Friday, April 30, 2010

Clearing Up Misunderstandings

First off my side blogroll at the moment NEVER was meant to encompass every blog I read. I you look at the fine print you see the "Click here to see my entire blogroll or just read the guys I start my mornings off with.". If you ever bother to click there you will see people like Schaubs who I do not link directly. I have over 1200 Poker Blogs on my reader. I honestly can not directly link all of them. I can understand the confusion as I whored my link out to Josie.. but she is very convincing.

I also recently added Bayne and Riggs but not Schaubs. Only because I find it amusing. I will not say Schaubs will NEVER get a link. That is only reserved for people I really hate like Hoyazo. I think Schaubs is a great guy. First whiner gets punished though.

I hope this clears things up. I am considering making a few changes in the future and at that time I may review my policies.

Secondly I feel the need to respond to Wolfies comment. He says that our grassroots movement is showing desperation. This is not possible. It is the MAN that is desperate. The establishment. The policia. The boring gray suits that live in their glass towers and throw out their commands to us worthless peons. No my friends. Our movement is one of the heart. One of love and freedom and of the people. We have no timetables like the 9-5'ers. We have no need for speed. Our movement is self propelled and it swells out of the hearts of its people. Just like Martin Luther King freed his people through peace and kindness our movement will grow on its own because it is made of truth, justice, and the American way. Even if I should be slain by these evil corruptor's of the pure spirit of Mookie THE MOVEMENT WILL CONTINUE.

It is the corporate overlords that show fear. They splash their firebombs of hatred and fear of everything and anything that does not fit into their cubbyhole view of the world. I say IT IS YOU who fear us. You must try and tear us down. We fit outside your sphere of control. So you must attack. You must destroy. You will bring your police batons of hatred and violence to destroy what we share from the goodness of our hearts.

I have seen the spirit of dearly departed Mookie and he spoketh to me. He the original renegade. The man who took a very successful tourney and walked away from it. He who embraces the rights of others. I did speak unto him. Can I get an Amen? AMEN! My brother in soul dear Mookie gave me his word from the heavens. His burning bush. He spoke unto me. He gaveth me his blessing and I will repeat here for you my brethren his most holy words. He said unto me "I have no objections to any of that". Have you ever heard such a ringing endorsement for what we are trying to accomplish here? Have you? I swear it is like he came up with the idea himself and implanted it into my brain. Hallelujah!

So my friend Wolfie. It is with peace in my heart that I continue my grassroots movement. I know you are a newbie. You were not there in the days when Mookie and I forged the great tourney. You did not have to get sucked out on by six of Mookies retarded friends. You did not suffer the pain. You were not there as I endless harassed Mookies wife. You have just arrived on the scene. So I try and guide you with a gentile hand.

I hold no hatred to the brainwashed legions of the Dank. The corporate sheep. The lambs who follow the man as he leads them about with fettered ring upon their noses. For ours is a peaceful movement. A grassroots movement. One of the people. For the people. Forever and ever. Amen!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

See THIS is what I like

The BBT5 is awesome. It brings out a lot of action in the community. Comments fly everywhere. People have a good time and talk a lot of shit. Here are some of the highlights.

I counted FOUR blogs that called the Mookie The Dank or the Buddy. I think we can increase this number. Are you with me? CMON! Solidarity brothers and sisters. I honestly have no strong opinion on renaming the Mookie. I know it will never officially happen. I LOVE the hate it generates though. Waffles blog is all about this shit. So join in and help me out. Let's get that number up to eight next week. Here I will even link the blogs that have helped in this grassroots organization.

SirFWALGman (Always link yourself right JJ!)

I know I saw another one or two. If you referred to it as The Buddy or The Dank drop me a comment and I will throw your link in.

The comments about the game were awesome too. Check out Bayne's comment section where Sucko and the eventual winner Poker Meister discuss the relative donkness of 3-betting and 4-bet jamming 66 and AK when you are the top two stacks in a tourney and have over a zillion blinds. Great stuff in there.

Loretta makes his triumphant return to blogging and extols my virtues. I really did not read it. I just kind of saw blah blah blah blah WAFFLES blah blag blah blah WAFFLES blah. It is basically how I see most blogs. He then gets caught in the net of Very Josie linkage. I swear that chick gets around. I read about her on several blogs today. I think she has plans to be on everyone's sidebar!!!

Poker Grump has a great writeup about how he was by far the best player remaining in the Mookie and bad luck caused his downfall as he valiantly outplayed the donkeys he was against. Poor guy getting donkey kicked in the stomach. I feel sorry for him.

Since I am linking up people Coop played. I have to say CK's post sucked balls. I really want to know how Blaaarggghhh donkey fucked you so fast and so hard. Four minutes is sick. Please woman inquiring minds want to know!!! WAIT! I checked the comments and Blaaaarggg was actually... ahead? No fucking way! I want a recount!

Excitement everywhere. I am starting to get into this BBT5.

Another Dank Another Dollah

Well technically another eleven dollars less. Like the title Wolfshead? Just for you brotha!

I just can not seem to get anything going here. I had a good chance early on when IT jammed his hand. Obviously he had NOTHING but I was not willing to pull the trigger that early with my much higher nothing. Hoyazo was on fucking fire. He was catching two outters and hitting two pairs with J3 trash. Not that he was playing badly mind you. He was playing well. He was just hitting everything.

Tragedy was playing like shit and wound out going out quickly. It was obvious that he was not into the game.

