Monday, August 31, 2009


Sometimes I feel like the blog is getting old. Perhaps I should retire it. It used to be really easy and fun. I feel that way at times still but lately life has been in a holding pattern and most days I have nothing to write. Seriously I doubt most of you are interested in my weight loss or what I ate for lunch. I guess the posts serve a purpose because I equally need to get out my insane excitement over good things and bad.

Life remains in the realm of fucked up but bound to improve. I seriously have dug myself a big hole in the past couple years. It is hard to explain being stuck in a situation where all you can really do is pull into yourself. Especially the past two years have been bad. I have missed more days of work than I like. I let my license run out. I lost my phone. My car died and I never replaced it. I just pulled in on my self like a piece of coal under pressure.

On the good side I think the pressure has cracked and something of a diamond may be showing. I am starting to get things going again. Exercising. Eating better. Trying to pull out of myself and do things like Vegas and the like. I guess I am just kind of anxious to get on with life. It has been too long.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Bodogg Ehh?

I just heard that Bodog Cannuck is available straight from our favorite Bodog poker chick Nadia Alterio. Please mention her when you signup.

Fuck Fat People Blog

Nah not really. I love fat people. Especially women. I just do not want to be fat myself. I know the blog is becoming more of an exercise blog than PokerPeakers but that is what my spastic mind is into at the moment. Last four days I have been able to walk again which is nice. After being out of commission for almost a month I am glad to get back on the wagon. The weight is holding steady at 180 ATM. It was down as low as 176 at one point.

Getting back into the mile walks has caused me to see how much even that little exercise helps. It is the difference from being kind of weasy at the end of walking up some steps and having no problems with general low intensity activities. Hell I could run a mile after my first stint of exercise.

I am considering doing the Beginners 5k Training.

This is a 8 week training schedule for an absolute beginner wishing to run a 5k. No prior running experience is necessary.

This program assumes that you are in moderate shape (able to easily walk a mile at a brisk pace), and are able to run 3 days a week. Schedule the program so that you will have at least a few days rest between the final training run and the 5k.

The pace is basically slowly building up.

During the first 2 weeks you should run a total of 6 times. Begin slow and then build up as your endurance improves. Try starting out jogging/walking about 3/4 of a mile, and build up to jogging 1.5 miles.

During the next 2 week period, you will run a total of 6 times. Begin where you left off (jogging about 1.5 miles), and keep this pace for all of week 3 so you get comfortable with it. During week four work your way up to being able to jog 2 miles.

During the next 2 week period, you will run a total of 6 times (once again). Begin where you left off (jogging 2 miles), and keep this pace for all of week 5 so you get comfortable with it. During week 6 work your way up to being able to jog 3 miles. You are now very close to the actual 5K distance.

Finally begin where you left off (jogging 3 miles), and try to build up during week 7 to a distance of 4 miles. Ease off during week 8 and run only 1-2 miles early during the week so that your body will have time to rest. At this point you have exceeded the 5K distance, so you know you are capable. Now you're ready to blaze through the 5K!

I actually did play some poker last night. I had like 9.50 for the Mookie so I went to try and make a few extra bucks. I started off really good and was like twenty cents short. I then got a dude with A7 hearts to stack off on the turn against my AJ with an Ace on the board. He had a redraw to the flush there. His percentage to win when the money went in was 18%*Waffles Bad Luck Factor which equals guaranteed win. I got back up to seven bucks and then basically raced AK s000ted hearts against JJ. He raised in EP and so I jammed to make him possibly consider folding. I was a slight dog here when he called. I do not think you have to make moves like this in a cash game but it was Mookie or bust. Obviously I lost on an all black board. Ah well.

I am pretty much what the fuck is the point right now. I may change my mind later. I am however coming to the pokering in December. Will buy my tickets to Vegas in October. Jet Blue foreva! They are always late retards but I love the TV and the prices. I am not sure where I am going to stay but if anyone wants a Fat, Smelly, Fart machine that snores at night to share a room with for two nights let me know. Women are more than welcome to apply.

I will arrive the night of the 11th and jet back on the red-eye on Sunday. I intend to mostly drink although I will play some poker and participate in the tourney. I have a nice record of near misses and could-have-beens. I especially appreciate Mrs. Spaceman and Coxlovers contributions to my almost wins. Although I have to admit being at the table with Mrs. Spaceman and Grubette was AWESOME!!!

Once the divorce is all settled down I want to make a lot more trips to places like Okie Vegas and Ehh Vegas maybe even a west coast swing or something to the south.

