Thursday, November 29, 2007

Deux Filles, Une Tasse

Has anyone seen this yet? Does it even exist? Is it some big sick internet joke? I must see this movie if it exists. Read the reviews:

#7 posted by mrfitz , November 28, 2007 7:11 PM

What's really neat about this whole thing is that I had never heard of two girls before, and then when I finally found the vid, I only watched the very beginning of it (simply because I could not continue). Then I thought to myself, "Self: it is only chocolate pudding."

I mean stellar. This totally sealed the deal though:

#9 posted by CitrusFreak12 , November 28, 2007 7:22 PM

MrFitz: I was able to watch the entire video for the sole reason that it was incredibly easy to convince myself they were eating chocolate mousse. That is, until they started vomiting into each other's mouths... convincing myself they were birds or ants was considerably more difficult.

YouTube has a great selection of "Reaction" videos. People sit down and watch the sicko video and record their reactions. It is pretty fucking funny. If you find the link to this leave it in comments and I will make my own YouTube reaction video. I may even be shirtless again! Ahhhh yahhh, you ladies know you love it.

CarmenSinCity Report

Ahh Hottie I miss our days spent chatting on the IM before you got your new job. Now I just have big fat Poker Enthusiast to talk to. Blehhh. I can not wait for Vegas.. I even found these couple of news articles in the paper today for you.

Castroneves calls of Engagement

Less than a day after Castronoves was declared the winner of dancing with the stars, Vasquez announced she had called off her engagement to the Brazillian race car driver.

Shocking baby! Do you think there was some hanky panky going on with the stars? Is this how the winning chick motivates her men to dance? Is there more scandal here than we know? I dunno.

and secondly..

Mark Ballas was taken by ambulance to a nearby hospital after dislocating his shoulder while performing the Cha-Cha with his partner Sabrina Bryan.

Wow. I never knew dancing was so dangerous. No wonder I never do it. I mean this guy is a pro right? Are all these dancers pussies? I think maybe they are..

Ah well.. back to dreams of Vegas and hotties in Flannel. See you soon.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

I would so do her

I got to this video from the new Dental Bot.. Apparently there is a secretary bot.. I called inquiring about the Sexy School Girl bot with fast action hand job motion but they have not developed it yet. Technology! It is finally advancing!!!

Super Donkeys

People keep telling me that if I play higher I will avoid the donkeys.. um, yeah, right. Also is it just me or did Gay Lallollo seem nervous throughout the whole hand? If I was Brunson based only on that I probably make that big call. Any other comments? Interesting to hear some peoples takes on the hand like lets say Fuel.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Tell Me The Odds

I have 46o, ep Raises, I call, another guy calls. Fop comes 357 all diamonds. What are the odds my straight and someone else's diamonds hit? I figured the ep raiser for a big pocket pair.. The guy who actually jammed in for 3k had 34o. The original raiser actually had AJd. Niiiice. You all wonder why I love poker so much.

Monday, November 26, 2007


Everyone knows I love the controversy. Anyway still no urge to play poker at the moment. The bad beats just killed it for me for now. I am recharging the battery and will play by the Vegas trip or possibly sooner.

Instead of playing Poker I guess I can pick on other bloggers so here you go TripJax. First off his woman is very nice looking but that hair man! She could be the spokes model for Brillo pads. That is some serious frizzz! She must take forever to get ready in the morning. That made me chuckle, but then I saw this:

Holy fuck man! You look like a drugged out crack trailer trash homo looking for someone to kill for his next fix. I mean that is one crazy picture.

Anyways peace. Catch you all soon in Vegas. I am looking forward to it. It has been way too long since I have seen Carmen, Pauly, Al, and even longer for Mr. Iggy. Do not get your sweat pants in a bunch if I did not mention you. I miss you too!!! Hell I might even be glad to see Choad.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Why do I try

First off I refuse to smile Dr. Chako's wife. If you have looked through any of the WPBT pictures you notice I look totally screwed up in all of them. A smile does not work for me. Some people have nice warm welcoming smiles.. I look like I did something wrong. It just is not meant to be. I will give you a huge shit eating grin when I meet you because I like meeting new people but smiling and me is a little too fake.

Secondly why do I try and be nice to people? I mean I make a "nice" comment about LJ taking 26th or something like that in the ME. You know she has been down lately because her crappy play has lost her a ton of games. So I try and be nice. Encourage her. What do I get for my niceness? She basically says she would never sleep with me even if I was the last guy on earth. Now I know this anyhow. Really. I do. However I do not need to be reminded of this ever. Honestly your the one missing out because I am a skilled lover from all of the porno movies I have watched. I know moves that have made women pass out from pleasure. Anyhow.. off subject..

I will never be nice again. Like smiling it just does not work for me. Anyway I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. Be seeing you soon.