Josie piped in for a few comments. Which was probably the highlight of my night. Except for the fact that I almost choked to death on my coke because of her. Here this ones for you.

I snapped off a short stacks jam of KT with my monster AJ in a CO vs SB situation. It was looking good until the Ten hit the river. FML. I did pull off a bluff on Iggy. I am sure he had nothing. So I cold called his flop bet and made a decent raise on the turn.. but one that said "Hey ya, that Queen hit me, and I want you to call".. So being the weak tight dwarf he is of course he folded.

My final hand was with the blinds at 120 and my stack at 1500. I saw the aforementioned weaky tighy raise so I figured I would snap off his bet and collect some dead money with my TJ spades or at the very least I would be live. Loretta ends up protecting my hand by jamming behind and turns over AKo. The turn gives me a straight draw and a flush draw but I miss all 13 outs and cry in my milk.

Essentially the score for the night was two races, one from each side of the best hand, and two loses. I felt like I would play both hands the same way with blinds, stack size, and all other factors considered. So I think I played well with what I had and just got nowhere.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Action Continues Tonight

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Day in the Life

Game 1:
Decent stack but high blinds and lot of people left. KQ Jams. He has low amount of chips. I call with AT. KK flop Q river.

I get bad cards so I get down to like 500 chips with 10 blinds. I jam all in with K2 from EP. Mostly because I had been so tight. I get rejammed by a guy which effectively protects my hand. Flop K25. I start thinking hey he has no outs right. 7 turn. Wait. He has a 5 for an out right? River 5. IGH.

Game 2:
Jam K8 s00ted after not playing a hand for a LONG time and get called by KJ. Jamming K8 good idea. Calling all your chips with KJ not good. Still in it.

Jam AQ s00ted. Q7 calls. Bubble time. I hold somehow.

TJ. Flops a T. CR all in. Ace river... HOWEVER J on turn saves my buns. 2 of 4. With 3k chips 160 blinds.

Down to 2k vs limped Kings. Coulda cost me more with my TP but did not.

Couple steals. 2,3 and 4 are tied at like 2k-2400. Still bubble has not broken.

Cold called flop bet and bluffed with air when the top pair made trips. Back to 2800.

Fourth stack just doubled through 3rd stack. He is still in. Has 800 chips though.

Called his jam. K9 vs A6. It was for 600 chips. I had 2600. Figured I would try and take him out. I sucked out trip K's to break the bubble.

I am half the leader but tied with 2nd place chips.

I go out in 3rd when I bluff TT. I raised pot pre and got called by A4 and obviously I was no good. I jammed the turn with a straight draw though to try and get a weaker ace to fold. LJ taught me the weak ace NEVER folds. Why did I not listen?

Game 3:
4 of 7. *yawn*.

24o. Guess it's like crubs and only works for Grump. Oh oh maybe I folded too soon. LOL would have rivered the 2 hi flush win!

Lost a bit with a draw. Not too much.

Won a bit with a raise. Not too much.

24o again.... Don't know if it would have won again.

6 of 6. Hmm.

Huge bluff! I won! Back to starting stack. Still 6 of 6. Jammed in with Q high on K77 board thinking the guy had a small pair.

AK s00t. Jamming to take out limpers. Q5 s00ted calls. 5 flop. A turn. Q river. I am out.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Riggs is a Whiner

Dumb fuck thinks he is unluckier than I am. I type like 20 hands last night where I get fucked over and over and over again and he like gets beat on one hand and is like "see see". You do not know what bad luck is you dumbass! I played a whole Razz tourney last night and did not win a single hand despite starting with hands like a236 against the monsters of 66K9. Bad luck? If I had your luck Riggs it would be called the Waffles Effect instead of the Moneymaker Effect. Nobody ever believes. Pushmonkey used to tell me I was exaggerating. He then watched me play for a few days. Now he is a believer.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Teh Dank

The Dank last night sucked. I am surprised I lasted as long as I did. On the good side I won a race against NY Rambler. My AK vs his 99. Everyone calls 3-bet jams with 99. Sick. I flopped KKQ and turned another Q to boat up.

The rest of the night was a mix between getting a whole lotta middle pairs that never hit anything and over calling pre-flop with some Ax s00ted hands that did not even make draws. I think generally I was not being patient enough. I was a little tired and that could have contributed.

I finally went out against JammyHawk. He had raised a few weakish hands like KJ/KT etc.. so I decided to jam my AT against his LP raise. He actually had a hand with QQ and despite hitting a ten I could not catch up. I hear he did alright with those chips.

Next big game for me will be Sunday. I hear the invites have increased again and tarded people like Pushmonkey are now in. The number for the invitational might hit a hundred this Sunday up from the original 50 I saw.. which increased to 78 on the actual game day. Should be interesting.

Not much else going on right now.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Ur Doin' it Wrong

Listen people. I normally do not have to give instructions. However that last post. Only a few examples of doing it right. When I slag Hoyazo you have a few options.

1. The I hate Waffles Satire Response

A good example of this is Sucko. lucko said... Pretty sure you stole this from Hoy.

See it is on subject. It has a great amount of creativity for a donk from New Jersey. You fist pump when you came up with that Sucko? I will give Sucko an A.

2. The Ghey Fuel

If you are an uncreative fag like Fuel you can wait until someone moderately creative like Sucko posts and then do your +1 +1 +1 Ghey ass thing. I swear someone could post "My whole family died" in the comments and Fuel would be like +1 +1 +1. Dickweed. However this is an acceptable response. I would give it a C.

