Right Tool For Right Job
I had a really good run on Wednesday.
It gave me time to think about a lot of things. I admit I have been struggling the past few weeks. I got sick like four weeks ago or so and when I hit the track again I was a lot weaker. It was discouraging. I barely could eek out a mile that first day back. Not sure why. It brought a lot of doubts and self hate back. Negative thoughts like "Oh you were never in that good of shape anyways" or "Just quit now you know your going to anyways".
The past few weeks I have really only gotten two runs in a week. Working back up to my level before my cold. I got out of the good habits that are necessary to win. Like having fixed days and not missing them. Stopping at home quickly to change and grab an apple then heading straight out. I started making excuses like the cold. I then got a little flare of gout and was like "OMG the world hates me". The grind is hard.
I really want to work hard on my negativity. It just is ridiculous. Obstacles come into my life a lot. Perhaps more than others. Mayhap not. I sign up for a bank account. The bank screws up. Has not sent my bank card or anything. I get a card. A few weeks later the loan people send me a letter that they have not verified my insurance. Of course I sent everything about the 100% replacement coverage before I would be allowed to drive off the lot.
Instead of just tackling all these challenges I have gotten in the habit of just getting overwhelmed and not tackling things. I suppose this has always been an issue. Give me a subject I like such as computers and I will work my ass off learning everything about them and do amazing things. Give me something that is slightly boring and I will do the minimum.
I need to work to my strengths. Get the schedule back on track for running. Kick in my pushups again. I need to take all my problems and deal with them like I do a program at work. Break everything down into component steps. Write it all down. Prioritize. Kick it's ass.
I have the ability to not be negative and to tackle all my problems and destroy them. I just need to use my strengths to accomplish this and not get lost in the big picture. Not get bored with the grind. Work it all out.
Negativity is such a part of my life. I constantly doubt everything around me. Are these people really my friends? Why would anyone like me. Why would some chick want to go out with me? Nobody really likes me. Around and around it goes. I suck. I suck. I suck.
I read a lot of Alex Fitzgerald and can relate to a bunch of the things he says. I think he is a really excellent writer. Posts like this one really hit home. Not sure if I think the magic pill route is anything besides legalized drugging yourself or not. I really relate to a bunch of shit he says though.
Anyhow enough rambling for one morning. Getting a notebook. Putting down all my problems. Crossing them off one by one. After I go for my run that is. Peace.