It would take 25 bottles of Pete's Brewing Wicked Ale to kill me

It would take 23 shots of Southern Comfort to kill me

I know for a fact this is a lie and I would die much sooner. Happy Thanksgiving Al!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Pissed Off

This really pissed me off. I mean Walmart is a big bunch of sucking scumbags. Why don't they just go to the Special Olympics and trip the retarded kids and laugh at them. Stupid motherfuckers. I hope you all burn*** in hell**.

** Assuming there is a hell
*** Assuming it is hot

Stupid List Thing

Before I start this I must protest my treatment in Vegas up until now. I have been to the Blogger gatherings several times.. until the last time I had never even seen a hooker. I did get that experience in the IP bar late at night last time. The pimp daddies in their purple suits were cool too. Sort of like a retarded museum. I enjoyed that. I have yet to see a single stripper though. I hear they exist in Vegas but I have never seen one. The closest I have been to a lap dance is when Al got drunk and fell into my lap. It was pretty good but not the same. Ah well.

Top women you would get a pass to fuck or some such shit. Like that would every happen. Have you people not watched those movies. You know the one where the chick gets bought for a million bucks and sleeps with the guy and messes up her marriage.. or the people indulge in group partner sex and messes up the marriage. These are actual portrayals o what will happen after you bang one of these women with your wifes permission. Oh an I am skipping anyone I have seen someone else choose. Sloppy seconds are not Waffles approved.

5. Sarah Silverman
I have no idea why I think this freak is sexy but I like her a lot.

4. Jessica Alba
Dudes. This chick has a tattoo on the back of her head and can kick people's asses! I mean how hot is that? Really I saw it on TV. It must be true.

3. Pamela Anderson
Ok. I admit. The whole Hep-B thing is a total turn off but fuck man have you seen this chick? You see the movie? She is a freaky bitch and would likely do things to me I would never forget.

2. How about that chick in the Crying game. I never saw the movie.. let's look it up on Wiki... oh wait.. thats a dude.. *barf**bleeech*baaawgrrhhh**blahh*

1. Sarah Michelle Gellar
What can I say. I like chicks that can beat me up and stab steaks through vampires hearts. To add to the allure Scooby banged her hot ass so I probably got a shot, right? I thought so.

Ok. On to the second stupid list. Top Favorite Movies.

5. The Exorcist
I love me the scary movies and this is one of the best. Although I also love me a good B-rated movie like Frankenhooker.. I decided to choose a classic.

4. Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Gotta throw in a teen sex romp drug comedy.

3. Pamela Anderson's sex tape. See above. What is there not to love about this movie? She is amazing.

2. Blood Sport
Gotta throw in one of those martial arts type movies.. HIIIYYY YAA! I could watch movies like that a zillion times, included in this genre are movies like First Blood.

1. Army of Darkness
How can I not pick the movie I got all my pickup lines from? "Gimme some sugar baby!" .. this movie rocks.

I dunno. There are way too many good movies to pick just five. Depends on what mood you are in. So many movies left off this list that I enjoyed. I continue to hate these list things.


Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Blah Weekend


Please lick my ass after I have not showered for 4 days.

Love Always,

Besides the nice weekend with the kid the rest was crappy. I come home Friday night and there is a car in my driveway. So I am like "Hmm, who is over?". I walk in the door and nobody is over. Apparently I have purchased a new Audi SUV for mucho bucks and did not even know it. Thanks a lot my lovely wife. It is nice to know how trustworthy you are. Just go out and fuck some guy and have him sitting in my seat when I come home. Fucking bitch. I am really pissed off.

Anyway.. I am taking a break from poker until Vegas. I will continue to keep you amused however. The above comment was for my PLO game. I am fairly deep in the game and the board is A9K4 and I have K4.. Now in Omatard this is a VERY weak hand but whatever.. So I jam in..... and get called by A882. Um. Top Pair. Eight Kicker. Nice hand fucktard. The eight on the river was just for fun. Right Poker Gods? You fucking whore bastards. I swear if you ever materialize in front of me I will kick you in the balls. You fucking idiots.

Until later.

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Apparently I have decided to not put much effort into these anymore.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Nice Day

Today I had a great day with my son. It was his birthday party (birthday was last month) and we went to one of those indoor rock climbing places. He was really scared but I encouraged him and he finally climbed all the way to the top. He was so proud of himself. We also had a foam block fight which knocked the air out of me and basically sapped my energy for the day. I am such a lard ass and need to get into shape. Days like today are great since I am not always there for him like I need to be. Life is difficult and simple all at the same time. I am glad I had a good moment with him though. We all need to treasure those. I can relate to Sean also because it is not always great and I really hope he is able to pick up some treasured moments. My heart is with you man. Peace.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Chineese Translation Botched

"For every 10 corrupt officials, nine are involved in illicit sex. This old tune has already been proved by statistics from disciplinary organs many times," Xinhua said.