3. The Proper Response

Now all you fuckers know you hate Hoyazo. You also know Hoyazo reads this blog all the time. He like trolls it for comments to see if his name is mentioned. He is too egomaniacal to help himself. Need proof of this? If you check out the post he stole from me you see the following little gem "I do play 999 mtt's a night and often go months and months without any scores as I know you know". Again this is almost a word for word copy of this post. So this is your chance! Fucking rock out on the comments! Call him names! Have fun! The best part of all of this is later on you can have plausible deniability! You can be like "Nah nah Hoyazo I did not mean it I was just messin' with Waffles". It is perfect.

So anyway I normally do not need to instruct my readers on the correct way to keep to the subject. However after seeing 24 comments without a single "Fucking Hoy Thief" I felt that you needed some direction. Hopefully this will get my wayward flock back on track. See you in a few hours at the Mookie!!!


Oh my fucking word. It's not bad enough that Hoy is an arrogant douchebag but where have you read this before:

And while we're on the topic, ever since I discovered several weeks back that it was now BuddyDank who has taken over organizing and running the Mookie, while Mookie has basically withdrawn from blogging, playing poker and from being involved with his old tournament, I've been referring to this tournament as what it really is: The Buddy. So that up there was the last time you will hear me refer to the Buddy as the Mookie, when talking about it from this point forward.

Fucking retard. I wrote that weeks ago. You goddamn scumbag. Can you not find your own material? I swear while people say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.. I say fuck off you dickweed! Why you stealing my material? You stupid bitch. Not even a fucking "I stole this idea from Waffles". I swear some people have a lot of nerve. Anyhow it is THE DANK, not the BUDDY! Fucking loser. At least get it right.

On a side note I will be playing The Dank tonight. Josie will be there too and maybe some more of her friends like Coop and Mojo. It should be a good time. I am waiting for my one outer loss. That is the only way ANYONE is stopping me because I am playing fucking good. I am taking a seat. I am fucking probably taking more than one seat. You all have been warned. Waffles is on the warpath.

** For those interested in reading my words of April 9th here they are. It is like he read my material then went away then his pea brain convinced itself that he came up with this idea and STOLE it as his own!

**** P.S. Here is a shortened version of what Hoyazo wrote:

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Ixnay on the Acey Aye

So the fun continues. I have 99. I raise EXTRA pre-flop just for the fuck of it. I have a 2k stack. Throw 500 in pre-.. then on the 874 flop I pop it 1k more leaving me 400 behind. Get cold called by.. get this.. A4o. Turn is an Ace and IGH and cry again. So now I have the 3 outer the 2 outer.. Mookie Wednesday night going for the illustrious Trifecta 1 outer.

Bad Mental Position

The Sunday game has me in a bad mental position. It just kind of hurt because I was on my game, in the zone.. playing pretty well. I can not think of a move I made that I would change. Even the one wrong move I made against Julius I think I would do again taking into consideration stack sizes and possible holdings.

Last night I spent some time counting every hand that I saw at showdown. Out of 22 hands I watched 18 Dogs won and 4 Favorites. I saw AA cracked 2x with 88 and 22, then QQ cracked by 88. All in pre-flop. Those were just the most disgusting suckouts. 18-4 seems somehow wrong. The fact I even decided to count the suckouts just shows I need to get my head in a better spot. I am sure I will rebound.

So much of poker seems like a joke when viewed in the microcosm of a game or several games. I really need to get back my patience for the long term. I always look at guys like Hoy who play 999 games a night just to score occasionally and kind of chuckle. While Hoy is no Chad and his overinflated ego tends to make him write as if he was some MTT god he has the right idea. He keeps a bankroll that he plays within and he grinds out 999 games a night. He might go months without winning anything but by putting in the time he gives himself the chance to put up a decent score. Ok. Honestly I have no respect for Hoy but the concept is sound.

If I want to have the success to match the skill I obviously have I need to invest more into my bankroll, and ignore all results in favor of the longer term picture. If I can really buy into this then I know I will do well. Otherwise I will Waffle for ever more. Which is at least amusing.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Josie Blog

VeryJosie is trying to figure out the best timing for her MTT. One suggestion I would make is wait 6-weeks until the BBT5 is over. People get burned out playing three nights a week and the Mookie is going to get a ton of people with the BBT5. After that is over people will be more interested in normal blogger tourneys.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

I would..

I would call Gracie some bad names but I like her too much. Thanks for 2 outting me babe. See you next week.


One hour till the kickoff of the invitational BBT5. Eating a little energy food. Preparing my mind. Got my new poker shirt ready. It has Josie's pic on it.. and on the top it says "I got very lucky", and the bottom says "With VeryJosie". I won't mention the doll.. that would just be creepy. Really excited to play in this. Also glad to see names like MiamiDon and JJ are in the tourney. While this added like 29 extra people and is seriously -EV I am really happy they are playing. Friends over money. Sometimes. Peace out. Report after the game.

Why The Fuck

Why the fuck do I even play poker. Motherfucking idiot game. I have AA9J spades and the flop comes TQ8 2 spades. I get in on that flop. I mean I have an overpair to the board.. I have the nut straight. I have redraws up the wazooooooo. I expect my opponent put his full stack in with a set. We turn over. He has QT. Drawing to four outs. His other cards are 57. He has no redraws. Besides the four outs. Turn 5 spades. I now have the nut flush. River 5. I no go home and cry.