On the sex front THE LAKE BEAST IS DEAD LIGHTBULB! Sheeesh. I met a new chick we will call "The Librarian". Stuffy looking, prim, and proper by day but freaky good at night! I can see her being a friend for a while. I am so not looking for any kind of exclusive relationship for a long time though. Friendship. Talking. Fun Times. Sex is good if it happens. Just looking for some casual times.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Ass Sucking Faggot Riggs

Jesus Christ was a fucking pansy. He fucking goes rah rah rah and says "Hey, Everyone join DailBurn". The asshole then does not even login enough to confirm me as his motivator. Fucking lard ass motherfucker is probably sitting in the couch, masturbating, with a tub of Ben and Jerry's Fat Fuck Monkey in the other hand. Stupid fucktard exercised by farting off his bean burrito burger. Dumb motherfucker.

I decided to start putting in my nutritional habits today. I wanted to see why I seem to eat very little but have a big tummy. Today I had a slightly worst lunch than usual. Onion Rings, Whopper Jr, Chocolate Milk Shake, Coke, McDonald's Lemonade, Hungry Man TV Dinner.

The total for the day was 1695 Calories, 44g Protein, 50g Fat, 277g Carbs.
The goal that this thing automatically made for me was 1900-2100 Calories, 150-200g Protein, 45-60g Fat, and 170-220g Carbs.

So it seems like I take in too many Carbs and not enough proteins so far. It also suggested I drink eight glasses of water per day. Does Lemonade count as one? No idea.

I walked 1/2 mile trying to test my toe and see what I can handle. Much less pain today. It ached a little right at the end of the walk then I was fine. No extra pain tonight. SO I am happy about that. Will work it up to 1 mile after a few more test runs. The site says I burned 42 calories in my walk. So I guess I am getting in 82 calorie burn every day. I will add some other things in a couple of weeks.

Fuck You August

Thanks for all the nice comments on my last few posts. I am ready for August to end and September to fire up. Recap of August: PAIN LEVEL 8 for two weeks, Pain Level 3 for 2 weeks. Now I am down to very little pain unless my son jumps on my toe by accident. Freaking Waffles gene. I am going to try another short walk today. I rested all weekend and took Monday off. I have three pills left from my batch of one a day. I actually can walk normally again for the moment with only slight twinges of pain.

The wife continues to piss me off too. She comes home on Saturday and says "Hey I am taking the kids out with Nick". Apparently bringing up the subject means I agree and it is a good idea. I kinda thought I had reservations. It also means she told me that she was going to do this on Saturday of course. She went to an ice cream shop and gave the poor kids a bucket of ice cream. The boy being Waffles protege of course ate the whole thing and came home crying about his aching tummy. On Sunday they also went out together.

The only reason I have any problem with this is because inevitably the kids start saying "Hey Nick has a cat and when he comes to live with us the cats will need to fight to see who is dominant". So basically they are children and think if you date someone and stay over there house multiple nights that you must be getting married. If the relationship does not work out I do not want them to feel sad because their pal Nicky is not around anymore.

The wife is retarded and not as forward thinking as me. Actually any of you who know me can attest to the fact I am about as forward thinking as a retarded chimp. I made her deal with the children's expectation issue at least a little bit by repeating what JMan said to me in front of both of them. She then has to explain that staying out every night until 6AM with Nick does not mean they are getting married.

Honestly if they did get married it would solve a lot of problems. My wife thinks she can afford to keep the house and live there but I know she can not. I keep trying to get her to face up to this. Since she will not the next best thing would be for Nick to move in and support her. I am fully in support of this option but it is probably as likely as the wife getting a clue.

I did appreciate the sentiment in comments that I should "JUST GET THE FUCK OUT DUDE". While there is probably nothing I would like more I just can not do it. If there were no kids involved it would be easier. No way I am putting my kids through the financial and emotional stress of me just going to an apartment. I was fully prepared to live with the wife for the next 12 years and sacrifice everything for the kids. Fortunately the wife did not want this and we both agreed miserable is not a good way to go. Being stuck for six months to a year more to ensure a smooth transition is not so bad I guess even if I am feeling trapped now that I can see my freedom inches away.

Ah my friends who knew the train wreck would be non-poker related when I started this whole thing. Peace out.

