Thursday, April 08, 2010

The Art of the Bluff

Last night I was a little bored when one of those Facebook web cam whores came on. You know the ones I am talking about. The ones with hot pictures who call you baby and tell you how hot you are while trying to get you to enter your credit card information on their webcam sites. The people behind these things could be fat chicks, or dudes, or who knows.

SO I decide to have a little fun. No not that kind you pervs. So between talking about her webcam I drop these little lines in. This is called the setup. Where you layer a back story.

8:10pm Waffles: ok it is nice to meet someone to talk to
8:11pm Chloe: thanks..so are you on my link babe
8:11pm Waffles: yes do you have a promo code?
8:11pm Chloe: nope just live it blank ok babe >....
8:11pm Waffles: I have been lonely lately.. I have cried myself to sleep since my divorce.
8:12pm Chloe: oh sorry for that babe i hope i can ease the pain your feelin now
8:13pm Waffles: yeah it was hard she pretended to like me then one day she left me for a fireman and said she never loved me
8:14pm Chloe: oh my god shame on her..dont worry she dont deserves you ok ..so just move on i will help you.. let me know if you got your ID NUMBER OK BABE

At this point I am not sure where I am going with this. I figure I will fuck with her somehow but I have not figured out the end game yet. So she ups the ante for the end game pitch.

8:15pm Chloe: yes..do you want to know my real name ??
8:16pm Waffles: yes
8:16pm Chloe: hmm im stacey parker hope you understand that i use a screen name
8:16pm Waffles: right makes sense so people will not harass you in real life
8:17pm Chloe: hmm yes..your the only one knows my name now
8:17pm Waffles: that's awesome it makes me feel special
8:18pm Chloe: yes your a special person for me ...hope i can trust you
8:18pm Waffles: yes you can trust me
8:18pm Chloe: with my heart

Now she is sticking it in. I told her I was just divorced and crying every night and yet she wants me to trust her with her heart. I think this is a little bit cold and so I formulate a game plan. So I lay on some more of the lonely depressed thing.

8:20pm Waffles: can you give me a hug?
8:20pm Chloe: yes if you want it
8:21pm Waffles: yeah I need a hug I am lonely since my divorce
8:21pm Chloe: dont worry cause i can give you that oh babe where's your id number

See how I might be skeptical as she keeps asking for my ID number. She did promise me a hug though. I think we are really progressing here. Here she starts to get a little suspicious.

8:28pm Waffles: oh right ok I am looking for a credit card
8:28pm Chloe: so can you finish the vote now babe ok babe
8:28pm Waffles: I don't want to leave you though
8:29pm Chloe: why where are you going
8:29pm Waffles: I think I left it near the pizza box I need to get up and get my card under the beer cans I have been drinking a lot since I got divorced
8:30pm Chloe: ok babe im waiting ok ..hope you dont just play me..i like you and i dont want the guy i want to play me around....got me babe dont worry i will take good care of you

I keep layering on the comments pointing to my depression and alcoholism. In between talking to her and putting her off for the credit card information I throw in the little tidbits of how I am lonely, depressed, drinking.. how my wife left me. Real sob story. Layering the lies. She then ups the stakes and I figure out how to stick it to her. I need to be patient though.

8:31pm Chloe: oh i see..so do you want to see my pussy now babe ??
8:31pm Waffles: yeah I do! do you shave it?
8:31pm Chloe: you know i rally like you so babe please dont play me round ok..cause i can be your wife if you want
8:32pm Waffles: you can be my wife?
8:32pm Chloe: yes my pussy is clean yes if you want to
8:32pm Waffles: my wife has a hairy pussy
8:33pm Chloe: hmm babe you will see later ok..and you will like it my juicy and nice pussy..
8:33pm Waffles: don't you live in another country?
8:33pm Chloe: hmm are you signing the 2nd page babe
8:33pm Waffles: yeah I am looking for my gold amex
8:33pm Chloe: i can go anywhere i want to go..and i can go there at your place as long as im with you
8:34pm Waffles: you would come to America and live with me?
8:35pm Chloe: yes is there something wrong???or you dont want
8:35pm Waffles: No I just am stunned
8:35pm Chloe: babe are you really on the 2nd page?/
8:35pm Waffles: I would not be lonely with you.. you seem very nice
8:35pm Chloe: dont feel like that ..cause i think your a good gut and not hard to love
8:36pm Waffles: I am not sure my ex-wife said I was ugly
8:37pm Chloe: hmm she says that cause she dont love you ok..but dont worry we can visit her if im with you so..let me see what she will feel..hmm i think im more beautiful than your ex wife
8:37pm Waffles: yes you are and you are sexier i bet you know how to please a husband
8:38pm Chloe: hmm just relax ok babe cause im good at all..and i think i can satisfied you in anyways

Wow! So now we are going to get married!! I just need to find that pesky ID. I am so happy. I have found a new wife!!! Notice she said she thought I was a nice gut. I think she meant guy but probably she is more correct with gut. Now we move into the end game.