Friday, April 16, 2010


I find this weird thing we call emotion strange. I am not a very emotional guy aside from my poker ranting. I am not exactly sure why this is. Perhaps because I was taken from my mommy at birth and stuck in an incubator. I like this explanation as it would also explain why I love computers and am somewhat talented with them. Thank you mommy NIC981 Incubator. Love you forever! It may be just because I am a dude. Possibly my turnkey childhood with the parents. You know. Walk home from school. Open the door. Nobody there. Sit down. Watch TV. Do whatever you want. It also could be from my horrible years of school. I guess I have a lot of candidates for being fucked up.

Sometimes though I actually think I do have feelings. The other day I heard a blogger had lost his son. I really do not know him very well. He was one of the first guys I ever read but had slipped away from the poker blog. As I read this I really felt the tears well up in my eyes. I did not cry but it really struck me and made me incredibly sad.

I can not imagine what it would be like to lose a child. All the well wishing and thoughts and prayers while nice just seem like they do not even come close to helping. I hope I never have to understand what this feels like. Life just seems so unfair sometimes.

I guess I am unsure as to why I wanted to share this. It has just been on my mind and I figured I would let it out.

BBT5 Announced

The BBT5 has been announced and it is REALLY good. AlCantHang and the guys at Poker from the Rails have really come through. (** Caution on clicking the AlCantHang link it is NSFW!!!). Actually I think there is only one other guy on Poker from the Rails. Some fag named Dave who posts on Facebook all the time? Erm, I mean Dave go Dave! See I shilled Full Tilt again don't punch me Dave! Ah fuck it he is probably some scrawny nerd I would have a chance to beat in a slap fight!

I am really honored to be invited to play in the invitation portion of the game. I equate this to 2 girls 1 cup receiving an Emmy. Like that longshot contender I intend to WTFP@WN everyone's asses in this and take home at least 3-4 victories. Please feel free to come by and cheer me on.

I also suggest you try and play in some of the games. I mean a $11 Mookie for a shot at a seat in the WSOP is fantastic. The number of entrants is not going to be as huge as a normal Satellite so I think your odds will be good. Below I have listed the initial tourneys and you can get more details at Poker on the Rails.

Tournament: Poker From the Rail
When: Monday, April 19th through May 24th starting at 22:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $24+2 (or token)*
Password: 2010WSOP

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday, April 21st through May 26th starting at 22:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1*
Password: vegas1

*Winner also receives ToC entry

Tournament: Battle of the Blogger Tournaments Invitational
When: Sunday, April 18th through May 23rd starting at 19:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: Restricted freeroll**

**$2,000 Prizepool + 1st and 2nd place receive ToC entry

Tournament: Blogger Battle Royale
When: Sunday, June 6th starting at 14:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: Freeroll for BBT participating bloggers

Thursday, April 15, 2010


I played the second game of the VeryJosie poker tourney. I have to say it is everything a blogger tourney should be. It was a bunch of Josie's friends and family and a bunch of bloggers who got together, talked some shit, and had a really fun time.

Being Waffles of course I got pissed off early. I really think if I ever figure out why I care that people play so badly I might actually become a great poker player. I just do not get jamming weak aces over middle position raises. I mean there has to be a better spot. Of course the Ace always hits against me so maybe that spot is good. Le Sigh.

Things picked up though and despite lousy cards and being a little tired I held on to the final table. The chat was non-stop and a hell of a lot of fun. I ended up taking the eighth spot. Ironically it was against Lightning who I had to goad into playing.

I had let myself get a little short and was looking for a good spot to get my chips in. Lightbulb limped from the EP with QJ, Josie completed her small blind and I checked my option with K5 spades. Lightning and I had the same stack size so when the flop came QJ with two spades we are obviously both getting in there. Especially with the Ante and dead money in the middle. So I lead out for around 900 which was most of my stack and waited for the shove from Lightning. He did not disappoint. The race was on and even though I turned a T for 4 more outs the river was no help and I went packing with my 0-2 record for races.

In general the play was pretty decent. Coop and Mojo played a solid game although I swear the old guys fell asleep!!! Josie got drunk. (What's that Josie? Talk softer? Alright. No problem.) The chat was awesome. What else could anyone want?

I think Josie's idea of doing this once a month is a good one. I also think we should make her take a drink every time someone goes out. That worked out good! I plan on playing in the next one. I wonder if we would get more players if it started a little later? I know Kat and Bayne missed signing up because they got home a little after the tourney started.

Monday, April 12, 2010

So ends my great love affair with Chloe

Chloe finally defriends me. The horror! I shall not know as great a love as I have found with you my beauty. I guess I could have strung it along some more but as amusing as she was the joke was getting old.

Chloe: hey
Waffles: hello
Chloe: you owe me an apology
Waffles: i kinda doubt that
Chloe: hmm you know what i felt that day????
Waffles: I hope you felt as bad as all the people you rip off and lie to every day
Chloe: hmm im not lying... if i lied that they i dont have a gats to send you a message and claim for an apology
Waffles: cmon be honest you talk to ever guy and get them to enter credit cards for you and best case you just get a commission worst case you steal there credit info and do a lot of damage
Chloe: oh i just ask for there vote's CC is to verify there age..and after that all there ingo is canceled and nothing is charge on there cards
Waffles: sorry not buying it
Chloe: whatever im not asking you anymore so why dont you just pull the trigger anyway.. so your mouth can stop talking such a words
You don't have permission to chat with this person.

