Thursday, July 30, 2009

FML

This totally sucks. Have not been able to exercise all week except a feeble attempt on Tuesday. I took yesterday off and was feeling pretty good all day. I ate a ton of Blueberries which are supposed to reduce concentrations of uric acid in your system and it seemed to actually help. Today I am sore as hell again. Had to put my boots on which was pure agony. Having a real good time.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Bonding with Mom.

Mom and I used to never talk.. Now I play a game with her called "How bad can I shock mom". I love talking to her now. First time I told her I was going to Anal some bar chicks.. this time I asked if she "Smoked the Pole". This game rocks!!

The Delightful State of Waffles

Being Waffles you never know when it is going to happen but you are always sure it is coming.

I have been a little out of commission all weekend. The revenge of the gout is back again. It does not feel so great when your joint above your big toe swells up and causes enough pain to wake you up a few times a night. I even resorted to taking a few aspirin which I never do. Today I HAD to be in work at 7AM since the boss is gone for two weeks. I have it rough. The worst part about this thing is I have missed my walks for the past two days. I did play some basketball on the sore toe on Saturday and pretty much regret that decision. I am probably going to hobble in a short walk today at lunch.

As far as comments about why I play nitty stakes in poker when I obviously could play much higher. I think this has a lot to do with self awareness. I know I live in my own world that only slightly mirrors reality but I also know myself pretty well. When I started online gambling I decided I would never invest a lot of money into it. The obvious reason being that I could easily be a compulsive gambler. I have all the good signs. The highs and lows from wins. The chasing the loses. Tilting off bankrolls. I could easily see myself as that guy who robbed a bank because his gambling debts became too high. So I stick to my advertising money and keep it as a slightly less addictive hobby. Someday I may go a little further. I will probably play more live games when I am single. Even when I do that though I leave my ATM card at home and bring however much I want to lose.

Hope everything is well with you all.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Love me some Shark Scope

Average profit - zero dollars. Right at the sweet spot. Break even baby! That is where it is at.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Ask Waffles, The Sucko Edition.

Sucko being the jealous hater he is was very interested in my job situation. I find in this unstable economy there are many haters. Normally I do not speak about my job on the blog. The reason for this is simple. The one thing I have done reasonably right in my life is work. In converse proportion to my luck in games of skill and chance I tend to be very fortunate in my working experience. We all know this blog is all about the train wreck. I love to whine and moan. Call it a generic trait. Today however I will indulge you and mention some things about my working situation.

Education
In order to get a job like mine you have to be highly educated. In other words you should drop out of school and get your GED. I took this path and have never really regretted it. I probably have a masters of computer science in my brain but it has all been self taught. It has nothing to do with a hard work ethic per say, although I do work very hard to keep up with technology. It is more to do with the fact I love computers and can spend many fascinating hours playing around with the next new thing.

Dress Code
Early in my career I had to dress like what I affectionately refer to as the "Suited Retarded Monkeys". Alright it may not be all that friendly. Fuck I laugh at these guys wearing "power suits" and making less than me. So sue me. My dress code is very strict. I have a bunch of old polo shirts from defunct companies like Bank of Boston and Baybanks. I wear these everyday. The majority of the time I can wear jeans. If we have clients in house I am required to put on khakis.

Salary
It varies but I have been employed consulting without more than a week off for the last 20 years. I have made between 100-175K a year all that time.

Hours
I come in when I wander out of bed usually. I am mostly in before 10:00 but sometimes I oversleep. I have always liked to test the boundaries and if a client pushes back I become a good boy for a little while. Normally when I first start a job I will be in by 9:00 every day. You can not start out insane, you have to let it build.

Timespan
I go through different phases of employment. I am always the one to decide to leave as my employers all end up loving my work. Normally I am not happy in a contract for more than two years. I like the new-development feel I guess. I like the start of a project. There is a ton of work and a real drive to complete something. This is the exciting part. It is here that I thrive. I think my greatest skill is being able to get a myriad of things done. Period. I may not be the best at everything or anything but I know how to get things done. I know what makes a solid, maintainable, system.