Or was it? Where can I get one of those "Disciplinary Organs".. lol.

What Movie Are You?

Like we couldn't see this one coming..

I Feel Evil Today

Re(2): The Antonius vs. Gold Hand from HSP Last Night (don't read if you want to be surprised/haven't seen)
by Annette_15 on 11/13/2007 16:11

Well, look at it this way.... ur talking about the long run which means that ur gonna have to get in the same situation maaaaany times for this to even out. The reality is that none of these guys will probably never play a pot as big as this ever again or unlikely to at least, so if gold sucked out, antonius cant just wait for the next time a 700k pot pops up when hes a 4:1 fav to have a chance of winning it back. Like someone else said, it reduces variance and makes the beats and swings easier to handle.

Talking about the Jamie Gold vs Patrick Antonius hand where gold got all in for 300k on the turn with a set of Kings vs Patrick's nut straight. They decided to run it three times and Gold actually took 2 of 3. I think Anette has a great attitude about poker and I would fuck her if she did not look like a bull dyke. Enough said.


So I started playing around with that site that said I was Elementary School and there were some interesting results.. - Collect UnderGrad
AlCantHang - Junior High (der)
Dr. Pauly - Elementary School
Change100 - Elementary School

NY Post - Elementary School
NY Times - Junior High
Boston Globe - GENIUS! BOOYAH!

MIT - College Grad
Harvard - Genius
Perdue (The Chicken not the College) - GENIUS!!

McDonalds - Genius
Wendy's - College Undergrad
Burger King - College Undergrad
Taco Bell - Elementary School! (Sure pick on the Mexicans)

... hmmmm ... wonder what the criteria is..

Ranting Roll

O.K.--all the kids are sitting around the dinner table. The food has been served. Dad looks at his fourth grader and says "well, son, did anything interesting happen with you today?"

Wouldn't you just want to be the other siblings at that table that night! There are some things my kids missed out on being educated in the Catholic schools... Thank God!!!

Posted by: Z52

This kind of self righteous bullshit fucking pisses me off. It is like me saying "Lucky my kid did not go to Catholic schools.. he might have been raped by a priest".. Some teacher who was wacked up on some prescription drug or something stripped in front of her fourth grade class. What a fucking retard saying shit that has nothing to do with anything.. I think this comment was possibly smarter:

i dont think that i even have a commit for that. but i do know that its because i cant phantom the words to say after hearing something like this.

Posted by: jstar

Fucking dooshes make me sick.

Stupid Ass Country

Do not get me wrong I love AMERICA.. but we are wayyyy too hung up about drugs. If someone wants to fuck up their lives LET THEM. If they do not do it with drugs they will find something else. I mean check this shit out.

Man arrested for toad tripping

David Theiss, 21, of Kansas City, Missouri, was arrested for keeping a pet toad with the intent of licking it to get high. The skin and venom glands of Colorado River toads produce powerful hallucinogens called tryptamines. Theiss was released on bond, but the toad remains in police custody

I mean if they guy wants to have sexual relations with a toad and get a little high WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PROBLEM??!?!?!?! Jesus.. Give a toad a little tongue and suddenly you get to go to jail for ten years.

Now what brought this all up.. this may be controversial.. but WHY THE FUCK IS BARRY BONDS FACING 30 YEARS IN JAIL? I understand. He is an asshole. He lied about TAKING DRUGS TO BULK UP. Who gives a fuck? Why is this a criminal offense? Why was he even put in the position to lie about this? I can understand if Baseball wants to call him a cheater and put a star by his name or some lousy shit like that. I can even understand people saying he did not beat the great white hope's record in baseball.. I can go with that.. but the guy faces thirty years of soap on a rope and guys being like "I fucked Barry Bonds Ass!" just like it was an autographed baseball card.. I mean is that really what we want to send people to jail for?

Bonds would have gotten off lighter if he sexually molested some children. Try that next time Barry.. nobody cares about that.. lets throw all the Pot Smokers, Toad Lickers, Poker Players, and other generally fucked up degenerates in jail. It will probably be safer in there anyways since all the murderers, rapists, and serial killers will be on the outside. Seriously fucked up priorities.

Anyone surprised?

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I Really Hate Poker

First Game: Dude raises JJ34 to 500.. I jam all in for 1500.. So he is basically calling off half his stack with nada. I have A22Q and am actually in decent shape race wise. I have no idea how you make this call with jacks pre-flop when someone jams you though. It was an 11/SNG so maybe that is the problem. I usually would not jam A22Q but I was slightly short vs the blind and decided to make a stand. So flop comes Q3x. You know how this is going to end right? Turn 3.. river 4.. No low. No hi. No nothing. Fuck you later. Thankyouverymuch.

