Who you wanna be? Who you really wanna be?
Unlike all of the un-edumicated bloggers who have decided to enter the Spice Girl contest I have put my substantial brainpower to work and researched all of the Spice Girls to decide which one I would want to be. After a long and arduous fifteen minutes I have come up with the following analysis.
My initial leanings were towards Posh. She seems like the coolest of the Spice Girls. Posh was looking pretty good especially since she seems to be the overall most talented of the group, until I learned I would have to give birth to three freaking kids with some sweaty not-football player. Screw that hippie! Next!
I thought Scary spice might be a good choice as I have always wondered what it would be like to be black. Would I be discriminated against? My initial white bread raising leads me to believe that all people are treated equally. I have however recently had the good fortune of working with a brotha and it really opened my eyes to how little we have accomplished in the past century of “equal” rights. I could go into all of the incidents he faced on a daily basis in America but I only have a few hundred words here. However I saw the picture of her I included and that quickly changed my mind. If I have to look like that for even a second I would rather die. Although it is tempting to have a Nevisian father I am going to have to pass.
Baby Spice was a tough one. I mean I get to have that body. I do not think I would ever go out. Actually maybe I would.. but only to the local Lesbo bar to pickup a few girls for a little paaaartaaayyy. She is such a hotty. She appears to have no substance whatsoever which is perfect for me. The only downside is I have to sleep with Justin Timberlake. Ick.
A UN Ambassador, a stripper and has posed nude in magazines.. Ginger Spice has done two of the three things I have always wanted to do in my life! Unfortunately I only had to read one line to rule out Ginger Spice: Part French. No way am I becoming one of those frogs.. NEXT!
So we come to my final Spice Girl: Sporty Spice. She is not the hottest of the girls but she is pretty hot. You would expect she would be in great shape, being called Sporty and all. I also love a girl with a pony tail. Of all the girls she seems to have had the most success post-spice. Show me the money baby!! As a bonus I could find no information on any guys she had gone out with so the lesbian thing is totally possible. Of all the Spice Girls I find her to be the least damaged. So it is with great pleasure that I swing my magic wand (yes girls, it is magical) and become the lovely Sporty Spice.