Once the initial drive is over, in about six months to a year, you get into a secondary phase. You are either developing new systems to support the main system you wrote, or preparing for a big rollout, or fixing any of the last issues that may have come up. Still a lot of fun. A ton to do. At this point of time you are so enmeshed into the project and have done such a good job, that you have the super star tag.

A year to two years it becomes a maintenance gig. You have a lot of knowledge in the applications you built. Occasionally there is a nice, meaty chunk of work but it all slows down. It is around this time I get severely bored. I will most often look for new work at the two year mark. Get a fresh dose of new people, learning new systems, maybe switch business focus. I will sometimes stay in a solid job if the economy is bad or I just do not feel like looking. Usually this is a mistake as boredom is bad for me and causes me to come in late and not be the best employee ever. I get my work done. I do the minimum. I work like, well, honestly, like normal employees.

Average Day
I will give you a recap of the day. Today I wandered in around 10:30. Actually the wife overslept today but I was tired too. I open up the Outlook, Instant Messenger, and Firefox. I get Facebook and GoogleReader going. I then check my email and some daily run jobs to make sure there are no emergencies. Today I had some installs that had to get in so I took care of those. I try and get through my 1000's of blogs in Bloglines and catchup with any Facebook quizzes and the like. It is usually lunch time by then. So I go out, get lunch, spend a nice quiet hour eating lunch. I get back. See if there are any development things I need to do. Get those done. Finish up on Facebook. Girlie chat with people who work off hours, or are unemployed, or are allowed IM at work. Surprisingly this is a lot of people. Around 2-3 I get my exercise in. I go out and walk for about a half hour. Come back with a drink. I then either finish off any work I have or Facebook it up for the rest of the day. I leave when I am bored. Usually between 4-5:30. Rinse. Repeat.

In general I feel really fortunate in this aspect of my life. I give the impression that I do not work hard.. and at the end of projects, this is probably true. I have worked really hard to get where I am and when projects start off I do work extremely hard. I also try and leave as close to two years as I can because I understand my weaknesses and would much rather be busy and satisfied than bored. So there you go. A peek into the things that are going right in Waffles world. Who knew? Please do not be hatahs.

Why is it always a BWM?

I was crossing in the crosswalk and see this BWM flying towards me. So I keep walking. Obviously. He finally stops like 2 inches from me so I am like "WHAT THE FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!" and I make motions with my hands like a crosswalk and I am like "Are you too fucking stupid to see the crosswalk?" and he sheepishly shrinks down in his car and says "sorry" because he was a pretty boy and wanted to keep his ears.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Family Fun

The other day my son comes running out of his room and up to my wife. He pulls down his pants and beams with pride "MOMMY MOMMY LOOK I HAVE BALL HAIR!". Ah the wonders of growing up.

I was talking to the wife the other day and said "It is unlikely I would sleep with Lake Beast because she is too dumb. I like smart women". She nodded in agreement. I then said "I never would have married you if you were not smart". She nods again. I turn to her and say in a sarcastic voice "Lucky you are smart, huh?". We both crack up laughing for the next ten minutes.

The Mookie was fun tonight. I slow played Aces against VB pro after he raised from EP. Chad called behind. My opponents had T7 and QJ. Flop came T7x and I did not improve. All three stacks went in on the flop so technically I had odds to call there. I still like my call there as I will get paid off by some weaker hands at times. For instance if Chad had folded and VBPro actually had a good pair. The flop would allow me to stack him. I think jamming is fine too. Mixing it up is important but when you get sucked out on by a shit hand you just have to accept it.

Monday, July 20, 2009

November Nine Photo, A Waffles Perspective



This image has been lifted from the Tao of Poker who in turn lifted it from Mean Gene. If either of these faggots have a problem with me jacking it then too fucking bad. Remember I am crazy and will bite your ear off in a fight! Honestly if you want me to take it down let me know. Ear tastes bad.

I was going to wait to express my opinions on the November nine until Riggs got done telling us why Ivy is not good as a November nine finalist. However he is a fucking lazy douchebag and I can no longer wait for him.

