Thursday, August 02, 2007

I Fart therfore I Smell

If you fart are you going to be creating a Waffles Fart blog?
-- Duggles


Ha! That reminds me I wanted to tell you all about a fart I had a few days ago.. I kept meaning to bring it up. I have no idea why I think you would be interested in my bodily functions but I have no idea why you read anyway so I am going with it.. It is actually anti-climatic.. I was in the subway and before I knew it I let out this long studerring fart near this cute chick. I guess I was amazed because I tend to only fart out loud when I want to.. maybe I am getting old..

But anyway.. I probably will not start a fart blog. I started the fatty one because I did not think poker readers would want to read about that.. same as with the WoW blog.. and I expect to write a bunch about the two..

Since Duggles started this whole thread.. I just had the most disgusting diarrhea EVER.. I hate to crap at work. I have no idea why but crapping in public places pisses me off.. but I had two quesadeas for lunch and they did not sit well. So I go in and was pleasantly surprised that the toilet was modestly clean. I wiped the seat. I am not sure this would do anything besides spreading any aids around the seat anyways but it makes me feel better. So I am sitting there and my ass is exploding, farts everywhere, crap coming down like drizzles.. and my co-workers walk in and they start talking to each other.

Now first off this is a big break in the toilet etiquette.. but what kind of idiot motherfucker has a conversation in the bathroom with what was coming out of my ass smelling up the joint? I mean jesus. I thought computer nerds has no social skills, math nerds are like 100x worse.. at least we do not talk to people in the bathroom.. well we do not talk to people.. but that is hardly the point..

I looked down at my work afterwards and it was this weird colored shit pancake covering like 75% of the surface water. It looked like that monster in that Stephen King Movie: Creepshow 2. You know the one.. with the four kids stuck on a raft while this floating blob eats them. One kid finally swims to shore and thinks he is safe but it jumps out of the water and pulls him back in.. well I swear that is where he got the idea. My crap looked exactly like that and if I touched it I bet it would be corrosive like the monster.

Anyway thank Duggles for this. At least I am not as crazy as Daddy. See you tonight at the Freeroll.

7 Comments:

Blogger Fuel55 said...

"I looked down at my work afterwards and it was this weird colored shit pancake covering like 75% of the surface water."

Hardest I have laughed in weeks.

3:29 PM

 
Blogger Miami Don said...

You fucking shit talker!


HAHAHAHAHH, you're wicked demented.

3:56 PM

 
Blogger L'artiste said...

This is why Waffles is the best blogger in the business.

Nh sir.

5:14 PM

 
Blogger Alan aka RecessRampage said...

I also hate idiots who yap on their cell phones while they're in the crapper. When I hear that, I make it a point to keep flushing the toilet to let the other person on the phone know that the dude is in the freakin bathroom talking to ya...

8:12 PM

 
Blogger CarmenSinCity said...

Um, thank you for the fart and diarrhea analysis. Lovely morning reading.

And an EXTRA thank you for starting a WOW blog so that I don't have to read about that video game bullshit. Now, if you ever want to talk about miss pacman or gallagha, I can get down with that, but when you get all involved in this dungeons and dragons bullshit, I just can't do it. It's almost as bad as writing about poker - sheesh!

9:06 AM

 
Blogger DuggleBogey said...

Bitch posts about dance contests and haircuts and thinks video games are bullshit?

Got news for you moron, Online Poker is a video game.

10:46 AM

 
Blogger CarmenSinCity said...

Okay, online poker is a video game - that's debateable, but either way, I play poker live, at a table, you know out here in Vegas where I live. I don't hide behind a screen and spew out bullshit that I can't back up. Why don't you show up for a WPBT Event sometime? It takes balls to leave the safety of your bedroom and fly out here to Vegas and you don't have any balls. Pussy.

2:41 PM

 

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