Ohhkay. So maybe I am just playing too retarded level poker. So I plunk down $33 on a SNG. I raise pre-flop. Get one caller. I pot the flop. Same guy calls. I JAM ALL IN on the turn.. same guy calls.. 99Tx no low. No hi. No pair. No nothing except a OESD. In my opinion with all of the action on this hand this is a terrible call. Nine on the river. Nice. So apparently I have to play $200 SNGs to meet someone who has even a tenth of a brain. Motherfucking Poker on Motherfucking Planes is Motherfucking Pissing me off.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

No More Blogger Wars

Say it ain't so!!!! I will never get any more readers. Oh well back to busting out bankrolls then. I will say though if Chad is dropping duces as big as me he must be FULLLLLLL of shit.

I look forward to having a good time in Vegas. Should be a serious blast. Tonight I think I will play a couple of 33$ HU Matches or something.. fucking poker..

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

What was I thinking..

Lost the Mookie with a flopped OESD Flush Draw.. Lost the Dookie (Razz) with A253.. What the fuck was I thinking? That I was a normal person and a hand I had might actually win. I lost my mind.


I almost could not play the Mookie tonight. That would have sucked. I went into work last night and found out everything was changed and I had to re-do the entire site. So I was unable to finish three sites in one night. Got to love screwed up processes that cause you to make bundles of money on other people being incompetent. So they are unable to meet tonight so I get to play! YAY! Tomorrow night I probably will miss Riverfuckers. Boo! Ah well.

Bayne sent me an article on a girl who committed suicide partially because some ADULTS were being very cruel to her and pretending that some guy on MySpace liked her. The details were not clear but I guess they then took the conversations she had with them and told her they were going to spread them around her school and nobody liked her.. some bullshit like that. So the girl having some self esteem problems already killed herself. Nice.

Some of the comments were interesting though.. "myspace is part of the environment these kids are growing up in. You don't want to simply forbid them from these things". Umm.. Hello? I do not think MySpace is a privilege and I am perfectly willing and able to tell my children no fucking way are you going on that site. I mean I know everyone wants to be friends with their kids but I think MySpace is a actually a very dangerous place and have no desire to have my kids on the site. When they are 35 they can make their own decisions and use it if they want. Until then it is my choice.

Sad story. Thanks for making my morning Bayne.

I also gave JudeSalem some advice for her son: Just tell the Marine recruiter he is gay! It will work. They do not like Gays in the military for some reason. I personally think its fine. I mean have you seen Dr. Chako's drab white trailer? I mean cmon.. does that not need a speeeciall touch? Missing out guys!

See you all tonight.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Big Al's Big Gay Blog

If you have not read the comments from AlCantHangs last post.. well they are humorous. I shall not be pokering tonight as I have side work to do. I probably will end up working until 3AM today but a buck is a buck. Wednesday I shall make my triumphant return to the Mookie!!! I so want to bend that bitch over and fuck her ass so hard. I am so angry that I have not won a Mookie this year. Tomorrow night that all changes bitches. Peace.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Fucking MTTs

[11:54] SirFWALGMan: lately a LOT of 11th 12th 13th
[11:54] SirFWALGMan: pissing me off
[11:54] SirFWALGMan: lol
[11:55] Poker Enthusiast: means your close
[11:55] SirFWALGMan: means I want to fucking kill someone

OMFG I am dieing here. I am so fucking sick of every single tourney ending with me in 8th or 9th place. Goddamit. I almost would rather go out early like Chad in the FTOPS last night. I have been going really deep in everything I play.. Razz, Omatard, and yes even Holdem.. yesterday I had the 1-4th largest stack through the entire Omaha-8 tourney. I got down to 14 left with a nice 50k stack and second in chips. Then a series of 2nd-nut 2nd-nut hands killed me. I know these hands are bad in Omaha against good players but most of the tards in my games play one side of the game. So a flopped T high flush with a decent low seems good. However the flopped Ace high flush with the slightly BETTER low fucking hurts. I then went out on a draw with about 10-blinds left. I had another 2nd/2nd hand and the other guy was drawing too except he was drawing to the best low AND high possible. Motherfucker. He actually was someone I considered a good player and I guess if I am going to go out it might as well be to someone I respect.

Anyway just venting. This is entirely what MTT play is all about.. a series of getting close until you can finally get lucky at the right spot. Peace.

Friday, November 09, 2007

I Hate Comment Moderation


Blogs are flaming ghey if you ask me. Poker blogs are FLAMING ghey, the "Richard Simmons ghey" of all blogs. So just for all the flamers and haters out there who have never won a thing in poker but still find a way to critique those who can actually play poker I will cease all blogging. I would however like to meet up with bloggers that I actually like and respect (all five of you) and play some $2/$5 or something at Bellagio in December. I know there are a few of you that actually liked my posts because they were actually STRATEGY related for the most part and helped you evaluate your game. I appologize to those people, but I do not need soap opera drama in my life from people who can't even play poker but for some reason write about it? I suck at hockey, maybe I will start ghey blogging about hockey?
-- Best Poker Player Eva

SirFWALGMan: SirFWALGMan said...