I actually think Ivy playing in this tournament is going to be a good thing for poker. He is such a cross-faction type person. The white guys can relate to him like Obama and Tiger because he seems almost white. The black people think he is one of theirs. The good poker players think it shows that you can win a big tourney with skill and Phil is a poster boy for skilled poker play. The donkeys at least have heard his name and have someone to root for. I think he appeals to most every group and gives people someone to cheer for. Guys like Jerry Yang and Jamie Gold you just wanted to see die. Although I will say Jerry made you believe their might be a god and he likes practical jokes.

Now to the actual point of my post. Have you ever seen a photo that is more fucking ghey than the one Mean gene took. Not his fault. He is just shooting what is there. Take a close look though. We have the freak in the Ultimate Bet garb. Lets forget that he is representing a bunch of scumbags that cheated a whole lot of people. What does he care? He got paid more than the years salary he got from Subways to wear that shit. Why is he fucking nipple pinching the guy in front though? I mean he has his hand right on the man boob and it appears as if he is pinching the nipple. Is that as close as he has ever been to boob? The guy in front looks pretty tough too. Why didn't he just turn around and fucking bitch slap that homo?

The whole right side is where they put all the friendly guys. Kumba fucking ya! Let's hold hands and fucking take a picture. I am sorry but if some dude with 10 hours of sweat and possibly 8 days worth is putting his pits up to me I am moving to the other side. Get the fuck away. At least the guy at the end does not have a queer ass smile on his face.

What about the guy on the other end? The one with the Full Tilt shirt. He is one of two things. He is either flaming ghey or a fucking serial killer. I swear his eyes are saying "DONT YOU FUCKING TAKE A PICTURE OF ME! THEY ARE STILL LOOKING FOR THE BODY IN OHIO!". Can you see it? I think he is going to be able to buy a lot more hookers to kill after this.

Phil Ivy has his "I am a fucking tough guy" look on. I think he needs that edge otherwise he would look ghey too. He is such a fucking pretty boy. He better never get caught doing anything bad or the boys in prison are going to have a good time.

What kinda poker site calls itself the "Spade Club".. and they put him next to Ivy too. I am not going there. Guy on the other side of Ivy looks normal but I do not know why he wore his Marriot Hotel and Inn shirt to the tourney.

Now that I have removed any possibility of ever becoming a WSOP reporter and possibly insulted every race and religion available I will leave you to your day. I am looking forward to the November Nine. It should be interesting.

Friday, July 17, 2009

A Poem by Waffles

i so want to believe
in skill
but yet
all i can do
is cry

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Thinking Ahead

I have spent some time thinking about the things I will need to do to be successfully single. I will discuss these with you as the months go on. The first step is setting up the bachelor pad. The love den. The honey pot. Ahh yeah.

If left to me we would end up with a bedroom that you enter. It has leopard skin fur comforter. I click a button and the lights dim. Another button causes the disco ball to descend from the mirrored ceiling, lights flashing, twirling, putting the victim into a hypnotic trance. The final click causes the smooth voice of Barry White to pour out of the sound system singing the appropriate, sexy, love song - An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig.

So if anyone wants to help me avoid disaster and possible arrest and suggest some appropriate interior design ideas that would be fun.

Wisdom

The more I play poker the more I realize it is all about luck and has really nothing to do with skill. Take last night. I figure I will grind out a little change in LHE. So I am playing good at a 6-max table. I get things like Aces cracked by T6 and AJ going down to TJ. Preflop raises are of course ignored. So I start getting a little pissed off. I decided to play like the retarded with my last few bucks. So I am four betting 89o, I am capping with air, I am fucking playing as retarded as possible. You know what happened? I fucking kicked ass. I take 78o up against Aces capped pre-, few bets on the flop when I hit my 7, I river a seven to take a big pot. I call gutters all over the place. My percentage rate of hitting gutters is extremely high so this may not be bad play. I start hitting them. The table starts steaming. Every hand gets 4-bet and called 4 ways. My hammer cracks a huge pot. River after river pays me off. The rush continues and I take down sixty BB before my rampage is over. So why the hell would anyone use this "skill" thing when retarded works the best.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Devil Gets A Pass

First off I have to apologize for my comments about the devil soon to be EX. She did not in fact BUY Prada shoes and a handbag. No my friends. She was GIVEN these hand-me-down Prada things that were brand new but did not fit her friend. It is good to live in a nice town.

