Thursday, March 11, 2010

You Run So Bad?

Wow. What a fucking night. I run so bad. Go give Bayne some love. I mean what are the chances? Someone who does not read Baynes blog at all just HAPPENS to read it.. then just by coincidence clicks on that Waffles guy link and then by some fluke goes to the post talking about her. It sort of make's me believe there must be a God and he fucking hates me.

Here comes my big fuck you asshole list. First award goes to that fucktard Pushmonkey. I am happily enjoying losing because of another fucking retard I will out in a second. I then get an IM from the aforementioned asshole. "Hey play the Mookie you cunt! Stop being a Pussy.". Now I know there is no way this can end but in disaster. I decide to go for it anyways.

The second assfucker on my list today is Jammyhawk. I can not believe I let that retard post about how easy 45-man super turbos are and I FUCKING BELIEVED HIM! I mean it all sounds so plausible. I just forgot one thing: You need to be a fucking lucksack to win.

I play the first one and I hang on. Use his strategy. Get to the final table. Now in the time it has taken me to get to the final table I have had not one but two fucking 70-30 suckouts already. My AQ fell to A3 and my KK fell to A9. Two time's. In one fucking game. My first game of the night. Poker is so not skill.

I then get all my chips in with 9 players left and the awesome hand of AK against... KQ. Get this too. The retarded fuck that had KQ. He re-raised me. Even though I was basically in with the blind and there was no dead money or side pot. He jams his full 1800 stack in PROTECTING my hand like the monkey fucking retard ass aids infected cocksucker that he is AND hits his fucking Queen on the river.

So to you JammyHawk I hope you get fucking herpes. Not even the fucking hidden shit that just makes your dick sting. No. I hope you get FACE herpes so every time you walk out on the street people look at your disgusting pock marked herpes face and say "Mommy! I am scared! Get that herpes faced freak away from me!!!".

Now back to the Mookie. I played well early on. Pushed VBPro off a few pots. Made the correct folds. Read my opponents well. I then made a small mistake. I will preface this by saying I would most likely play this hand the same way every time.

I have kings in early position and raise. Heffmike re-raises me. I assume his range here for a re-raise is something like TT+ AQ+ something in there. So I 3-bet him. At this point I have like 2k of my 3k in the middle. He jams. I KNOW for a fact he has Aces but I have to call. I make the call and get ready to leave. Of course since poker is just a game of luckboxing your way to victory I fuck him hard and hit a king on the flop. Somehow I avoid the ace and double up. As I said before I play that hand the same way against most opponents every single time. So while I was way behind I do not think I necessarily misplayed this hand.

As a side note Heffmike says that he 3-bet me by re-raising. What is the correct terminology. I always thought a 3-bet was the third action. So I raise is first, then he re-raises me as the second move.. then I 3-bet him, and he 4-bet jams me forcing me to make the call. He said he 3-bet me. What is the correct terminology anyone?

Meanwhile Buddydonk that fucking whore bag stoner that drives around in a shit brown car is steadily increasing his stack with retarded hands like A2o. I know stoners have no fucking motivation unless they self medicate with pills but jesus fucking christ you would think he would learn to play someday. He probably sits around his house in yellow Cheetos underwear alternating between puffing, eating his Cheetos and masturbating.

We get into a hand where VBPro, Buddy and I see a flop. Buddy and I have 6k stacks. The blinds are 25/50. The flop gives me a set. So I lead out. VBPro raises me after having raised pre-flop. I am not folding here to VBPro. I put him on a hand like AK and if he has the KK overset to my 55 set then so be it. So the action here is a bet, a re-raise, and you are BuddyDonk. Sitting around. Smoking your fucking stoner bowl wondering who the pretty blonde chick next to you is. Ahh yeahh brah I am married. Riiigghtt. You look down and have Ace fucking high with a goddamn redraw to a fucking flush. Of course you jam all your chips in to the middle. No fold equity. Huge stack relative to the blinds. Hey brah waaaas that. A fucking 26% dog on the flop vs my 73% chance to win. Whoahh numbers. On the turn you drop to a 15% chance to win and yet here I am sitting with a 1K stack because someone with 120BB deep stack can not find the fold button. Whoooaaahh dude. I really do not know how Joanne could marry someone who plays as bad as you. I hope for her sake you have a really big cock.

Sidenote: Fuck you Fuel you cocksucker. I hope some big burly guys with a lead pipe came by and kneecapped you when the stock market crashed. Fucking 55 is NOT GOLD. You goddamn retard. Whoever told you that shit lied!!!!

I finally go out on the final table of the Mookie. Pinkystinky had been raising my blinds a lot. Probably a good move. So I jammed all in on him with my 1K stack and Fuel's fucking ass licking fives and of course he calls with 87. Yeah. So this time I only lost a 52-46'er. It was inevitable.

So lets recap. Some chick in New Hampshire thinks I am a creepy stalker. I have used mad skill. I have read weak hands. I have made all the right moves except for one time in which I did the right move at the wrong time. I have been in 70%+ situations 4x and 50+% situations and not won a single time. I swear if I flipped a coin 100 times it would be tails every fucking time.

The rest of the night did not get any better as I ran into 5 more situations where a dominating Ace was against a weak Ace. Jacks were against A4. Nine fucking 70%+ hands and not a single win. Whoever said poker is skill should be fucking castrated. The balls should then be stuffed in their mouths. They should be burned at the stake while choking on their own gnads. Finally their ashes should be pissed on. Poker is such a fucking joke.

10 Comments:

Blogger DuggleBogey said...

Pre-flop the blinds are always the first action.

7:12 AM

 
Blogger Heffmike said...

Threebetting is different preflop vs. postflop - postflop it is bet/raise/threebet, but not pre.

VBPro7 posts the small blind of 40
PinkyStinky posts the big blind of 80 (first bet)
The button is in seat #3
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Maniac57 raises to 240 (first raise is the two bet)
heffmike raises to 720 (second raise is the three bet)
Maniac57 raises to 2,280
heffmike raises to 3,840
Maniac57 calls 827, and is all in

heffmike shows [Ah Ad]
Maniac57 shows [Kd Kc]

Like you aren't getting it in with the second nuts preflop. Standard.

8:39 AM

 
Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

I might fold if I have more behind but in this case I am getting it all in for sure.

9:11 AM

 
Blogger Bayne_S said...

If small blind is 1st bet and BB is raise isn't the 1st raise really the 3-bet?

9:15 AM

 
Blogger lightning36 said...

This rant made my day.

1:02 PM

 
Blogger Mike G said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

4:32 PM

 
Blogger Mike G said...

Almost better than a game of "What Can't Adam Complain About"

4:34 PM

 
Blogger Thorn said...

Hey there Waffles. They say that everyone feels better when they see other people's ranting troubles. Since your blog has provided that for me so far, I thought you might appreciate a little giving back.

I made a second blog about how shitty my experience has been with the healthcare system and hospital debt collectors. Not earthshattering, more just running really bad, plus an ongoing battle with the bastards. It probably won't last long, I'm hoping to get it all resolved within a couple months, but why not blog to document it all?

Check it out if you want, it's through my profile.

11:59 AM

 
Blogger Loretta8 said...

what lightning said

2:25 PM

 
Blogger Drizztdj said...

Much improved ranting sir.

Well done.

2:25 PM

 

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