You have got to be the biggest flaming whiny cunt rag I have ever met... Why don't you get that tampon out of your ass and just enjoy life. I swear I never thought I would find someone who cries as much as I do but you have exceeded even my ability. (I was not one of the 5 was I?).. Anyway.. look forward to seeing you in Vegas you big baby.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

My Optinion

From Kaja the A8 is Great but it was S000ted Donkey of the day:

I read over at Res Ipsa Poker about a fun post on 2+2 where Jimmy "gobboboy" Fricke tried to get FTP to sponsor him for the Aussie Millions. He got some "no solicitation" response e-mail, but when he scrolled down he found a note from Howard:

"From: Howard Lederer
Sent: Sat 11/3/2007 7:21 PM
To: Robert H. Wolf; Ray Bitar
Cc: Jason Newitt
Subject: RE: Aussie Millions. (KMM4237266I19928L0KM)

The guy's a freak and a very weird dude. He is also quite young. I think we should stay away.


My new email address is My "" address will not work soon. Please update my contact info accordingly. Thanks."

My opinion on the whole thing.

A. Gobbobobo is a fucking freak. Have you seen that guy? No? LOOK ABOVE! He looks either like a gay fucking Mrs. Doubtfire or that retarded guy on the Goonies. I mean fuck I expect him to say at any minute "hehuhehhuh yeah, my name is jimmy, yeah, I like poker". Weird man.

B. He is young. For christ sakes. I have underwear older than he is.. Fuck I have cum stains on my underwear that is older than he is.

C. Howard sent an internal memo stating why he did not think Gobobobobo was a good spokes person from a business standpoint. It is valid. What did he do wrong.

Anyhow.. it is a shame that the letter got to Gobobobobobo although I highly doubt it hurt his feelings in the least bit. I actually think Goboboboboobo is probably a pretty cool guy and all joking aside the fact he posted the email shows he has confidence in himself and does not care what Howard thinks. Howard made a business decision and probably a good one. It was not like he was on Letterman and saying "Ya, that Goboboboboblo is a fucking freak!".. he was expressing his opinion internally. I just do not feel that outraged by the whole thing. Amused yes. Outraged. Nah.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Dear Don

I have tried your style of fold equity poker in the bloggerments and have verified that there is no such thing as fold equity in blogger tourneys. There is no point in jamming, re-stealing, or even stealing without the nuts. I tried to steal twice. Once I raised T9d in ep and KJ jammed me. I actually won that hand. Another time I re-jammed all in with K3.. ok, not the best hand, but he had been raising a lot.. and he calls with A8. So I must abandon all attempts at any kind of MTT style of play in these games. It does not work. It is why Chad is always out first.

Love Always,

Green Peace

Accosted by Green Peace

First Hottie Babe:

"You like the environment right?"
"Nope, I hate it. I want to pollute!"

Second cute chick:

"You like these cute widdle cuddle polar bears"

Awww fuck. It is the cute polar bear gambit. This is akin to the Johnnie Cochran Wookie Defense. No defense against it.

"ummm, yaaa"

"And that evil killer Kennedy has been killing them!!!!"

"ooooh noooos!"

"He has been blocking Windmill Energy, And the Polar Ice Caps are melting"

"Ok! ok!"

"AND we are losing 2 cubit meters of space EVERY YEAR"

"Awww fuck babe.. you lost me.. That means I will have beach front property soon? ZANG! BOOYAH!"

Fucking makes me want to eat a Vegan and save an animal though. At least my steak does not yap to me about how bad milk and bacon is. Vegan steaks for all!


First off a big thanks to my enablers. You know those guys who if they knew you had a crack cocaine addiction would buy you some shit and help you snort it. Every time I get down to the felt someone is throwing a ten or twenty or fifty my way so the hilarious pain can continue. Very appreciated anyways.

So last night. I dropped THREE PLO8 SNGs in a row. What the fuck? My sweet easy game has gone to hell in a hand basket whatever the fuck that means. The first one was essentially a cooler. I got all in with QQQJJ vs JJJJ. Hard to let top boat go and I think in an SNG it is probably a bad idea.

The other two were monster suck outs. One I am on the bubble. The big stacks played great and each had 5k.. so nobody was seeing a flop cheap. The idiot stack doubles up the shorty and now I am the shorty. I have something along the lines of JJ25.. and just pot it. I get called. The flop comes AK8. So I have a low draw and a pair. I jam all in and the big stack calls with T975. NO DRAW. NO PAIR. NO NOTHING. RUNNER RUNNER FUCKING FLUSH. NO LOW. ARG-A.

I can not even remember the other fucking sick beat I took. They all seem to blurr together after a while. Fucking tards. So I feel myself steaming and decide to break from the PLO8 SNGs down 3-buys.. and try and make it up against even more retarded people: RAZZTARDS.