Suckout on Waffles

Apparently Josie want's to suckout on me... and bring some friends too. Heck there might even be some tag team action with her sister. Who I am to refuse. So if you want to watch the carnage then stop by and play. I hear there might even be a bounty for screwing with me.. not that anyone needs any extra motivation.

April 14th 21:00
Full Tilt Poker
10+1 Buyin

I hear this is the last time this is going to be weekly and then it will move into a monthly scheduler possibly. Seems like fun. As usually I promise to call you a fucktard when you hit your 2 outter again me. Noob fishies. (That last part was for you Lightning).

Sunday, April 11, 2010


Chloe: shame on you doing that to me you know what i felt ??????i thought you really died.......shame on you.

'Nuff Said

Friday, April 09, 2010

Once there were Eight

I have been thinking about this for a while. Do any of you little uns know how the Mookie began? The short abbreviated version is Mookie started a game with a few losers on Full Tilt. Waffles came by and made it wildly popular. (see kid stick with me I will make you famous!). A bunch of A-listers then made it worth some money. Hence you can all just thank me for every BBT. That's my story and I am sticking with it! No, I do not know why people call me delusional.

The Mookie without it's original screwball is.. well.. it is just BuddyDankRadio promotion(TM). I mean how can it be The Mookie without Mookie? Where is that faggot anyways? I think he spawned too many kids and broke a nut and is in the hospital or something. I dunno.

I think that someone should rename the Mookie. Let that puppy go on hiatis until the man comes back. Instead of paying homage to our fallen brethren start something new. Keep the tourney spot and time. Everyone who plays the Mookie can play this new game. Rename it though. Call it "Buddy Dank Masturbates While Doing His Radio Show" or something like that. Cause really it is no longer the Mookie it is the Dank.

Off the Hook

Chloe won. She did not respond after the last Heyyyyyyyyyyy. So I decided she wins and let her off the hook this morning:

Waffles: Hi. Sorry if I scared you last night. I passed out drunk from my bottle of whiskey then puked all over myself.

Sounds like a fun night. Glad to amuse my readers. You know I love you all. I really try not to lie and stuff but I just got caught up in the game. It was kind of fun doing something different. Should be back to swearing about the fucktard that two outted me soon enough.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

The Art of the Bluff

Last night I was a little bored when one of those Facebook web cam whores came on. You know the ones I am talking about. The ones with hot pictures who call you baby and tell you how hot you are while trying to get you to enter your credit card information on their webcam sites. The people behind these things could be fat chicks, or dudes, or who knows.

SO I decide to have a little fun. No not that kind you pervs. So between talking about her webcam I drop these little lines in. This is called the setup. Where you layer a back story.

8:10pm Waffles: ok it is nice to meet someone to talk to
8:11pm Chloe: are you on my link babe
8:11pm Waffles: yes do you have a promo code?
8:11pm Chloe: nope just live it blank ok babe >....
8:11pm Waffles: I have been lonely lately.. I have cried myself to sleep since my divorce.
8:12pm Chloe: oh sorry for that babe i hope i can ease the pain your feelin now
8:13pm Waffles: yeah it was hard she pretended to like me then one day she left me for a fireman and said she never loved me
8:14pm Chloe: oh my god shame on her..dont worry she dont deserves you ok just move on i will help you.. let me know if you got your ID NUMBER OK BABE

At this point I am not sure where I am going with this. I figure I will fuck with her somehow but I have not figured out the end game yet. So she ups the ante for the end game pitch.

8:15pm Chloe: you want to know my real name ??
8:16pm Waffles: yes
8:16pm Chloe: hmm im stacey parker hope you understand that i use a screen name
8:16pm Waffles: right makes sense so people will not harass you in real life
8:17pm Chloe: hmm yes..your the only one knows my name now
8:17pm Waffles: that's awesome it makes me feel special
8:18pm Chloe: yes your a special person for me ...hope i can trust you
8:18pm Waffles: yes you can trust me
8:18pm Chloe: with my heart

Now she is sticking it in. I told her I was just divorced and crying every night and yet she wants me to trust her with her heart. I think this is a little bit cold and so I formulate a game plan. So I lay on some more of the lonely depressed thing.

8:20pm Waffles: can you give me a hug?
8:20pm Chloe: yes if you want it
8:21pm Waffles: yeah I need a hug I am lonely since my divorce
8:21pm Chloe: dont worry cause i can give you that oh babe where's your id number

See how I might be skeptical as she keeps asking for my ID number. She did promise me a hug though. I think we are really progressing here. Here she starts to get a little suspicious.

8:28pm Waffles: oh right ok I am looking for a credit card
8:28pm Chloe: so can you finish the vote now babe ok babe
8:28pm Waffles: I don't want to leave you though
8:29pm Chloe: why where are you going
8:29pm Waffles: I think I left it near the pizza box I need to get up and get my card under the beer cans I have been drinking a lot since I got divorced
8:30pm Chloe: ok babe im waiting ok ..hope you dont just play me..i like you and i dont want the guy i want to play me me babe dont worry i will take good care of you

I keep layering on the comments pointing to my depression and alcoholism. In between talking to her and putting her off for the credit card information I throw in the little tidbits of how I am lonely, depressed, drinking.. how my wife left me. Real sob story. Layering the lies. She then ups the stakes and I figure out how to stick it to her. I need to be patient though.