P.S. Lightning read more of my posts. I told you Lake Beast is dead. Thank God. Only good thing my sister ever did for me.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Feeling Down

I was feeling kinda down today. My toe is still hurting so I am unable to do much exercise. Life seems stalled at the moment. So I decided to go ahead and try the toe out. I did not want to do my big walk so I limited it to about 10 blocks. I was feeling good. The sky was a little overcast. The wind started picking up. The sky darkened a bit. I made it to the book store at eight blocks so I could pickup my next Sookie Stackhouse novel. Teenie detective vampire books are like crack. I get outside the bookstore. I then have what I can only describe as a practical joke. It was honestly like God was looking down. Calculating the worst place for me to get caught in a torrential downpour. The opening up his hands which had been holding the water and dropping it on me. The sewers overflowed in seconds. I look as if I just walked out of the shower. All in all enjoyable even if I have to face my co-workers mirth. I swear though between the storms and the plague(toe) all I need is some crabs from some bar ho for the locust and I will have a little Egypt going on.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Interesting Conversation

First of the toe still is bothering me. FMT.

Today I was driving to work with the wife and she says she want's to bring the kids out to ice cream with her new boyfriend. She asks what I think about this. I tell her I think it is a little soon to be introducing people to the kids. She want's to see how he is with them. I bypass the fact that guys on dates are on their best behavior. She asks if I want to meet him first. I say I do not have any burning desire to meet him. She asks why not? Do I not want to meet him and see how he will be around the kids. So I ask "If I say he sucks and you should dump him will you?". She says "no". I then ask "If I said I thought he would be bad for the kids would you dump him?". She hedges her bet here and asks why he would not be good for the kids? I take this as a no. So what is the point of me meeting him? I mean I do not mind saying "hi" and shaking his hand but I have no need to go out and compare orgasm notes with him. "Yeah dude she loves it when you take her from behind". "Hey, have you tried the grape thing?". I just guess I do not see the point besides the fact that they have only been dating for like a month. Of course I could say she likes surprise anal.. that could start some trouble.

As for me I keep the chick thing where it should be. My chick sends me explicit nude pics of herself. I do not share them with the kids. I do not share them with the wife. I do not share them with the blog. Everything is as it should be.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Scott is a Fag

I played some poker yesterday. I actually lost to Scott while winning cash. Interesting. I have honestly never seen someone cap so often with two outs and fucking hit. So sick. Is there an application that takes a FT history and tells you how often you got your money in ahead? I swear it must have been like 99.9% with Scott. He ended up winning by 24 cents. I got bonus clearing and rakeback which was nice plus he spotted me the first buyin so I came out way ahead.

I may actually try and grind some LHE for a while. I was doing pretty good until asshat sat down and kept asking me to play stupid HU games. Fucker.

Besides that my foot still hurts. It hurts less with the medicine though. I only notice it badly when I kick something with it. I notice it slightly when I walk around and at the very end of a step your toes kind of curl back. That hurts. So I semi-limp around but not as bad as last week. Hopefully this goes away so I can get exercising again.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Just Rambling

Lot of things going on so I figured I would ramble through them all. My medicine has brought my pain down to a manageable level and I am hoping I will be done with the pain after sitting on my ass all weekend. So that is my plan. Level up my druid (75 Night Elf on Alterec Mountain) and keep my foot out of shoes. Shitting green diarrhea is the only bad side effect. I ate a whole plate of Sushi today just for fun. Will report in on the results in an hour or so.

The wife is doing good on the dating front. She is seeing this guy whom I refer to as "Nicky Poo". She texts him at all hours. She was out until like 2AM with him last night. She refuses to admit sleeping with him though. She is going away with him this weekend. Hot stuff.

I saw boobies. They were big. HUGE. Lovely. Nice big nipples. I may or may not have shown a thing or two myself. Modern technology is wonderful. I should be getting an up close and personal view soon. Lake Beast is done with. I never really considered fucking her because she is just a Lake Beast. She could have a contest with my sister for the dumbest moron living in her parents basement award. My sister went ahead and told her not to talk to me. At least she did one good thing for me. Thanks Sis!

I was hoping a little that my sister changed into a human. That possibly I could have an adult relationship with her. No idea where this nostalgic wish came from. Five seconds after I friend her on Facebook I realize this is impossible with a retard like her. So back to having no family. I guess it could have been a more expensive lesson.

I need to step up my game. It is weird. Like today just ordering lunch it went something like this with the hot Asian chick and the pierced nosed hottie.