OMFG! HORRIBLE! I got beat with hands like A26 vs 45K.. I mean dude.. I FUCKING SEE YOUR KING WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOUR DOING 3-BETTING ME!!#^&@#&*($#OHKLJWSD^&( JESUS! So finally I got my revenge when the final hand of the night had me with A25 vs Q26 vs 246. Turn gets me a A245, vs Q263 vs A246.. Every street capped and the poker gods took it easy on me giving me the 3 on the turn and the NUT NUT all the way down baby. I finished up eighteen bucks paying for all the SNG donkery.

I told AlCantHang I would spank him HU in PLO8 so that will need to be scheduled. Besides that I guess I am doing the Mookie and Riverchaser's with some SNG and MTT action tossed in on the side.

Best quote of the day:

"I do think it is funny that when waffles has a rant that people just say it is waffles being waffles."

Fuck ya people! Do not try to do what Waffles does because there can be only one. Motherfuckers yippie kye yay! Sometimes I do feel a little sorry about some of the things I say but then I think about my adoring public and just have to keep going.

I talked to Instant Tragedy's old girlfriend last night. She is a sweet kid. She is smart and is planning to go to Harvard. She says it is for school but we all know I work in Cambridge.. and Harvard is right down the street... draw your own conclusions people. She wants me bad. She so wants to suckle my man boobs!

Getting more and more excited for Vegas. JJ has laid down the law and will be attending. It will be cool to meet the guy finally. I talk to a bunch of guys like him on a regular basis and it is always good to finally meet someone. This year a lot of the old school A-List is going to be there as well as a lot of new people I am excited to meet including The Wife, Instant Tragedy, BWOP, JJ, and others. It is going to be sweet. So if your on the edge about going JUST DO IT! Fuck if I show up after all I write on this blog you can too.

Last but not least: WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH ALL THIS FEEL GOOD SHIT? I am all for hard work and getting better at something.. but you can have all the belief that your shit don't stink and that does not make it true. Fucking retards. What are we in 3rd grade little league? Shut the fuck up already. I can work as hard as I want but I will never be as good a baseball player as David Ortiz. I can feel good about myself and have confidence but shut the fuck up... you need TALENT. SKILLZ. Hard work also but you need some ability to begin with. All you delusional wanna be motherfuckers with your Good Witch Glinda "There's no place like home" mother fucking attitudes are making me want to fucking puke. Get real. Shut the fuck up. Keep losing. It is your destiny.

Monday, November 05, 2007


I feel like the poor poor device forced to participate in this.
I want to throw them a KFC wing and see what happens.

I busted out again. I was doing so well too. I just cant stand to lose so I will never win. Oh well. The hand that got me was funny as fuck too. I was down a little for the night so I decide to do a 33 SNG with my last scraps... and I get all in on the flop with JJQT 2 diamonds on a 9xx DIAMOND board vs A9xx no diamonds. No draws. Nice Ace on the turn. Fucking hate 4 outers. Ha! Oh well. If I was ever successful at poker I think I might have a heart attack.


Depart Boston Friday December 7th 8:25, Arrive at Las Vegas 11:33PM.
Depart Las Vegas Sunday December 9th at 10:40PM, Arrive in Boston 6:32AM (ug).

Total Cost of Flight - $348. I actually spent $48 more than I had to in order to fly Jet Blue ONLY because I LOVED the in-air TV. However if they are late getting me to Vegas this time I am never flying those bastards again.

Should be fun. Hopefully I will be doing more socializing, little less poker, and just as much fun. These weekends always leave me totally trashed. One of these times I need to go for a week. See you there.

Legalizing Gambling

Ed Miller has an interesting article on the shootings and legalizing gambling. He is a well noted and intelligent professor of the game.

While I appreciate and somewhat agree with his notion that legalizing gambling will cut down on the number of players in Illegal games I am not sure that it is totally accurate and think his statement that legalizing gambling would stop these kind of events is far fetched.

Even if the small NY games are legal that is not going to stop robbery and death. There is a lot of money at the games and not a lot of security. I do not see legalizing the game changing the situation much. The small clubs are probably not going to hire armed guards for the games. The guards would cost them MONEY and they probably are not going to be willing to spend it. I could be wrong but just because it is an illegal game does not mean they currently could not have armed guards and yet they have not done so.

I would think the illegal games would dry up where brick and morter casino's opened and a legal, Vegas scale, type game was run. Big corporations would obviously hire armed guards and a professional team to make sure THEY were not cheated or robbed. However people in general are lazy. Not every place like bumble fuck Ohio is going to be able to support a large casino. I currently have a casino 3-hours from me and I am not willing to make that drive regularly and I think anyone outside of an hour from a casino is not going to change the way they play.