I played a little poker the other night. Took third in the skillz after overplaying jacks vs iaatg overplayed queens. I think in the long run overplaying jacks against iaatg is probably way way way ahead of his range. He is an aggressive player. We all had about ten blinds left so by the time I figured out he had a bigger pair than me I just had to ship it.

I also played a little Omatard-8 MTT. Went out with AJ3K s000ted vs 4436. Obviously he flopped the "nut" six high flush and rivered an Ace to scoop me. I raised my hand pre-flop and he cold called a third of his stack. Have to love the retarded.

Limit Holdem six-max I won a few bucks in a few minutes this morning. Could be something fun to try.

I am thinking that when I become single again college might be a good idea. Nice, young, nubile, ladies, in abundance. Something to think about. I never actually attended college as I am a self made man. I probably have the equivalent of a masters of computer science in my brain. Although I become less able to access it every year. Old age is fun. Luckily I have grown in wisdom and can fake my way through the tough parts.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Devil Wears Prada

Thanks for all the exercise advice. Blaaarggg must not be as dumb as he want's people to believe.. he is a sophisticated Yoga man of the people. I can see him in class "BLAAARGGGG NO BENDY!!! NO BENDYYY!!!". If you see pictures of me in yoga tights in the next few months you know who to kill.

As for PokerPeaker I respect his opinion a ton. He is a marathon machine and knows a lot about exercise. I am however not sure I can be overworked from walking like a mile a day.

I continue to feel beat though. I sort of wonder if I am having some kind of sugar withdrawal issue or something. I have been cutting way back. I usually drink 1 coke a day and that is all. I used to drink at least 3-4 a day, if not more, and it was not unheard of to drink a case on a weekend day. It is interesting that the past two Sundays I have felt the sickest. During the weekends I do not even drink a coke these days. The only other correlating factor is I exercised a little more than usual on both Saturdays. This Saturday I went on a hike in the woods. The boy and I probably did 3-4 miles including a nice climb up a hill that had me a little winded. I ended up picking up a tick on my travels too. I knew there was a good reason I wore jeans all summer.

As for the devil part of this post. I went into the car this weekend and sitting on the floor is a Prada bag and shoes. Now I do not begrudge any woman her shoes. I would be more than happy to buy my woman some Prada. Now it just feels like some bitch spending my money though.

Friday, July 10, 2009

The Hill

I am feeling like I have hit the hill in my exercise routine this week. Not sure whats up. I have not felt as "good" as I have the past few weeks. I am sluggish. Weary. Not sure if I am coming down with something or not sleeping well or what. It just has been pretty blah walking this week. I have still pushed myself out there and done it every day. Ah well. Weight has been fluctuating between 181-184. Caffeine intake is down to a can a day from three to four. Overall things going well. I still have not jumped back on the Calisthenics. I only did those three to four times before hurting my back playing with my daughter. The back is feeling better so I should jump back on but have not done so yet. I will get to it eventually. Other than that blah.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

JJOK is a Hatah

JJOK hates my truly materialistic play style and tries to lump me in with some ElephantFucker site. I will not be lumped in with anyone else. I am a unique flower and any comparisons to my brilliance are ridiculous hatah spam. So PAL BLOW WHATEVA!

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Wanderer

One of the things I like about walking around downtown Boston is that it reminds me a lot of my childhood. I actually think I was happy once. I just did not realize it. The idyllic days of my grade school experience left me feeling bored and restless. Little did I know that wanting things to change did not always mean things would be better. As boredom sunk in I would wander about.

I am not sure if it was a different world back then but I would walk the streets of Brookline, Boston, Arlington. Stopping into little corner shops and reading the comics with the covers torn off that cost a quarter or so each. I would check every parking meeter for a little extra change and was extremely excited when I found these treasures. It meant I would not have to steal my next book to read from the paperback booksmith. Sometimes I would ride my bike, a slick Schwinn machine. One time I rode all the way from Winchester back to Brookline.

I guess getting old brings with it a bit of nostalgia. As I walk among the fantastic architecture of some of the brick buildings it brings me back. Passing by places like French Cleaners, I am not sure if that is the name of the place or if they have frogs lick your clothes clean, as I passed by small shops in my childhood. I guess I am enjoying my walks. One of these days I may just hop a train to Brookline and do one of the routes I took as a child. That would be a lot of fun.

