Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Goddamn My Life is Fucked

Such a crazy life I live right now. On the one side the divorce has ground to a hault before it really got much steam. At first she is all gun-ho about it all and I figured hells ya I am out of here in a month or two. She then wakes up from Fantasy Island and figures out that she probably needs to sell the house and everything slows down. She also is having an operation that forces her to not lift over five pounds for a month. Nothing serious I think. She just pisses herself when she walks. I call her Tina Tinkles. I guess it has to do with the stretching my daughters big head gave her cunt when she came out. Seriously that babies head was freaky big. Add into all this mix the fact the housing market sucks and spring is the best time to sell and it looks like I am probably stuck here for another year. Sometimes I feel like just walking out the door and just doing whatever the fuck I want but the kids would suffer if I did.

Every couple weeks the Beast of the Lake drops me an IM on Facebook. Apparently when you ignore a chick she gets super hot for you or something. I have been doing it wrong all these years.

ME: I have had a cough for like 2 weeks not sure if it is allergies or what.
Beast: you need tlc and a nurse to give you a rub down, on my hands and nees, you need a b and j.

My brain says "Are you seriously thinking of fucking some chick that can not even spell knees?". While my body says "LISTEN DUDE IF YOU WONT DO IT I WILL!!!". Life is funny. Scary part is the first chick I fucked I married.

7 Comments:

Blogger DrChako said...

I... I don't even know where to begin.

Someone give Waffles a hug.

-DrC

1:21 PM

 
Blogger DuggleBogey said...

You better "hault" before you try to criticize someone's spelling.

1:23 PM

 
Blogger VinNay said...

I say get the divorce done ASAP, even if you still have to live there for the next year. Get with the Lake girl, but take care of divorce first in case its a set-up from wife to get more out of the settlement.

Yeah, I'm paranoid.

2:35 PM

 
Blogger Fuel55 said...

Classic FML shit.

9:44 PM

 
Blogger StB said...

I haven't called someone a Beast-fucker in quite a time. Do it already Beast-fucker!!!

9:54 AM

 
Blogger Sean D said...

Just keep swimming.

It will all come out the way it supposed to. Have Faith that they will be a bunch o beasts for you to have your way with AFTER you get divorced.

I'm here if you need to talk

s

10:09 AM

 
Blogger DrChako said...

Did Sean just quote Finding Nemo?!

-DrC

1:04 PM

 

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