Heading Into The Weekend
The Wonderkid won his game last night and they are heading to the playoffs. Sunday is the big game. Last night was not his best game. He walked and scored a few times. His team won 17-2. They have gone from being the second worse team in the league scoring 10 runs over their entire season to scoring 16 runs each of their last three games. WOW. They picked a good time for a hot streak.
Sometimes my kid is so much like me it makes me shake my head. He lives a lot inside his own head. So last night someone overthrows a ball and my kid is not really paying attention. Not sure where he is. He starts skipping from first to second base. Skipping. Not running. Not trying not to get throw out. Just some little la la la skip. His coach yells "JMAN Stop Skipping!!!". All us parents just lost it. Lucky he was not paying attention.
One good thing about coaching my son's team this summer: "JMan! Do what I say or I will ship your ass to left field for the season!". Power baby! Us parents need the power.
Have not gone to a shrink yet. Getting ready for it. I hesitate a little because lets be honest: they don't give a fuck about anyone. I am not sure if I have mentioned this story before. A while back I got pissed at the wife and yelled some shit I should not have. Big surprised. Waffles getting angry and yelling something I should not. Looking back that is probably how I got to where I am today. I mean if I engage with the bitch and am involved I get fucking almost arrested and branded a criminal.. so I might as well just retreat in my shell and quit. Safer that way.
So obviously this whole situation fucked me up. Being without your kids is really bad. I was totally disassociated with my entire life living in a hotel room being pretty miserable. In order to get back in my house I agreed to see a shrink. I was feeling pretty down so I called and left a message. I said in the message that I wanted to kill myself. Not sure that was exactly true but I was feeling pretty down. Who knows. Some day's I guess it kind of felt like it might be better to just walk out onto the highway.
My skepticism with shrinks comes a little bit from this encounter. I call this person. Let them know I am suicidal and... nothing. No call back. No anything. It is just like "And I should give a fuck because?". I guess maybe I expect too much from people who claim they want to "Help You" and have "Your best interests" in mind. I assume wrongly that people like Doctors and Shrinks take those jobs because they are good people and want to be helpful. In reality all they are is money grubbing scumbags who want to do whatever they can to be rich. Hey I can make some recurring income if I give this guy Xanax or whatever. Seriously this is my opinion of the whole bunch of them with a few exceptions possibly. No you don't get an exception Ick. Anyone with playboy looks like yours has to be a douchebag. Yes I am jealous.
Obviously my doubts are reinforced recently. I know it is hard to always be right. I went to an appointment with another shrink that works with the family. It is obvious I am in a funk and probably somewhat depressed. The boy is worried about me and wants to have a fun dad. So anyway I finally break down and agree that maybe I should talk to someone about some meds or something.
Not an easy choice here. I mean my opinion in general is why would I not just smoke a bone with Pauly or something? Shoot some coke? I mean what is the difference right? These doctors are just legal drug dealers. They get you hooked on their stuff and then they own you. Just like a drug dealer. Just sneakier.
This guy knows I am reluctant and it's somewhat a big deal for me to agree to call someone he suggests for an appointment. I send him an email and two weeks later nothing. No response. I did what he asked. Sent him and email. He was supposed to write back and give me some people he thought were good in the area. Nada. Nilch. Zippo.
Seriously. Nobody gives a fuck. Shrinks are just drug dealers in ties. Fuck the world. Scumbags. Scumbags. Scumbags. Jaded as always. Waffles.