Also people who play at these live games probably enjoy the live game. These people I am sure also play online. The "illegality" of the whole thing has not changed that. I just do not see where making poker legal would change anything that happens in these impromptu illegal casinos. I think they will continue to be as unsafe as they always have been.

I do think legalizing poker is important and will help in many other areas but using the death of someone as the rallying cry for legalized poker just does not seem to make sense. It does have a nice media spin to it but I think the reality is something far different.

Am I wrong about this? Does anyone have another opinion?

Top Ten Excuses to Use on Your Wife

I have been trying to convince my good friends to show up at this gathering. I have also been convincing the wife. So here are the top ten reasons to give your wife if your pussy whipped:

10. Hoyazo's inevitable 2-outer knockout by some professional poker player
9. Football on 10000" Televisions and you do not have to clean up afterwards bitch
8. Have to tell Falstaff how pretty his dress is
7. Iggy needs a lift up to the bar stool
6. Dr. Chako's wife has not been laid in months (Damn, She is going to hurt me when I meet her in Vegas)
5. Iakaris is wearing stripes and you have to tell him how thin it makes him look
4. You have to stop AlCantHang from getting rolled by a hooker
3. Blonde's Pussy Commands it and you can not disobey!
2. CarmenSinCity and LoveElf represent the largest boob per square inch display outside of porn convention you will ever get to see


1. Waffles is going to be there!! That will pay for the trip and the mortgage by itself!!!!

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Visa Commercial from Bayne's Nightmare

..Playing Bayne in a PLO8 SNG and winding up Heads Up Cost: 5.50..

..Drawing to the only low and a double belly buster vs Bayne's made set and flush draw and hitting the low gutshot on the river Cost: 3000 chips..

..Getting all in with a better low and KK on the flop against Bayne's made set of 9's and worse low draw and busting him driving him utterly insane Cost: Priceless..

thank you for playing

Saturday, November 03, 2007

7 Things About Me AKA Dont you guys Ever Learn AKA *glare* JudeSalem

A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...

B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...

C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...

D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

**You get it?? --- You got it?? --- [GOOD] --- So here goes:**

Ok, Judesalem AND Kaja tagged me. I figured I should post before five more people tag me. Who starts these things??? Indeed.

1. I recently filled out a Psychological Evaluation to help out one of my favorite people who is going to school for mental people. Anyway.. We were chatting it up in the AIM and the first thing out of her mouth: You have Serial Killah tendencies. No Der. It is ALWAYS the quiet ones.

2. I am deaf in one ear. My mother lied to me about how I became deaf until I was 32 and it slipped. The old story: Born that way. The real deal: I got an ear infection and my mom waited until my EARDRUM burst to take me to a doctor.

3. I can not get the picture of Blonde on all fours waiting for it out of my mind. It has been stuck there since I read her post. I mean fuck how hot can you get.

4. I like all women. Big. Little. Fat. Asian. They all are lovable. To me though a great personality is more sexy than a smokkin' body. If you are dumb or boring I am turned off.

5. Speaking of women I am confused about why I love Sarah Silverman.. I mean is she that hot? I think she is the sexiest woman alive.. but why? Did she make a pact with the devil? I just do not get it.

6. I have lived in the same state for my entire life. Massachusetts. Have been out of the country (sort of) only once. It was to Bermuda for my Honeymoon. I had a good time. I have traveled extensively across the US of fucking A and enjoyed it. I have only been to like 8 states probably.. Colorado, New Hampshire, Maine, Vermont, South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Las Vegas Nevada baby, Tennessee, Connecticut, Rhode Island, New Jersey, New York, California.. I think that is all.. oh and West Virgina by accident. I would like to do a Blogger wide country tour if I win something like the Aussie Millions.. I would visit GVegas, Bad Blood Land, Canada, and Atlanta for sure.

7. I was a VERY accident prone kid. I used to fall asleep in hallways and on fences and I had a lot of accidents. Broke my arm 3x, stitches 6x.. I was a wildman.

Here is a bonus secret. I think Judesalem could actually be a good poker player. I know shocking. She has the patience and bankroll skills I think she just needs some time to ripen into a solid grinder.

Ok. Not as good as some of my prior posts but will have to do. I refuse to ever tag anyone else.

Friday, November 02, 2007

JackAce Dooom

I did g000t in Riverchasers last night.. only losing seventy cents! Woot! What the fuck is up with Full Tilt anyways? How do you make a payout that actually loses you money? I would rather see 12 spots pay and make a dollah hollah instead of 18 and lose seventy cents.. Of course I would rather win the whole fucking thing but that is another story.

Nothing of note really.. Pulled a huge bluff on TripJax once. I was fucking with him and told him I was going to bluff him during this round. Stole Gary's Blinds. Busted him with K8 and felt a little sorry.. He was short and jammed 33 against me after I raised his blind for the thousandth time.. I rivered a straight.