8:31pm Chloe: oh i do you want to see my pussy now babe ??
8:31pm Waffles: yeah I do! do you shave it?
8:31pm Chloe: you know i rally like you so babe please dont play me round ok..cause i can be your wife if you want
8:32pm Waffles: you can be my wife?
8:32pm Chloe: yes my pussy is clean yes if you want to
8:32pm Waffles: my wife has a hairy pussy
8:33pm Chloe: hmm babe you will see later ok..and you will like it my juicy and nice pussy..
8:33pm Waffles: don't you live in another country?
8:33pm Chloe: hmm are you signing the 2nd page babe
8:33pm Waffles: yeah I am looking for my gold amex
8:33pm Chloe: i can go anywhere i want to go..and i can go there at your place as long as im with you
8:34pm Waffles: you would come to America and live with me?
8:35pm Chloe: yes is there something wrong???or you dont want
8:35pm Waffles: No I just am stunned
8:35pm Chloe: babe are you really on the 2nd page?/
8:35pm Waffles: I would not be lonely with you.. you seem very nice
8:35pm Chloe: dont feel like that ..cause i think your a good gut and not hard to love
8:36pm Waffles: I am not sure my ex-wife said I was ugly
8:37pm Chloe: hmm she says that cause she dont love you ok..but dont worry we can visit her if im with you so..let me see what she will feel..hmm i think im more beautiful than your ex wife
8:37pm Waffles: yes you are and you are sexier i bet you know how to please a husband
8:38pm Chloe: hmm just relax ok babe cause im good at all..and i think i can satisfied you in anyways

Wow! So now we are going to get married!! I just need to find that pesky ID. I am so happy. I have found a new wife!!! Notice she said she thought I was a nice gut. I think she meant guy but probably she is more correct with gut. Now we move into the end game.

8:38pm Waffles: I am crying now.. I did not think I would every meet anyone else that could love me
8:39pm Chloe: so babe are you done signing?? hmm i think you deserves me and i deserves you.. now please dont cry babe cause i dont want my babe crying
8:40pm Waffles: ok. I will man up. I am just so lonely.
8:40pm Chloe: dont worry im here now so dont be sad ok babe
8:40pm Waffles: I think I might kill myself if I did not find a nice person like you
8:41pm Chloe: hmm babe are you done singing the my link???? hmm dont say that cause im here now babe ok babe
8:41pm Waffles: I hope this is real... or I may have to kill myself

Layer it in but take it slow. You can not move too fast or it will seem fake. You need to talk, then say something about killing yourself, then talk about how happy you are again. Layer upon layer.

8:41pm Chloe: so im here to ove you no dont go that way ok babe cause after this contract i will go there in you place and let's have a new start ok babe
8:42pm Waffles: I bought a gun last night last week and I have put the nozzle in my mouth every night but I can not pull the trigger one more bad thing though and I think I will just end it
8:43pm Chloe: what??babe please promised me that you will not do that again ok babe please
8:43pm Waffles: well since you are coming to be with me I do not have to do it... if not then I think I would just have to go ahead and move on to a better place

I have set the plate now. I have been sticking a gun in my mouth. I am suicidal. However my angel has saved me. As long as I can hold on to this hope I can live. The stage is set and now I just have to drop the BOOOOM!

8:44pm Chloe: yes that's it cause your the one who will give me a baby yes that's it
8:44pm Waffles: you wan't a baby?
8:44pm Chloe: babe hmm did you got your ID NUMBE yes ID NUMBER
8:45pm Waffles: you seem young for a baby how old are you?
8:45pm Chloe: 22....hey babe im asking you if your done and got your id number
8:46pm Waffles: I think you are just lying to me to get me to fill out that page... I can not take this anymore. I am just going to end it. I am going to stick a gun in my mouth now and blow my brains out. thanks for making my last moments humiliating
8:47pm Chloe: oh my god babe im not lying ok i just want you to see me cause i have wrote something that will make you happy and i want you to see it hmm babe please i have wrote something for you babe and i want you too see it on the web cam you there
8:48pm Waffles: goodbye life

I then stop typing ANYTHING. I just go silent. For the next 15 minutes I get the following.

8:48pm Chloe: please im not lying ok i liked you]
8:49pm Chloe: please talk to me hey
8:52pm Chloe: hey babe
8:57pm Chloe: are you dead??
9:01pm Chloe: heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I really think I got her. Scammed the scammer. What do you guys think? Too mean? Did I get her? I have decided if I get another message before tomorrow morning I will have won. SO I am leaving facebook open for the night... and hopefully I have won.

Who want's to be the cop? You know. Something like this.

Cop: Hello Chloe my name is Sergent McDonald. How do you know Waffles?
Chloe: Oh I do not know him well
Cop: Oh. Ok. We are investigating all of his friends. The other night he committed suicide. We do not think there was any funny business but we are talking to his Facebook friends and requesting chat logs.
Chloe: Oh no. That is so sad. I do not know what happened. Bye now.

A Little Annoyed

I am a little annoyed today. Whaaa.. what's that noise? A cheer from the peanuckles that are long time readers. Yes, yes, you know what is coming. Normally I do not try and get mad at the wife. Mostly because it serves no purpose. In retrospect I guess the reason our marriage did not work out is because we could never come to agreement on anything. We were both too pig headed I guess. So I gradually pulled out of the relationship and became the uninvolved slug I am today. If I had more experience with relationships perhaps I would have done something different.

