home the other night and she asks me to go to Walgreens. I had just gotten back from going to the Grocery store after work. I needed to get my run in. It was already dark. So I said that I needed to run. Her argument was "Oh I see you get to run but I can not go to the track". Later I asked her if she REALLY would have gone to the track alone in the pitch dark. She said she would not have. So what the fuck? Why do you give me grief if your not even planning to go? Fucking moron.

To be fair and show the mean side of Waffles... instead of having the nice conversation I just said "You are fat. I am in shape. So you do not need to walk as much as I need to run". Soooo... alright I am mean sometimes. I kinda regret when I say shit like that. I have a lot of anger inside. Peace.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Doing it Again

Josie and I are letting it ride.. double or nothing. I personally think she should lose on purpose. Have you ever seen me with four drinks in me? Fucking Hillarious! Just as Love Elf about me and the dancer in the bar where I was doing shots of Patron. It was pretty funny.

This week I think the matchups are a lot harder to call. A lot of good teams playing each other. Games where it can go either way.

Now I have to get back to planning on killing Woodpeckers**. My house has been attacked! It is not good.

** No Woodpeckers will be harmed as they are federally protected and I love nature.

We Are The Champions

I read Josie's posts about her new skin lotion and I wonder what she might smell like. The alluring scent of a woman. Getting a woody just thinking about it. Today though I think she smells like defeat. Waffles handicapping skills came through and pulled off an exciting Monday Night win. I admit I was sweating it when Eli tossed two picks in his first two possessions. The great onside kicks and inspired play of Kitna had me a little worried at the end. I mean did you see that last onside kick? The Giants player kicked the ball in the direction of Dallas. It was just lucky that they overshot it and he was able to recover. Real nail bitter at the end there. Just the way a bet should end.

I think I may have to thank Hoyazo for the win. I think he is a bigger cooler than I ever could be. In his words "Cowboys over the Giants tonight. Tom Coughlin always has a way of surprising you on the downside after a couple of big wins. Bank it.". Ohhh yeah. I banked it alrighty. He always cracks me up. Check this statement out too.. "One thing I will say about the 2010 World Series -- this is yet another victory for the little guy, for the small market team that is not the Yankees, Red Sox, Phillies or Mets.".. Really? You wanna put the Mets in that grouping? I mean what the fuck have they done except burn millions. Seriously fail team.

I am not sure what is going on with me but I am feeling really tired and down. Ever since I got sick I just have not been feeling right. I took the other day off because I was really tired and possibly depressed. I dunno. I am not sure if I am feeling down because of physical or mental issues. Hopefully I will get over it and feel more energized like I was feeling before. I think I may sit outside for a while today since the weather is looking good.

I am back up to 3 miles. I ran on Saturday. It felt pretty good. However I was extremely tired at the end and still have a little bit to do before I regain my pre-sick fitness. Tonight I am doing another 3 miler and returning to my program of 3-miles, 1.5 miles, and 4 mile runs. I have lost like another 3 pounds. Down to 171. However I think this is mostly muscle because I have not been doing my pushups since I got sick. I need to start those up again. Latah.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Football Picks

Pure gold for you sports betters. I have a full 14 team pick as well as a bet placed on it. Cooler requirements met. Without further ado here are my picks for week 7 of NFL football. Basically how this works is you choose what team is going to win and you place a rating of how sure you are. So if you win your 14th point pick then you get 14 points. Person with the most points at the end wins.

Team A Team B Winner Rating
Bills Ravens Ravens 14
Browns Saints Saints 13
Begals Falcons Falcons 12
Jaguars Chiefs Chiefs 11
Patriots Chargers Patriots 10
Raiders Broncos Broncos 9
Vikings Packers Vikings 8
Giants Cowboys Giants 7
Eagles Titans Titans 6
Steelers Dolphins Steelers 5
Rams Buccaneers Rams 4
Cardinals Seahawks Seahawks 3
49'ers Panthers 49'ers 2
Redskins Bears Redskins 1

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Fucking Sun Worshipers

Listen. I am not one of those "I love the sunshine" fruit bats. My natural habitat is like dank, dark, cellars with a florescent screen. For some reason though lately the darkness has been pissing me off. I mean I get home. I go out and run in the dark. I wake up in the dark and head to work. All dark dark dark. Fucking annoying me for some reason. When is goddamn Farmers daylight time or whatever the fuck. I mean seriously.