As the blinds got monstrous I tried a little bit of stealing. The idea my friends like Sucko, MiamiDonk and DonkingAces use are basically high aggression towards the end with position. Obviously there is so much more to it than that and I do a disservice describing it that way. I am on the fence on how this approach works in Donkeyments. While I agree that this sounds good in theory let me mention a few hands from last night..

I am in early position with KQ s000ted. I decided since I had not played a hand in a while to raise and see what happens. So I raise and the seat next to me calls. The flop comes Kxx.. and I am sure he has no king... or pretty sure.. I am pretty positive he does not have AK... So I check-jam his ass all in and he calls.. with KQ... So if the idea is that by jamming you get fold equity in these Blogger games errrrr....

The hand I got knocked out on was funny too. I jammed in and got called by the JackAce. Actually the Asian beauty was not in the hand but her favorite two cards were. Instant call. 60% Dog. Flop gives a six. 75% Favorite. Turn is an Ace. Dooomed. River no help. Albeit I had Q6.. but again, these donkey games have no fold equity at all.. I think in some ways your better off just getting blinded out or waiting for ACES like some people. Still mulling things over. I guess that I do not totally agree with that last statement. I think you need to pick who you try to get fold equity from. Some people will never fold anything. Other people are more reasonable. It is a hard line to figure out.

It was fun playing with everyone though. Riverchasers continues to be one of my best games. I must just be trying to impress my new friend Evy. I made a decision in Riverchasers that the players were so bad it was wrong to bluff. So I never bluff early. I hardly raise. I see a lot of flops. I chip up hard because of people who can not fold post flop. Seems simple.

Weekend is probably going to be small MTT and/or SNG games. If you have not seen yet Full Tilt has a special SNG Frenzy going on. I played two SNGs in the past two days not as part of this challenge and took 3rd and 2nd for a whopping 8 bucks profit.. Oh well pays for the next one..

See you on the tables.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

While I am in a good mood..

All you fucking idiots that keep posting links in my comments.

A. The links do not give you shit because they are not picked up by search engines.
B. I delete your fucking retarded links as soon as I see them. Even if you say my blog is "Great"..
C. Fuck you.

If you want a link to your site drop me and email and either PAY FOR IT or tell me WHY I SHOULD WANT TO GO TO YOUR FUCKING LAME ASS SITE. If I think it is worth going to then I will write a whole post just for you. Even though you should really just kill yourselves now and rid the world of your genetic materials.

So go fuck yourself.


You know I am starting to Beleive

I am starting to believe in a God and he hates me! Goddammit. I got 30 bucks in Ad money so I am playing Riverchasers tonight. Fucking crap. He is just sitting up there laughing..

Put on your ear muffs

I am so fucking pissed off it is not even funny. I put my last token into the 14k last night on Full Tilt. I did not notice it was 6-player but whatever. Not my strongest game but meh. So early on I get some momentum and chip up to 4k+ and then I have T6 in the BB. The flop comes T68 and the guy to my right leads out for pot and then pots the turn. I put him on AT or some hand like that and I happen to be wrong because he had T8.. and if that was not going to seal my loss of 2k in chips then the river TEN would have for sure. What a fucking cooler.

So anyway I had chipped up so I still had 2K.. I work it back to 2500 or so.. and then look down and see the rockets. Now I am not one of these fucktards that think the rockets are invincible and should always win.. HOWEVER when a guy raises 250 and then I re-raise him 10% of his stack.. and he calls.. with 87 diamonds.. and fucking full tilt gives him a good draw on the flop....... and I push all in for over 3/4 his stack.. and Full Tilt knocks me out of the fucking game I have to wonder what the fuck is up.

I mean I can understand playing a hand like 87d. It is a good hand. If I had raised 3x the blinds.. and he had called and flopped well.. and then I had potted I might understand him making a move or something.. but when I make you commit 10% of your stack pre-flop and over 3/4 of it on the flop YOU SHOULD FUCKING HAVE THE DECENCY TO LOSE! God damn motherfucking jackasses playing this game are so fucking retarded it is not even funny. He then has the nerve to tell me 87d is the best hand to go against a big pocket pair. SURE IT IS BUT NOT FOR THAT MUCH!!! Just fucking buy a lottery ticket if your going to play like that. I put pressure on the guy at every point in the hand and he was just too fucking stupid to fold. I am just disgusted.

To cap things off I jam A8 in the Spookie and get fucked by 74.. Now to be fair I do not consider this a bad beat but it was a nice little capper for a great night. Fucking poker is such a joke sometimes.

So anyway.. I am out of fundage until the 15th... so I am not going to be playing any BBT events for a couple of weeks unless I get backed in them. Probably for the best after last night anyways. Fucking cockrags piss me off so bad. I think Chad said it best last night "You will never win Waffles you are cursed".. Amen brotha.