Last night though was totally ridiculous. She tells me before work that she is going out for a few hours after work. Fine with me. I know it is with her boyfriend. I am fine with that. Although lately she has been playing this stupid game. She never says who she is going out with. Like we all do not know anyways. She says that it is because she does not want the kids blabbing something if Nick's wife calls. Two married people that are basically divorced dating is... yes, interesting.

The whole "I am not going to tell you" thing stinks to me like lying. I do not really care about your reasons. If it is so that the kids will not know who you are going out with then fine. Be honest and tell them "I am an adult. I am going out with friends to do adult things. You do not need to know anything else". Instead she sorta-semi sneaks around and in my opinion flat out lies to the kids which I do not like. I am big on honesty and keeping it real. Even if I live in an exaggerated fantasy Waffles world.

As I was saying before I got sidetracked there. Yesterday she says that she is "going out" for a few hours. I am fine with this. The boy comes downstairs while she is out and I mention mom should be home soon. He immediately says "No, she is staying out for the night and won't be back in the morning.". I assume the child is mistaken because his mother made no mention of this at all. I was not told I would have to wake up early. I was not told I needed to get the kids ready for school.

Luckily even though I assumed the child was mistaken I made contingency plans and told myself to wake up early the next day. I have an innate ability to mentally tell myself to wake up at a certain time and it happens.

Sure enough when the time comes around to get the kids ready for school mom is nowhere to be found. I ask my daughter where she is and my daughter says "Oh, she is in the bedroom". I go there with her and no mom. So here we have a 8yr old not knowing where here mom is. The boy wakes up pretends he does not know she was going to be out for the night. He does not want to get his mom in trouble so I can respect that and do not put him in the middle.

I get the kids off to school finally although it was close because the wife finally called and then my daughter would not get off the phone with her. I had to grab the phone out of her hand and hang up on the wife. I told the boy he could call his mom on the cell phone he has temporarily acquired but he said he did not want to talk to her.

She finally made it home to drop me off at work. I confronted her about the whole thing and she tries to say she can not tell me because I will tell the kids. It took like 15 minutes of arguing for her to even see how irresponsible and retarded it was to just disappear and not tell me anything about her plans. If I had not gotten the tip off by the boy the kids would be waking up about 8:30-9:00 with their bus long gone.

Anyhow be a fucking adult and tell everyone that you are going out and it is none of their business where you are going. Do not sneak away like a little child. Starting fights between the kids and having your daughter being totally confused.

Makes me think I could be wrong in trusting her at all.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Went for a Walk

As part of my training for the marathon I went for a walk today. I decided to hit up the Boston Commons. Normally they have a huge pond full of duck boats that I remember from my youth. It seemed bigger then. Today it was amazing in other ways. The whole entire pond was DRAINED. I was amazed. I had never seen it empty. It seems like they are filling it up again now. I guess with all the flooding we had they decided that they needed to empty it in order to prevent damage. It was a nice walk anyways. It has to be in the eighties around here. Chicks sunbathing in yellow bikini's. Everyone wearing a little less. Good times. See exercise can be fun.

Goin' Bayne Style

The other day the kids and I went to get haircuts. The boy was excited to get his hair buzzed. He suckers me into "being twins" and says I need to get a haircut like his. So I agree. He then starts talking about whether he should get a #2 buzz or a #3 buzz. Um. Erm. Thankfully he chose #3... the hairdresser asked me 4x if I was SURE I wanted to do this. So now I am looking more like Bayne than Jesus. As most of you probably realize I like the shock factor so going from a lot of hair to a buzz is right up my alley anyways.

On the wife front I finally heard some sort of plan. Apparently they have discussed this. Once her boyfriend comes back from his business trip he is going to confront his wife about finalizing their divorce. If that goes well then he has asked Michele to move in with him. He lives one town over and they share the same school system so this would work out GREAT for the kids. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I may soon see my dream of an empty apartment with an air mattress.

Nothing else really going on right now. Work is good. Poker is angry. Blogging is alright.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Wives Who Hate WoW

I was reading the following on a WoW blog. It is kind of funny all the parallels I see in WoW blogs and poker blogs. There are communities. There exist A-Listers and Z-Listers like myself. In fact they even have blog wars where bloggers storm off and delete their blogger accounts.

The last one was pretty interesting. A group of people (who I do not judge but I am not as into it as they are) do something called Role Playing on the servers. These people from what I can tell make up stories about their in game characters and then play them out in the game. I guess they sit around at the bar in WoW and drink and chat and um pretend they are in a real bar? Do not even ask what Cybering is.

Anyway one of the newer bloggers wrote something about causing problems with role players for fun. I guess they have a long history of being made fun of. Imagine that. So the A-Lister writes a rebuttle and her troll minions all swarm this bloggers site and write nasty things to her. We have seen this behavior before have we not? I found it amusing.

The original point of this post was to point out the paragraph in the article above where the author says "Hey my Addiction to WoW is not like evil gambling". Obviously I took a little offense to this. I do agree that gambling has a darker side. However I think the author does not realize that ALL ADDICTIONS can lead to destructive behavior INCLUDING game addictions. If you do not believe that then check out this link. It is an extreme example but not the only one.

