Ella ella ella. Fuck that song too. I fucking hate umbrella's. It is not really the umbrella or the concept that so offends me it is the retarded fuckwads who operate said devices. I mean seriously. I know your a self absorbed dickwad who is all into their own space. You have your iPod blaring and are texting a mile a minute so you do not have to interact with people. I get it. I approve. Do you have to be so fucking selfish that you swing those deadly weapons into peoples faces? I mean fuck me. Walking down the street I have to be a goddamn ninja to dodge all these fricken things. The manufacturers are making them bigger and bigger now too. It's like a bunch of fat, overweight, elephants with tents over their heads stampeding down the sidewalk. Fuck anyone who is in their way.
Guys, hello, yeah, I am talking to you. Since when did guys start carrying umbrella's? I mean I know the pussification of men has been completed by left wing wacko femenazis but fucking have some man juice in you. You really need an umbrella? Fucking grow some balls. Take a clue from Waffles. Know what I wore in the rain today? My fucking hair! Yeah and it felt good. You can wear a raincoat. I will allow for this. A fricken pussy umbrella though? Cmon. What's the matter you going to ruin the product in your hair you got from you goddamn fruity foo foo hair stylist (No offense to Joe Speaker)? Just throw that fucking purple umbrella into the trash. Give it up.
You want to hear about manly. I will give it to you here. Last night my son was at his baseball game. I was watching him play and this huge pitcher nails him in the arm with a fastball. Did the kid cry? Did he whine to the fucking coach? The umpire tries to stop him as he is running down to first to see if he is ok. He is like GTFO you fucking perv umpire. I am a man. I can take it. He then proceeds to steal two bases and score. All this with a fucking bruise the size of my hand on his arm. I mean this thing is fucking nasty. His pussy mom is all like "Boo hoo we should take him to the emergency room". Fuck that. Nothing a little duct tape can't fix. I make sure he can move his fingers and the bruise is not directly over a bone. It hit the meaty part of his forearm. Not likely broken. So we slap some ice on it when he finishes him game and he is fine. No money for you Chacko you rat bastard!
He is going to post something about it on his school blog. I will let you all know so you can post a million comments telling him how kickass he is. No swearing this is a kids school blog monitored by teachers. So be nice.