Running is coming along again. I am back up to 2.5 miles after my sickness. So my last three runs have been 1, 2, and 2.5. I may finish the week up with 3.5 and 4 mile run. I can then just get back to my normal schedule of 3, 1.5, and 4 with a fun weekend run. Jesus I can not even believe I just said running is fun. It kind of can be though.

Weight is staying stable at 173.5. I need to start up my pushup program again. I was going to do it Tuesday but was kind of tired. Will be interesting to see how much strength I have lost in two weeks.

Football picks up tomorrow at noon. Peace.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Mean Person

Josie is under the false opinion that I am a meanie and want her pathetic Jaguars to lose. I just was stating an intellectual fact that they WOULD lose. Not expressing any human emotional attachment to wanting her to lose. Of course I was right as always. So nah nah nah nah!

Of course even though I have won I am sure Josie will make sure I pay and thus lose. Poker and life are so very close to one another.

In the spirit of competition we will both be participating in her football pool this week. A private two person version. Loser buys winner drinks. I will post my picks on Friday. Each pick has a number associated with it as to how sure you are of the pick. The person with the most points wins. All you sports betting people please stop salivating on my web site. It makes the colors blur. Cooler powers. Activate!

Sunday, October 17, 2010


I am fucking annoyed. I think I am still sick. Not positive. I just feel really run down. Part of it is because I stopped running while I was sick. I tried to run again this Saturday. Holy fucking shit! I barely did a mile. The left side of my chest got this point of pain.. like someone was trying to drill a fucking hole in it. I just could not run through it. Not sure if this means I am sick still and have fucking walking Pneumonia or something... or if it is because my lungs have fucking collapsed during my week plus of no exercise and I have to build up again. I tend to think something is wrong with me because I hope to hell a week off does not kill you that bad. I dunno. Fucking pissing me off.

Stupid wife found out I was setting up a new bank account. I think she is scared. Perhaps she should be. I explained that I wanted to get some separation between our lives. She was curious about if like I was going to pay for her dry cleaning and shit like that... or stick her with everything... I really can not say. I mean while I live in the house and support the kids and her it would not be fair to stick her with everything I do not feel like paying... On the other hand though I do need separation and a lot more control........ so anyways.. I really did not want to tell her yet because I have not thought out all the ramifications but whatever. So now I have my own account and PO box...... now I need some bills. Wheee.

My life is way too complicated. At least I can write these posts while I sit in work though. Wheeee.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

What The Fuck!

I inspire people? Hello? Have you fucking read this blog? I am not your little role model sitting here to inspire you to a better fucking life! I want you to at best life a long and soul shattering existence... at worse die in fucking flames while I watch and do not piss on you to put the flames out. SO stop being fucking inspired!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Oh My God! You are Right!

Luke said...

Before you get an xray get a clue and go some place where people truly run bad (maybe a third world country) and find out you really have run stupendously good from the time you were born.

Oh my God. Luke is so right. What the hell was I thinking. I am so blessed. It is unbelievable. Shut the fuck up you goddamn hippie bitch. If your so blessed why don't you fucking adopt some starving African or something. Fuck if we all adopted one African then like billions of African's would not be starving. Hell it would even help the economy with all the soccer balls, baseballs, school clothes, and the like we would be buying. I could solve the entire countries economic problems. Shit it would be easy for most of the people on welfare too. Instead of fucking some new dude and pushing out another kid. Fuck it's on my dime too so it would be like I was adopting more kids than one. See fucking brilliant. Go finish your fucking Latte and shut the fuck up Luke.

Waffles is officially feeling a little better.