Me: It is hot out.
Her: Yeah, I like the hot weather.
Me: yeah. me too. (Do not mention sweaty man boobs do not mention sweaty man boobs)
Her: It is a short walk to work from home.
Me: Me too. Walked over from Hancock.
(** Awkward silence in which I do not know what to say **)

It is funny because I can talk forever over IM but when I meet someone in a social situation I just have no idea what to say. I probably need to get out more and do some interesting things so I will have something to talk about. Perhaps the built in silences are less awkward over IM? Maybe I should put a keyboard on her chest and then I would be alright. I really need to work on having some kind of social skills.

Nothing else is really going on. I feel kind of like stuck in a holding pattern. I need to take much more control of my life. I have even let my license expire and my phone is lost somewhere. I plan on getting my License back when my toe feels better and then opening up my own checking account and start paying my own bills. I need to wrest control of my life from my wife.

Hope things are going well for you all. I may play some poker over the weekend. We shall see.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Do Not Fuck With Me You Inbred Piece of Shit

Sister: hey marshall im still here so there is nothing you can to about it ahahah

I click the report button.

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It is fun playing with morons.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

She Touched It!

I went to the doctor today and got the medicine Big Pirate suggested. The side effects for it are only if you take it long term so I guess I am ok with it. So I am relaxing in the car on the ride back and my wife is like "What is that?". I am like "huh?". She is like "Do you have an erection?". So I am like "Um yeah". So then she pokes it. Like she did not believe me. Then she is like "Why is it up? What are you excited about". So I had to explain to her how I never left high school. You know. The days when you pop a boner in math class for no reason. That is me all the time. Stiff wind. Strong rain. Whatever. It is constantly going up and down on it's own. All the time. Some people have told me 40 year olds loose it but I am going strong as ever.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Crazy Bitch

My foot started hurting again. I am in a bad mood. My sister sent me another email "Did you get my last email. I do not want to have anything to do with you. I mean it". THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SENDING ME EMAILS YOU STUPID CUNT!

I Was Gonna..

I was going to tell you all I am feeling better finally. Still sore toe but I can actually walk again which is nice. I might have mentioned that I have lost 11 pounds so far. Which really amazed me because I expected to gain weight since I could not exercise for the past two weeks. Instead I will give you what you want. Not from me however.

The main psycho award of our family goes to my sister. I know it is hard to believe I am only the second most psycho. Just to give a little background. I thought my sister was straightening up after jail and maybe getting to be I dunno.. normal. So I go ahead and friend her on Facebook. She then starts adding invites to random friends of mine. Next thing I know any chick who even says "Hello" to me gets an evil you are a whore email. So I defriend her and tell everyone to watch out for my demented sister. I also made sure they knew that this was NOT my wife but my sister. I get 5 email rants in response:

Sister: Waffles your the asshole foe telling people i have a mental promblem get a life and i dont need your friends so get over it . i have enough on my plate with patrick hr might need brain surgry but who cares right all you care is about your selfand know oneelse. you dont know how it feels to have a sick kid because your kids arentsick if they where you wouldent know what to do . i thought you were my brother i quess i was wrong all you give a fuck is about is your self i feel bad for the kids and michelethank god she left you i would too. and one more thing if i want to come on here i will so fuck off and get a life. i dont need your get a life.your better of not talking to mom because you havent talked to mom in years why now. and Lake Beast probley blew you at the lake thats gross i hope you enoughit was it good .

Sister: i dont want yourfriends you are crazy i throught you were my brother but i quess not your the one with the promblem is you tring to get layed while your still married to michele you know i like michele and the kids and they will always be part of my life i dont care if you like it or not. so grow up and get a life.i dont care if you dont want to tralk tome anymore because its part of my recovery not to fight with people thats your promblem we where never close anhyways you always put me down no matter what i do or did look at you self dont question what i do i take c are of my self and patrick anyways patrick may need brain surgury at childrens hosptailto get rid of his surgry so i dont need you shit i have enough to worrieabout than you saying shit about me to everyone i have patrick heath to worrie about he has to be in the hosptail for 5 days of testingbefore the doctors make a deciion what there going to do about it so waht ever get over it you dont have sick kids so you just dont have a clue or care whats happens if you had sick kids iit would be a difffrent story all you do is think about your self and know wone else well karma will kick you in theass so i hope it does so youll wake up a smell the coffee and think aboput things expceally about mom and go vist dad at the graveand come to grips with it and bring the kids there it was there grandfatheryou like or not.