Dumb and Dumber

Every time I see a Master Cleanse commercial on SciFi in the morning I think of Riggs and Ick and wonder why Ick has not sent me an email. Are you playing hard to get? Do the other girls like that?

Monday, July 06, 2009

Excellent Fourth of July

I had a pretty decent weekend. I am feeling like I am pulling out of the funk I have been in over the past few years. I am not totally inserted back into life but can see myself moving towards that state. Not living is a little peaceful, in a stale, dead, kind of way, and a little sad.

The weekend was mostly spent exercising and playing with the kids. You heard right. I probably spent more time outside this weekend than I have in a long time. Friday the whole family went to the track. I ended up walking a mile, then jogging for a quarter mile, and finishing up with a quarter mile cool down walk. It felt good to be ABLE to run a quarter mile. Even a month ago I would have probably passed out at the first turn. I realize I have not been doing this walking thing very long but I have seen a lot of improvement in my health along with dropping six pounds.

Saturday we all went to the sporting goods store. My son wanted a new bat since his coach told him he should be using a 28” one. I also wanted to buy the boy a new glove. His old glove is not broken in very well and has a Pawtucket Red Sox signature. I did not want to ruin the signature. Of course if my son gets something my daughter also needs something and we ended up getting batting gloves, balls, bats, and a whole lot of other stuff.

On the way to the track for the second day of family fun exercise this obese lady pulls out in front of us without even looking. I say to my wife that her eyes must be swollen shut by the fat. The kids start chuckling and the wife says "Her BMW SUV costs more than you make in a year". I have no idea what the correlation is but I go with it. "I am glad she is rich" I say, "That way she can hire someone to wipe her ass because obviously she can not reach". The kids start cracking up. The wife can not stop cracking a smile between calling me an uncouth barbarian. I go with it and start imitating the fat women calling Tina her butt maid. The kids are howling by the time I finish. I may be a little inappropriate as a dad but we had a good time.

I did my usual mile and then the kids and I went off to the field. I pitched a bit, and then started nailed shots into the outfield for fielding practice. I really dialed into the ball and was hitting some really long shots into deep middle field. I did not realize how much my body would pay the next day. We started playing a 2 on 2 game once the wife was done walking. We were going to play three innings but we ended up playing just one. Running the bases was fun. Something else I probably could not have done a month ago.

At the end the boy child melted down. He felt cheated because we did not play three innings. The kids were all arguing and it was starting to rain and the wife and I had enough. He really started getting angry and freaking out. I was kind of split about how I felt about this. In one way it is great that it is so important for him to play and have fun with his family. On the other hand he really needs to be more appreciative of everything he has and gets. He really gets angry when he does not get things his way. After he calms down he usually can talk about things reasonably.

We made plans to go to the Hancock building and watch the fireworks that night but I ended up puking my brains out on the way. I kind of knew I was going to get sick but tried to force myself to go anyway. So we are driving to the train and I am like β€œRoll down the window quick!”. The wife rolls down the window and I start hanging out puking and flapping in the wind like some dog. I yell at her to pull over but apparently there is no safe place to stop. Finally she gets pulled over and I get out of the car letting everything spew out into the grass. We had to head home after that.

I am not sure what caused the stomach to revolt. I am leaning toward dehydration from all of the exercise. I did drink down a huge bottle of water on both days I exercised but I can not think of any other reason to be sick. I did not even have a single beer to drink.

Sunday was a little more of the same with the family hitting the track for the third day. I was entirely sore by this time and could not play catch very well as my arm felt like spaghetti. We did get in a water bottle fight which was fun. I yelled at him to stop soaking me. I guess I should lighten up a little. He enjoyed that a ton though.

We decided to give up our cats since they were causing massive damage to the house and were a pain to take care of. The wife and I had discussed this and decided together to place them in a no-kill shelter. I personally would not have minded placing them into a glad bag but I regress. The kids were upset at the cats being removed from the family so my wife decided to keep the less destructive one.