Sunday, October 10, 2010


I swear I am cursed among men. I got going early Saturday to implement my plans. I get to the post office. Get my PO box. Head off to the bank. I get there and it turns out that someone has an account at the bank I chose with my SSN number! I mean what the fuck? What are the goddamn odds of that? Nobody every fucking believes that goddamn odds do not apply to me. Whatever the fuck can go wrong does. I head home to get the SSN card and I fucking starting a wracking, shaking, fevered attack. So here I am dying under my covers starving to death and downing multiple bottles of Gatorade without needing to pee hoping to hell I do not die of dehydration. FML.

Friday, October 08, 2010


It seems like the C25K converts I have made are starting to surpass me in zealotry and or exercise regimen. Osuuuuu is starting the bridge to 10K and is running a nice 60 minute routine which I assume is more than the 4 miles I am running. A buddy I work with is just into week 5 of the couch plan after a slight calf setback.. but he got one of these babies. He is getting pretty serious about mapping his runs and figuring out his MAX VO5 (isn't that a shampoo?) and all that shit so he can have optimal workouts. Hell even JMan kicks my ass in a mile doing a fricken 7 minute one with no effort. Damn kids. Get off my lawn!

I am progressing slow and steady. I want to get some more time under my belt before I start going past 4 miles. I also want to work on some interval training as my "fast" running kills me now. I can get into a nice average groove and go pretty far feeling good the whole way but if I sprint or run full out for a lap then I get pretty crushed.

The weight loss is coming along too. I guess I should feel better about things. I mean in December I was not exercising at all and my weight jumped up to like 196. I was pretty amazed. So I started walking again and bumped it down to like 186. I then started the Couch to 5K program and this morning I was a modest 173. So I have made a lot of progress. I am in the stage where it's going to be coming off pound by pound and not in leaps and bounds. The grind. I have never been good at the grind. I am trying to change though.

I am planning on firing the first shots of independence this weekend! No Lightning I am not going to buy a shovel and duct tape. I made a plan a while back and I have been procrastinating. This weekend I am implementing the whole thing. Phase One.

Oh yeah and it would not be my blog if I did not do a Sexy Girl from Sweden shoutout! Go check out her blog. She seems to be a poker pro living the life! Peace.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Are you Smarter than a 12yr old?

If your my wife then probably not. I was at work the other day and the wife sent an email asking what time I was going running. The boy had mentioned that he wanted to go with me. So I tell her when we are going running and get no response back except that it is going to be late and he has homework and things to do.

I get home and all of the sudden he is too tired to go running but the wife is taking him out to Friendlies. Um. yeah. Whatever. I asked him if he really wanted to go or not as we were tossing a few football passes around and he was springing around at top speed. Tiredly of course. He said no, he did not want to go.. I think he really just did not want to cause problems with his mom.

Anyhow that was fine. I went for my run. It started out rough and I was feeling sore.. Hit the groove in the middle of my mile and a half and it felt alright. I was not as into the run as I have been.

I get home. Fire up the Warcraft upstairs. Turn on some TV. The kids come home. I keep playing but I talk with them. I hear about mom looking at houses. Even a house she could afford. Sounds good to me. Kids are kind of excited. However nothing is going to happen right away so she probably should have kept it to herself.

The girl goes to bed. I tell her goodnight and all. The boy and I are talking. He is watching Football. 'Bama vs something or other. He likes college football way more than I do. I am playing some more Warcraft while I chat with him. So the wife comes out and she is like "Why are you upstairs? It distracts JMan from getting ready for bed.".. I say I want to spend time with him and stuff. She is like "Well your not spending time with him playing a game".. Yet we were talking and having a good time and doing our own things too.. She is always telling me it's important to just be around the kids in the same physical space for the past few years. How I am a horrible dad because I am always downstairs. She then has the balls to say "Well why do you want to be upstairs now? You have not been upstairs for the past twelve years".. besides the slight exaggeration I start to explain how I am feeling better with the running and the boy blurts out "He is upstairs because he is not depressed anymore and wants to be with us kids". Exactly. Now I would not say I am totally not depressed but I am well back into functioning land.

