Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Umbrella

Ella ella ella. Fuck that song too. I fucking hate umbrella's. It is not really the umbrella or the concept that so offends me it is the retarded fuckwads who operate said devices. I mean seriously. I know your a self absorbed dickwad who is all into their own space. You have your iPod blaring and are texting a mile a minute so you do not have to interact with people. I get it. I approve. Do you have to be so fucking selfish that you swing those deadly weapons into peoples faces? I mean fuck me. Walking down the street I have to be a goddamn ninja to dodge all these fricken things. The manufacturers are making them bigger and bigger now too. It's like a bunch of fat, overweight, elephants with tents over their heads stampeding down the sidewalk. Fuck anyone who is in their way.

Guys, hello, yeah, I am talking to you. Since when did guys start carrying umbrella's? I mean I know the pussification of men has been completed by left wing wacko femenazis but fucking have some man juice in you. You really need an umbrella? Fucking grow some balls. Take a clue from Waffles. Know what I wore in the rain today? My fucking hair! Yeah and it felt good. You can wear a raincoat. I will allow for this. A fricken pussy umbrella though? Cmon. What's the matter you going to ruin the product in your hair you got from you goddamn fruity foo foo hair stylist (No offense to Joe Speaker)? Just throw that fucking purple umbrella into the trash. Give it up.

You want to hear about manly. I will give it to you here. Last night my son was at his baseball game. I was watching him play and this huge pitcher nails him in the arm with a fastball. Did the kid cry? Did he whine to the fucking coach? The umpire tries to stop him as he is running down to first to see if he is ok. He is like GTFO you fucking perv umpire. I am a man. I can take it. He then proceeds to steal two bases and score. All this with a fucking bruise the size of my hand on his arm. I mean this thing is fucking nasty. His pussy mom is all like "Boo hoo we should take him to the emergency room". Fuck that. Nothing a little duct tape can't fix. I make sure he can move his fingers and the bruise is not directly over a bone. It hit the meaty part of his forearm. Not likely broken. So we slap some ice on it when he finishes him game and he is fine. No money for you Chacko you rat bastard!

He is going to post something about it on his school blog. I will let you all know so you can post a million comments telling him how kickass he is. No swearing this is a kids school blog monitored by teachers. So be nice.

17 Comments:

Blogger Josie said...

Love me some little league ball! Steals 2 bases and scores. Way to go Waffles Jr!

My son who played baseball for th last 5 years decided he didn't want to play this year. :( His exact words were "You can't make me Mom." It's killing me. We like right next to one of the ball fields and I think I'm gonna take in some games even if he isn't playing....I mean I know all the other boys ANYWAY and they love me.

6:37 AM

 
Blogger Loretta8 said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=589Mvlz6LWE

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

9:12 AM

 
Blogger Schaubs said...

creepy Josie... just sayin'

so was the bruise the shape of your hand, or the size of your hand? JKJK

nice post.

9:29 AM

 
Blogger Josie said...

Schaubs, not like that! :P You guys have a one track mind!

11:24 AM

 
Blogger DrChako said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

11:37 AM

 
Blogger DrChako said...

We don't make any money off the damned x-rays anyway.

My dad did the same thing. Got a big gash on my forehead. He put some tape on it and sent me out to play. You can still see the scar in the right light.

I turned out just fine.

-DrC

11:37 AM

 
Blogger lightning36 said...

Call me a bad sport, but I do not congratulate Waffles's son for scoring since he stole two bases beforehand. Better hope the cops don't find out.

12:02 PM

 
Blogger Josie said...

Earlier on I was heading into a meeting and saw this guy (coworker) heading out holding an umbrella - and I'm like "Dude don't you know umbrellas are for GIRLS?" LOL He was very embarrassed and said it folds up small so he usually hides it in his jacket. hee hee

12:14 PM

 
Blogger dbcooper said...

If I had hair the rain wouldn't bother me but I agree on the umbrella thing. I just throw on a ball cap (not redsox or yankees).

1:12 PM

 
Blogger Jeremy said...

I would use an umbrella with pink flowers and butterflies before I put on a ghey raincoat. If it is sprinkling I will not use one. But if I have a 500yd walk into work and it is downpouring why the hell wouldn't I use an umbrella?

1:30 PM

 
Blogger Wolfshead said...

Hey, watch those generalizations. I'm left wing, at times, and I had one of those fru-fru stylists, before I buzzed it all down but I never use an umbrella.

2:22 PM

 
Blogger KenP said...

OK, Waffles kid is a man among boys and never whined the least bit.

WTF did that come from?

And, Josie seems a bit young to be a cougar but I'm keeping judgment open.

2:38 PM

 
Blogger Wolfshead said...

Kid must take after his mother. After all his father can't even take a figurative hit on the felt without whining

2:40 PM

 
Blogger Josie said...

I <3 Kenp

3:29 PM

 
Blogger Bayne_S said...

KenP is older than lightning to put it in perspective

5:03 PM

 
Blogger Josie said...

I didn't think ANYONE was older than Lightning!

4:10 AM

 
Blogger HighOnPoker said...

Woffles, you better hope your wife doesn't take pictures of the "hand-sized" bruise.

7:57 AM

 

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