The wife and kids left to drop the one cat off and come back a while later with everyone in tears. So of course the wife tries to comfort the children. Here is a pro tip for women: YOU CAN NOT MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER! I know you got that warm mothering instinct but some sadness just has to be experienced. The tears got to her enough that she sold me down the river. Now the whole family hates me for getting rid of the cat. It is totally and completely my fault. It is fun to be Waffles.

I remember when my family got rid of our dog for much the same reasons. I did not realize that "We took Charlie to the Farm" meant euthanized until twenty years later. I still recall just bursting out in tears in class the day after. It is a hard thing to lose a pet. I understand that. I also understand that you just have to let time take care of the pain.

All in all the weekend seemed to last forever and despite the status quo of everyone hating me I think we had a good time. I guess for the first time in a while I am looking forward to the future and seeing a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Hope you had as good of a weekend as I did.

Hoyazo V3.0

I can not stop saying I won 51K. Want to hear me say it again. I won 51K!

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Live Bloggin 10K MTT

Doing the whole tourney super aggro daddadadddaaadada LJAYYYY POWER style.

fuck it imma lj'it
wheee jam
thats the lj spirit
i shall adopt it
any hand that good in blackjack
is good for me
all in pre everytime
lol
here we go BlackJack!
3 180 CHIPS limpers
I am all in
1 jam past me
1 fold
2 fold
shit KK vs AA
K FLOP!
LJ RAWKS!
I love you LJAYYY!
lol
i better save this chat for blog post
dadadadaaadada LJAYYYY POWER!
LJAYYY POWAH RAISE 77 IN DA EP!
A33 flop
bluffing AA
shit nobodyu bought it lol
guess I shoulda bet bigger
hahahaha I still won
morons
BOOOM LJ POWER WORKS!
K9 S000TED! LJ POWAH!
K9 flop
lol
some danger
hmm
i may lose lol
fuck paire board river
HAHAH QT bluff I snapped it off!
up to 8k playing DADADADADAAADADDDHHHHH LJAYYY POWER!
OMFG this works so well
Raising T2 s000ted OOP to 4 limpers! GOOOO LJAY POWERS!
Three callers zang!
Dry flop bet out pot!
All Foldey I take down 1K POT!
DDDADDADADADADAAAAADA CHARGE! LJAYYYYY POWERS ACTIVATE!
BLACKJACK HAND! RAISE!
2 callers!
Had to fold. WOOT! Another Blackjack Hand!
I am out to the ANTI-LJ. Fuck me.
I check-raise a dude all in with air on the flop. He has A7 with a gutter draw,
and I have KJ with no redraws. I turn my K with LJayyy powers but can not fade the
fucktards calling off 6K of his 20K stack on the flop with Ace high and he hits his
gutter on the river!

Still that was fucking fun!

Sarah Silverman Wants Me

I was doing my daily research into all things internet. Actually I was debunking some retards idiotic slam of my page rank. I had to chuckle when he said "You will never get advertisements".. Um, yeah, the ten or so on the side do not exist. Moron. Freaking open your eyes before you make dumb comments.

Anyhow I had not checked my Webstats in a while and I saw this weird link. Now as I pondered who at Comedy Central might want to steal my content I looked closer at the link.

It is from Sarah_Blog. See that. Now I quickly went to Comedy Central and searched for Sarah. Who came up? Sarah Silverman! The real clencher that it was her and she wants me is that the weird link has ISRAELI CHARACTERS! Holy crap! It is so her trying to find out more information on Waffles! Listen baby. I am like totally free! You do not have to hide! You can call me, aight?

*** All opinions expressed above are subject to the Waffles delusional factor and may or may not be accurate. Please use caution when getting within range of the delusional field as it has been know to cause problems.

Jonesing

Been Jonesing for a little fix of poker so last night I threw down on the .01/.02 PLO8 tables. High stakes baby. Was a pretty fun game actually. I notice if I play too long then I get loose (AKA Bored?) and start losing. Good thing to note for the future. Got myself in a few good spots and ended up around 50BB up. Guess I can not complain. Not sure if I am disciplined enough to fuck around on these tables. Probably just say fuck it eventually and spew it off. Hopefully closer to the next free money day.

Other than that everything goes the same.. Still exercising. Calisthenics on hold. Back hurts still but is starting to calm down. May check the weight tomorrow night and see if I shed any more poundage.