It's was pretty heart warming to know the kid realizes that I am trying and I am getting my shit together. It is also pathetic that it makes the wife so jealous. She is all pissed off all the time because I am upstairs and spend time with the kids. She does EVERYTHING she can to ruin it. After years of complaining about it she is now jealous and can not stand that I am making a good relationship with the kids. Everything she does shows this. Stealing him away from the run to go to Friendlies, fucking up my weekend plans, trying to banish me to the basement... she is just so pathetic it is not even funny.

The best part though is I can piss her off by just doing what's right. Just keep on loving my kids and being better for them. Keep taking them out and being a good dad. It drives her nuts. Peace.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Grow the Fuck Up

So sick of that cunt. She can not even stand if someone disagrees with her at all. She is a fucking moron. I swear I should just start being mean to her for the fuck of it. Last night she was going to do some extra laundry for some new clothes she bought SGirl and I was like "hey, I need to use the Laundry because you and the Au Pair have been hogging it all Monday and most of Tuesday and I have been wearing dirty clothes for a week".. So she starts bitches about how I should go to the coin laundry, then we start arguing about shit like her lying and backstabbing me and being jealous of anything good I do with the kids so she tries to sabotage it or do an equal thing because she can’t stand that I have fun with the kids… then she is like I am tired of this shit and I am going to get you kicked out of the house tonight. So I am like It is my house and you can not get me kicked out. She is like It is my house too!! No shit I am not trying to get you kicked out. So I am like Go ahead and do it. She is like first thing in morning I am going to! Blah blah blah.. Fucking back it up or shut the fuck up.

She is just an amazingly selfish bitch. All she is going to end up doing is devastating the kids lives. I will be much better off. The kids will be wrecked. So I do not want this to happen and the pussy keeps threatening me but has no balls to ever do anything so it probably will not. Fucking annoying.

She can not stand anyone disagreeing with her. The boy disagrees with anything she says and it's like "I am sending you to military school". Fucking moron. So fucking pissed off.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Bruce Jenner

I am becoming a regular Bruce Jenner. I cut my average mile down to 10.5 on last nights run. If you remember a week ago I was doing a 11:16. It appears that my training is paying off and my endurance is getting better. A chunk of that time is probably because I can do a really fast last lap too.. I have been trying to push myself at the end a little and it seems to be working.

I am still trying my grazing eating thing. Not sure if it is doing anything as I am still stuck at the 174-177 range of weight. It does kind of make you see how disconnected to eating we can become though. Normally I would basically skip breakfast, gorge for lunch, and gorge for dinner. Now I actually kind of have to figure out if I am hungry and get a snack. Often times eating a snack triggers my hunger response which is kind of weird. I really have no point here except that hunger and eating are pretty disconnected at times.

Poker is like making me so pissed off. I really do not want to play. I have been taking a break. I just get so fucking pissed off because the idiot fucking assholes with their one out always seem to get there. It is fucking amazing. Like why have any skill in a game if it's all going to come down to some motherfucker trying to hit his 4 outs or better.

Omaha is even more fun. I mean why play hands like AAKQ DS when some fucktard is going to call your raise with 28K6 no suit, and flop is going to come K6 two of my suit... and he is going to jam all in and you miss your 10 bazillion outs for the fucking ninetieth time. Even expert advice from guys like Bayne sucks. I mean why jam AA2KDS in NL08 when some retard with 339Q is going to call and scoop the fucking pot not once, not twice, but three times in a single tourney. I mean give me a fucking break. It is just so retarded sometimes. Makes me so angry. Peace.

Monday, October 04, 2010

World of Sexy Elves

Picked up Warcraft again this weekend since the great Cataclysm is coming and I have a few things to do before they become impossible.. like getting exalted with the Zandalar trolls. Soloing old world content is awesome.

Josie is not a donkey poker player she is awesome.

Sometimes you make bad bets and lose. 'Nuff said.