Anything can be a very unhealthy addiction. Whenever you find yourself doing one thing to the exclusion of others your life becomes unbalanced and you end up hurting yourself and others. It could be something supposedly healthy like jogging or weight training... or something more associated with these types of behaviors like gambling or playing video games.

Singling out poker or other forms of recreational gaming is wrong and in the context of the article hypocritical. He bemoans his wife calling his video game an addiction then does the exact same thing to other peoples hobbies. A lot of very successful and well balanced people enjoy gambling and it never become a problem. A percentage of people with pre-existing addictive tendencies get destroyed. If it was not gambling though it would be something else and the effects would be just as damaging if possibly harder to see from the outside.

Anyway I thought it was interesting how people label the things they do not like and make exceptions for the things that they want to do. As the old saying goes "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?".

Sporatic Ranting

Bayne IM's me this link and sporadic ranting ensues.

[14:48] Waffles: thats not Isildur1 get with the latest news
[14:49] Waffles: lol wtf is he calling with?
[14:49] Waffles: omg
[14:49] Waffles: what a tard
[14:50] Waffles: der I dont believe you have an ace even though you RERERAISED ME
[14:50] Waffles: fucking retard
[14:50] Waffles: and fucking tourist
[14:50] Waffles: goddamn man just make the call because you played A7 and your a fucktard and deserve to lose

Hey She is Cute

Check out Very Josie Poker. New Blogger. She may even live in the Boston area like me. At least she is a Red Sox fan. Fuck she is a chick and she is breathing... of course I am gonna send her some love.

She is having a tourney on Wednesday night. Probably not the best choice since it is at the same time as the Mookie but go ahead and check it out if you want.

Tournament Name: Very Josie Poker
Password: Pokerbaby
Buy-in: $10+1....$8 to prize, and $2 knockout
This Wednesday, April 7, 2010
at 9:00pm ET
Game: No Limit Texas Holdem
Tournament #151614945 (04.07.10 21:00 ET)

Could be fun. Later.

Monday, April 05, 2010

In Which I Become Gary For A Day

The weekend was fairly fun. In a rare moment I got to act MANLY! It is very rare that you will see me doing manly things. Fixing stuff? Not so much. I even snickered at another guys unmanly comments. It was a lot of fun.

The boy child decided that he wanted to go fishing this weekend. Since it was like eighty degrees out. I had my doubts that fish would be very active but he had his heart set on it. I sort of suck as a dad lately so I try and do a few special things every once in a while.

Off we went to the fishing store. Some other dork was there with his dork spawn. He says "I hardly ever fish I am not sure what bait I should get, worms right?". I snickered as I went for the manly live fish bait. I may have even grunted at him. Honestly I am pretty much a fishing n00b and do not know what I am doing. However I can pretend since I have done this a few times before.

We went to the pond and hooked up our fishing rods. Put the little fish on the line and proceeded to fish. We had a pretty good time. My rod actually is fucked up and needs to get fixed. So we mostly shared his.

Actually I figured out the rod was messed up on my first catch. Imagine this. I cast my fish into the water. I am watching the bobber. It dinks. It dunks. WHAM! It goes under the water! I have a fish! I start reeling it in. It is putting up a fight. My line then tangles and jams. Something is messed up in the reel mechanism. So my son is like "DAD! JUST PULL IT OUT!".. So I back up like 100 feet to the street and STILL it is not out of the water! So I pick up the slack and get closer then I grab the fishing line and pull it out of the water. Success! I had hooked the first Pickerel of the day. Hell I did not even cut my hands on the line. Although I did run a hook through my finger later in the day while putting the bait fish on.

The day proceeded. The mosquitoes came out. Massive swarms of them. Crazy. The fish stopped biting. In about a 1/2hr period we caught three pickerels of various sizes then nothing. It was a fun time.

The kid really wanted a bass. I am not sure if any bass exist in the pond anymore. Every year we have a fishing derby. The town stocks the lake full of bass and other fish. I have no idea how many survive to the next year.

All of the fish were returned to the lake. First off I am not much of a cook. Secondly the Charles River has a long history of heavy metal dumping and especially mercury. No way am I eating anything that lives in there.

While we were there we also saw some beautiful hawks. One landed on a telephone wire right next to us. It was a really amazing creature.

So ends my tale of manliness. My one day of nerd transformed to hunter gatherer.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Stop Annoying Me

Wow. Wife has been pissing me off bad. First she talks shit about how I am so unemotional and do not care that our Au pair has left. Um. So? It is not like I was saying that it was a good thing. If your vampiric soul sucking life draining powers have made me even MORE unemotional about things than I was before it is not my fault. She then starts in with the whole you don't do anything crap. Fucking tell someone who cares. Finally I just told her to shut the fuck up.

She then smites me in the worst way. Now I have seen the shows. Party on E! Wild on E!... Spring Break... Worlds Sexiest beaches. I have seen Brazilian's. The people of Brazil are hot hot hot. Sexy. Skinny. What does my wife do? She find the ONE fat fucking Brazilian in all of Brazillia and get's her as our Au Pair. Just the feed costs are going to kill me. MOO! FML.

Speaking of idiotic women. This old bitch was sitting on my train. I am reading my little nerd novel - Ascendance by R.A. Salvatore. All of the sudden from like four rows over I hear this voice like it is sitting right next to me. The fucking old lady has her phone on the Metallica setting. I mean seriously. I could hear the other persons entire conversation!! I was going to yell at her.. but it was just too fucking funny. This gray hair and her broadcasting phone.