Worst Poker Player
Worst Poker Player Booyah! Choad said I would never win anything. Well screw you Choad! I am the king!
I actually used LJ ninja powers last night and landed myself a $75 token. Let's set the stage. I played a 300 Full Tilt Point token race last night. One hundred eighty retards with no money vs one retard with some money. The top six retards take the token. The format is a six max MTT.
First I see someone raise in middle position. I look down and see AQ. I channel myself some LJ and say "Let's jam baby! Momma needs a new pair of shoes!". I take my nose out of LJ's ass long enough to see my opponents AK go down in flames to my AQ. Boomya! Thanks for the lessons darling.
A few hands later I look down and see the almighty seven seven heaven baby. Worth all your chips. My proponent of the last anal fucking raises and I think to myself "He is one unlucky fucker". So I jam all in with my sevens. I have a feeling they are going to be good but I have to worship at the altar of the Donkey in order for them to pay off. My opponent naturally turns over Pocket Rockets baby. A good way to get your dick burned off. The seven on the river gives me a ridiculous suckout which I expected to happen anyways and I am near top in chips and my opponent is on the rail wondering what the fuck happened.
Next hand I find the old hater Rockets that did my friend in but I am rolling. So in the SB with nobody else in the hand and 75 chips in the middle I jam all in for 12K. The big blind thinks. He thinks. He remembers the last two hands where I pushed crap. He calls with eights. He goes from chip leader to out and I am massive chip leader.
We get down to the last three tables and I have lost some chips to the blinds and have been chipped down from first to worst. This will not stop me. I look down and see the quackers baby. Double deuces. My favorite number. So I jam them and get called by sevens. My night would be over except I catch a two on the flop and now I am massive chip leader again. WOOOOOOT!
The final token bubble lasted forever and I did not think I was going to make it. A lot of play happened and I was getting impatient. I got a huge pot with Aces which kept me in good shape. I then called who I thought was going to be bubble boy. He lived up to expectation and I won my token.
See poker is easy. In all reality games like this totally shatter any faith I ever had that poker was a game of skill. It really is just getting the right cards at the right time. Until later make mine the worst poker player ever.