Weekend was same ole with a little fun. I sometimes think I am too nice. JMan and I had plans for Saturday. The bitch takes him out and takes up too much time so we never get to go. So we reschedule for Sunday. I tell her this. She says that she wants to go out to lunch with the kids. So being the nice guy I am I say "alright, why don't you have lunch with the kids and I will take him afterwards".. Five O'Clock rolls around and guess what she is out with the kids and her boyfriend and totally fucked up my plans for the day. Fucking cunt. She finally gets home after I yell at her and slam the phone down on her. We then all end up going to the place I wanted to go together at like 6:00 at night. On the bad side this caused us only to be able to stay for like one ride.

On the good side the kid's and I got to ride Go Carts for the first time ever. It was fricking awesome! I was a little afraid my son would not be able to drive or not be allowed to because of height restrictions. He was psyched that he was tall enough to drive himself. We got there in time for the last ride. It was the jerk and my daughter in one car with the jerk driving. JMan and I had our own cars. There were like 3 other people on the track. JMan was driving fast and doing great. Dad was not to be defeated though. I ended up lapping him once by doing some extreme driving. Alright it was pretty easy. Basically once I did my first lap I decided I could do the laps with the pedal pressed full. All I needed to do was slam the steering wheel all the way to one side and I could tail spin around the corners at blazing speed. Besides being fucking fun it was effective. I passed the little man once. He was amazed I caught up to him and asked me for lessons. The idiot and my little girl were going like two miles per hour because she was a little scared at first.

We are going to try this again in a couple weeks probably. It was a serious blast even if the bitch fucked up the plans. I am not sure who enjoyed the ride more my son or I.

The end of the ride was funny. This kid comes out and walks across the track with a wooden block to indicate people should stop and pull in. Well my son nearly KILLS the guy. He was so pissed. My son looks at him and says "You never told me this thing had a break!". Peace.

Friday, October 01, 2010

So Annoyed

I am getting so annoyed. The whole attitude thing with the wife is nuts. A few days ago she goes out with the kids to do laundry. What she neglects to tell me is that actually she is going to meet the BF at a restaurant, drop my daughter off, and then go do laundry with JMan. Um. Yeah. Hairy Boobs and a dinner date. um.

Now really I do not think anything funny is going on.. but I do not think it is appropriate. I mean keep your relationship with you BF between you two. When he scrams in a year or so then what? Are the kids going to be attached to him and have a bad shock? Who knows.

The thing that really bothers me though... I figured out this whole date night thing because the boy was complaining that his sister got to go to a nice restaurant and he was stuck doing laundry with mom. So I dug in and found out the rest. He felt like he was under duress to tell me though. The Wife seems to threaten him with leaving the house and moving to an apartment and also military school. A package from the military school did come today.

I think her sneakiness is a really bad sign. Threatening the kid with all kinds of crap. Military school? I mean the kid needs some changing but I sort of doubt military school is the best place for a kid with learning issues.

All I do is ask to be involved in decisions and kept in the loop with everything. Every turn I take she is hiding things, threatening people, and doing stuff behind my back.

She has also been REALLY hard on the boy since the incident with the Au Pair. I can see cracking down. I am all for that. She is going too far though. Yelling at him all the time. If he speaks back at all it's "Yelling at her"... I mean give me a fucking break. The worst part too is she does NOTHING if the girl is not behaving. Last night my daughter whipped a hard bouncy ball right into his balls. Ouch. The wife did not even say a word to the girl. I took her ball away. Probably should have done more.

The boy brings up the point that she has a double standard and the wife is like "well, yeah, she is younger".. which was a total bullshit answer. He wanted to know if I thought she had a double standard and I said I did. She then flips out and accuses him of setting us against each other and all kinds of bullshit. The kid has a right to express an opinion and have that opinion validated by another person.

I am just sick of the bullshit lately. Her last words to Jman were "Your actions are going to have consequences". Well... I think it's time to give her some of her own medicine. Her actions will have consequences too.