8:38pm Waffles: I am crying now.. I did not think I would every meet anyone else that could love me
8:39pm Chloe: so babe are you done signing?? hmm i think you deserves me and i deserves you.. now please dont cry babe cause i dont want my babe crying
8:40pm Waffles: ok. I will man up. I am just so lonely.
8:40pm Chloe: dont worry im here now so dont be sad ok babe
8:40pm Waffles: I think I might kill myself if I did not find a nice person like you
8:41pm Chloe: hmm babe are you done singing the my link???? hmm dont say that cause im here now babe ok babe
8:41pm Waffles: I hope this is real... or I may have to kill myself

Layer it in but take it slow. You can not move too fast or it will seem fake. You need to talk, then say something about killing yourself, then talk about how happy you are again. Layer upon layer.

8:41pm Chloe: so im here to ove you no dont go that way ok babe cause after this contract i will go there in you place and let's have a new start ok babe
8:42pm Waffles: I bought a gun last night last week and I have put the nozzle in my mouth every night but I can not pull the trigger one more bad thing though and I think I will just end it
8:43pm Chloe: what??babe please promised me that you will not do that again ok babe please
8:43pm Waffles: well since you are coming to be with me I do not have to do it... if not then I think I would just have to go ahead and move on to a better place

I have set the plate now. I have been sticking a gun in my mouth. I am suicidal. However my angel has saved me. As long as I can hold on to this hope I can live. The stage is set and now I just have to drop the BOOOOM!

8:44pm Chloe: yes that's it cause your the one who will give me a baby yes that's it
8:44pm Waffles: you wan't a baby?
8:44pm Chloe: babe hmm did you got your ID NUMBE yes ID NUMBER
8:45pm Waffles: you seem young for a baby how old are you?
8:45pm Chloe: 22....hey babe im asking you if your done and got your id number
8:46pm Waffles: I think you are just lying to me to get me to fill out that page... I can not take this anymore. I am just going to end it. I am going to stick a gun in my mouth now and blow my brains out. thanks for making my last moments humiliating
8:47pm Chloe: oh my god babe im not lying ok i just want you to see me cause i have wrote something that will make you happy and i want you to see it hmm babe please i have wrote something for you babe and i want you too see it on the web cam you there
8:48pm Waffles: goodbye life

I then stop typing ANYTHING. I just go silent. For the next 15 minutes I get the following.

8:48pm Chloe: please im not lying ok i liked you]
8:49pm Chloe: please talk to me hey
8:52pm Chloe: hey babe
8:57pm Chloe: are you dead??
9:01pm Chloe: heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I really think I got her. Scammed the scammer. What do you guys think? Too mean? Did I get her? I have decided if I get another message before tomorrow morning I will have won. SO I am leaving facebook open for the night... and hopefully I have won.

Who want's to be the cop? You know. Something like this.

Cop: Hello Chloe my name is Sergent McDonald. How do you know Waffles?
Chloe: Oh I do not know him well
Cop: Oh. Ok. We are investigating all of his friends. The other night he committed suicide. We do not think there was any funny business but we are talking to his Facebook friends and requesting chat logs.
Chloe: Oh no. That is so sad. I do not know what happened. Bye now.

12 Comments:

Blogger MHG said...

I was kind of hoping that you'd don your robe and wizard hat, but your originality would have none of that! Nice bluff.

7:22 PM

 
Blogger Josie said...

Yeah I think "you got her"....I think she believed you about being suicidal, but even still, she didn't stray from the goal of getting your ID number/money. Talk about cold and heartless. She deserved what she got, but I dunno if she had enough soul to feel bad.

7:28 PM

 
Blogger Bloody P said...

You are an evil, evil man. And this is why I still read this blog.

8:45 PM

 
Blogger NewinNov said...

Ditto bloody P; don't ever change.

9:03 PM

 
Blogger Julius_Goat said...

I doff my cap to the master.

3:41 AM

 
Blogger Littleacornman said...

lol,superb Sir.I opened my yahoo im the other day to a message from "Ivana Humaplot".Unlike Chloe though,I'm sure Ivana's genuine...

4:28 AM

 
Blogger HighOnPoker said...

DUDE! I literally laughed out loud. Great job! Should I send her a facebook msg from a new account called FBPolice?

6:46 AM

 
Blogger smokkee said...

faking suicides on the internet, good times.

12:19 PM

 
Blogger DrChako said...

Sick. Brilliant.

-DrC

6:47 PM

 
Blogger Iak said...

Never change. Stuck at a computer catching up today and that made it bearable.

Iak

10:56 AM

 
Blogger William said...

Pics or it never happened!

ScottMc

12:02 PM

 
Blogger Carmel said...

Wowzers, Waffles.

10:06 AM

 

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