Little Ray Ray
A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Little Ray Ray.
He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."
Then, Little Ray Ray says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Ray Ray replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
On The Math Test
Little Ray Ray returns from school, and he says he got an "F" in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks Little Ray Ray's father?
"The teacher asked me: 'How much is 2x3'?. I said '6," replies Little Ray Ray.
"But that's right!" says Little Ray Ray's Dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me: "How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f***ing difference?" asks Little Ray Ray's father..
"That's what I said!"
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice correctly
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it"
"Very good, Suzie," replied t he teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out beautiful."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on Little Ray Ray. He said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, just f****ing beautiful!"
On Getting Older
Little Ray Ray was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said to him, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Ray Ray replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Ray Ray answered, "No, He minded his own f****ing business".