I won't go into the amusement I get from the fact she is not supposed to fight with people. I also explained to her that Michele and I are divorcing and we can see other people if we want. The wife actually had three dates with the same guy this week. Anyway I know the crazy has been gone from the site so I thought I would bring some back via a guest post from Waffles Sister.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Percoset Hangover?

I swear amateurs like myself should not self medicate. The first night the percoset was my best friend. The pain went away. I felt all relaxed. I did not sleep through the night but it was not the pain that woke me. It was more like percoset gives you some weird semi-awake dream state sleep thing. It is odd. So at least I did not feel like I slept but I felt a little refreshed at having a break from pain.

Last night I popped another two. It did not even take the edge off. I mean can I become immune that quickly? Is god up there laughing with Jesus.

GOD: Hey Son, Check this out. *ZAP*. HAHA! Those percosets will not work now!
Jesus: Good one dad! I almost forgot about your sense of humor.
GOD: Haha ya! That cross thing was funnnnyyy!

So since two did not work I waited till the bottle said I could take two more.. and popped those. Nothing. nada. I was in pain all night. Even worse. I woke up today. I swear I had a percoset hangover. Is that possible? I mean my head was all foggy and I felt a little disoriented and fucked up and even dizzy. Weird shit.

Since the fucking things stopped working for me I guess I am going to pass on tonight. Shit man straight to the heroine for me I guess.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Ah Sweet Percoset

Finally got sick of waking up at 4AM every night.. So what did I do? Popped a few of my wife's Percoset pills. Wheee! Took the edge right off. My sore neck from sleeping wrong was gone too. I tried to relax in my comfy chair but the boy kept asking for drinks and food and to pee. Fucking selfish bastard. heh. So between dizzy walks to the bathroom and mellowing out in my chair it was pretty good. If I moved my foot too much it still was in agony.. but I could actually bend my toe a little which made it feel a hell of a lot better the next morning. I was tempted to pop a couple more for work but I thought saying "WHEEEE!" in my cubicle might be a little hard to explain.

The wife went out on a date last night. I hope she gets married. Please pray for this. I need to ask her if she got any. She was out pretty late. I did not notice any hickeys though. If I get her in the car alone I am going to be all like "Little girl, you were out way past you bedtime, were you a naughty girl?". BWAHAHA! It would be awesome if someone from Dover with money married her. Save me a ton of cash right there. I expect that this hope will get runner runner crushed like every other one I have ever had but we shall see..

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Batshit Crazy Runs in the Family

I had to add my sister as a Facebook friend to remind myself that she is batshit crazy fucking crack ho. I was starting to think she might be normal and I could possible be in an adult relationship with her. In minutes of friending here I get the following messages:

why is patrick pitcur on this fucken web site there better be a good answer for this

who are these girls you are hanging out with you are still with michelle its not fear to her that you are seeing other people you need to stop this shit

Better watch out Carmen and Elf my sister is coming for you!

Oh, and no, she is not foreign, she just spells worse than I do.

Still Alive

Pain kinda makes me not want to connect with people. Gout is still alive and well. Instead of calling it gout though from now on we will refer to it as the "Climbing Accident".

I am tired of sounding old.. so from now on.. "I was mountain climbing with MHG and his sexy bitch. I looked up and saw my clip pulling free of the mountain. So I kicked out with my foot and broke my toe, swinging over to the ledge just as the clip snapped off and dropped my rope to the floor below"

Waking up a few nights in a row at 4AM in pain sucks. I am almost to the point where I would try Big Pirates suggestion of Indomethecin. The other option being getting some pain pills so I can ignore this shit until it goes away. The first option sounds good except the side effects are kind of scary. It basically turns off the lining of your stomach. The stuff that protects you from the acid. So you could potentially get uclers. Bleed. Death. Not good.

If I decide to go for any pain meds I will be sure to ask my readers what is good. I am sure you know much more than the doctors. Until I feel better I will give sporadic updates. I am sort of pissed I am unable to exercise since I was on such a good run. Ah well. Latah.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Thanks Al!

AlCantHang had a great writeup about the new Full Tilt software and Bonus. I find the table selection easier with the new software. Other than that I did not notice too much difference. Al has a lot more information for those who strive for more than break even though.

In addition Full Tilt is offering a hundrey for free! No deposit. Just login. Go to Account->My Promotions.. and click on the Biggest Bonus Ever page and opt in. You then clear the bonus at the same rate you make FTP Points. Happy Hour doubles your clearing ability. Really great thing for them to do.